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Old 05-06-2013, 09:50 AM   #1
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I go to the gym every night and with my ipod plugged in, I manage to run / speed walk / run on the treadmill for 20 mins straight before I move onto other equipment.

This Saturday the weather was REALLY good and somehow my bf convinced me to run with him on the streets of our neighborhood. (We have a really long but narrow biking / walking trail) I thought it was a fantastic idea (I never ran in public before) but but BUTTTT I was so wrong!!! I have never felt more self conscious in my life!!! Since the trail is narrow my bf asked me to run ahead. I refused. I told him to run ahead or next to me. I couldn't stand the thought of him watching me run from behind. Every time I'd see other joggers / walkers / bikers I would stop dead in my heels!!! I just couldn't run with them watching!! It happened SO many times! I felt like putting my head under the first truck I saw !!!

My bf was so super patient the whole time. He did get mad at me for not getting my ipod along cos he knows that music really gets me going. On the way back he even mapped a route which wasn't on the trail. He thought I'd run through the quiet neighborhoods where no one was watching and there weren't too many cars passing by but I just couldn't bring myself to it. He said he knew I had the stamina to run but it was a mental thing stopping me. He said I need to stop feeling weird about people watching and cars passing by and just run. He said that I can stop going to the gym but I shouldn't stop running on the streets !!

I know he makes sense but at that moment I felt like everyone had their eyes on me like "oh look, fat girl running". My bf is super athletic and does not have a single fat cell on his body (flat stomach n everything!). He is too freaking fit and in my head that was worse 'cos I was like what if I am embarrassing him? Needless to say we walked the way back and my bf tried to cheer me up with stories from his school days.

Sunday morning I went to the gym alone while he slept and I ran my usual 20 mins without giving a hoot about anyone there! What is wrong with me? I want to be able to run with my bf. How do I deal with this mental block?
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SW: 262 | 5% Lost (250) - 4/8/13 | 10% Lost (235) - 5/19/13 | 15% Lost (222) - 7/10/13 | 50 lbs Lost (212) - 8/13/13 |
ONEderland (199) - 6/26/14
| 75 lbs Lost (187) | No longer Obese (170) | GOAL (150) |

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Old 05-06-2013, 10:01 AM   #2
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Yes!! I am just now getting to the point of not caring.....as much When I first started out I would stop dead in my tracks each time a car passed or I saw someone coming towards me.

I actually mentioned this to my DH last night. I asked him on his thoughts of what people were thinking "look at that fat chick running, how does she do it" when they saw me. He said no, probably the opposite, they are probably thinking that should be them out doing something and they should be getting some exercise too. I said you're probably right, because I think the same thing when I see someone running.

Thing is, I still "hide" behind my sunglasses regardless if it's sunny outside or not. I guess if I don't have to look someone directly in the eye I'm not as visible. Who knows, weird right?
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Old 05-06-2013, 10:04 AM   #3
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Honestly, what people are thinking is probably more like, "I'm impressed that she's out here running even though she isn't skinny" or "What an inspiration! Maybe I should try running." Believe the best about what's in other people's heads! And