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People are getting harder to ignore

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Old 05-16-2013, 05:27 PM   #1
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Unhappy People are getting harder to ignore

Many of you know I help run weekly weight loss meetings. It's a good, supportive group overall, and it's been a big help to not only do my official weigh-in for accountability, but to meet up with others to share struggles with those that can relate, and as a huge stepping stone for me socially after an especially difficult bout with GAD.

Lately I've been getting a sense of animosity from a small percentage of the members. I've worked very hard and it's paying off, and I think it's making some uncomfortable. I do know a lot of members are happy for me. Some are eager for tips, some shower me with compliments, some just smile and seem genuinely happy for me. There are a few that throw out back-handed compliments, act like I have some kind of unfair advantage, or belittle my methods and try to tell me I'm doing it all wrong, but that's few and far-between. I do my very best to be helpful and supportive with everyone as one of the leaders.

Then I got pregnant.

Mind you, I haven't been pregnant very long. And given that I'm an apple, I've always had this belly that just sticks out. Even with as much weight as I've lost, I've only just recently been able to say my stomach measurement is smaller than my bust (consider the fact that I wear an H/I cup, my stomach has to be pretty damned significant with just a one one inch difference). So yeah, I've looked pregnant for far much longer than I actually have been.

So why is it that so many think it's okay to comment on my belly now? They know I'm not far enough along to show, and given the nature of our meetings also know that I haven't even gained in the past month. I also haven't grown so much as a quarter of an inch anywhere since becoming pregnant; I know my belly is inevitably going to grow but it's already admittedly sticking out so what's currently showing is nothing but fat! Does anyone really need to draw attention to the part of my body that I've always been the most sensitive and self-conscious about? I'll be more than happy to sport my pregnant belly once I'm actually far enough enough along to do so, but right now it feels more like some are using it as an excuse to comment on my body.

Last week a member that's never said anything remotely negative toward me made a snide remark about how I should learn to dress better, because my top made me look "too pregnant." Later on in the eventing some of us had gone out to dinner, and when my plate arrived another member remarked with an attitude, "You're pregnant, you need to learn how to eat some fat!" Another looked over my food and added, "You're eating for two now, so you really should have heavier meals." I informed them that the baby is no bigger than a kidney bean and being pregnant is no excuse to eat mounds of crap (for the record I have added calories to my plan am concentrating on healthy meals with healthy fat). Another said I shouldn't listen to whatever my doctor says and that I should eat and gain as much as I can, it's good for the baby! And due to various other comments I'm getting the impression that some are smug about the fact that I won't be able to focus on losing weight for at least another year. I'm all for bringing a healthy baby into the world and will work closely on my diet and exercise regimen with my doctor.

Anyway, my favorite incident happened at this week's meeting with a member that's always had an attitude with me.
Member: "Oh Karen, look at your pregnant belly sticking out!"
Me: "I'm not even 9 weeks. I'm not showing yet. My waist measurement hasn't even changed."
Member: "Oh, don't worry, I started showing early too!"
Seriously? Was she even listening or was she more eager to be able gloat over me having a belly now that there's an excuse to point it out? The very same lady told me that it's "normal" to gain 60-90 pounds during a pregnancy a few weeks back .

I'm sure I'm all hormonal and irritable right now, and I do understand that people generally like to gush over baby bumps, but come on . . . at least wait until I actually have a baby bump to gush over! I'll even join in with you! If it were strangers finding out I was pregnant and commenting on my "bump," I'd be alright with that. But I've yet to look any different than I did shortly before I was pregnant, and these ladies have known me for years when I was at a much higher weight and should really know better. What gives?

Ok, I feel a little better after getting all that out. Carry on.
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Old 05-16-2013, 05:32 PM   #2
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Honestly sweetie, you may want to consider not attending the meetings while pregnant. I can't see things getting better. I'm sorry
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Old 05-16-2013, 05:37 PM   #3
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Very understandable! By the way...women who are pregnant and overweight...CAN still focus on weight loss. Most doctors recommend gaining 20-25 pounds TOPS...to THIN women. If you are already overweight...you do not have free reign to gain more. Overweight women are more at risk for gestational diabetes. That is BAD. For people to tell you to overeat is INSANE. Your baby needs you healthy. If your weight continues to go down that is fine!

Example: My friend was pregnant and overweight and her HUSBAND was insisting she will get fatter anyway and should just eat. She retained some water and got puffy. However, when her son was born..she weighed exactly TO THE POUND what she did the day she found she was pregnant. So she gained zero pounds. She gained as her baby gained in utero and as her body retained fluid...that is it. She did not add a single ounce of fat to her body.

These people sound like saboteurs to me. I know many people in my circle who have behaved similarly during weight loss group efforts. It gives THEM permission to stay overweight if others around them are. Not good.
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Old 05-16-2013, 05:56 PM   #4
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I've never been prego but I know you are not supposed to be "eating for two", not even in the end of the pregnancy! I would just listen to my body. If you are on a healthy diet just continue as is and if you feel hungry, eat more food, but healthy food. Profound insight, I know! Congrats on the baby and on your weight loss this far!
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Old 05-16-2013, 07:47 PM   #5
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I just need to come to one of these meetings and beat these b*tches up for you I have been in the I wanna hit someone in the face with a keyboard mood for a couple of weeks now
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Old 05-16-2013, 07:57 PM   #6
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Sorry sweetie, but it's hormones . Just grin and bear it, and if you can't, you may be better off just avoiding meetings during the next year or so. Whatever it take to keep you sane!
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Old 05-16-2013, 08:11 PM   #7
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It would be nice if people could truly be happy for someone else's success ....unfortunately people can resent your achievements and hard work.....and wish secretly you backslide!!!
Years ago I went to TOPS....and because I lost weight consistently and usually was one of the top loser for the week...slackers were jealous.
People are jealous when you set a goal and strive to reach it....makes it hard for them to offer up their excuses why they are not hitting their target.
In life there will always be people that will have a Pity party....That is just who they choose to be!
Do yourself a favor and separate yourself and your baby from these people who are apparently clueless about pregnancy weight gain in first trimester and nutrition for a Pregnant mom! Unless they are just using it as a cover give you gabs... Congratulations on your little one....do not let their negative view of life.... Overshadow your success.
Good Luck ....and pass the torch to one of them and wish them well.and move on to a more positive nurturing environment.
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Old 05-16-2013, 08:26 PM   #8
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I too have GAD and negative bantha poodoo like that can trigger days of rumination. You're a stronger woman than I, Elladorine, if you can tolerate that nonsense! In another of your posts, you mentioned the possibility of forming your own group with a few other people. Is that something to reconsider now or would it take too much mental and physical energy?
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Old 05-16-2013, 08:50 PM   #9
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Oy vay.....
I'm NOT hormonal and I'm over here fuming for you.
What a bummer.
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Old 05-16-2013, 10:23 PM   #10
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People can be so insensitive. This is probably why a lot of women wait until the last possible minute to tell others that they're even pregnant at all. Then, there's less time to deal with all the nit wits. Sorry you're facing a bunch of them right now. Hang in there! Look at what a wonderful reward you'll get in the end!! 9 months will pass before you know it!
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:03 AM   #11
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This sort of crap makes me very angry. Especially since I have a "real world" friend who was also working to lose weight when she got pregnant recently. She faced an insane amount of negativity. She miscarried last night. Tragic that so much of the little bit of joy she had was robbed by these people.

YOU have done amazing things Ella. You know your body. You can handle the haters
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Old 05-17-2013, 06:03 PM   #12
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I agree with Jane!

That's frustrating. Those people are jerk. AND you can handle it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgVclM0s_eI (Sing this in your head).
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Old 05-17-2013, 07:08 PM   #13
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Stay strong. Those people that are feeding you the negative comments are coming off as nothing but jealous and petty.

It IS hard to be overweight and pregnant. I have 4 boys, when I got pregnant, I was pregnant from my neck to my knees; I swear! I remember, with my last son (he's 4 now) being at Target and having someone come up to me in line and say,

"WOW! When are you due? You are huge! Are you having twins?"

This happened more often then you might think.

At first, I would try to laugh it off...some comment about having huge babies (which wasn't a lie,my boys ranged from 8'10 ounces and TWENTY-TWO+ INCHES LONG to 9lbs 5 ounces). Finally, I STOPPED letting people be rude and inconsiderate. I wasn't nasty about it (well, maybe once or twice when it was almost 100º and I was 9 months pregnant...then they were just asking for it!) I would just say, "Both me and my baby are fine, your concern for our well being is touching, but not very considerate." (or something like that)

Between those comments and people asking me if I was disappointed I was having another boy (IN FRONT OF MY OTHER SONS), I have to say I lost a lot faith in people while I was pregnant. Aftewards, I realized that some people are just ignorant, some are just mean spirited and some are just not happy with themselves and their own lives, so they live to make others unhappy too.

Don't let THEIR unhappiness ruin YOUR happiness.
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:45 PM   #14
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Oh my gosh! You were at a weight loss group?!?!?!? Sounds like high school! You are amazing for being as patient as you have been, hormones or no. Maybe you wont be working on the numbers lost on the scale, but you have a perfect opportunity to practice eating healthy and giving it the best possible chance for a good delivery and quick return afterward!!! Congrats on both the weight loss and your pregnancy!
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Old 05-17-2013, 09:22 PM   #15
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Why is it when more than four women are in a room together it always turns into high school?

Congrats on the pregnancy and you can handle the haters!
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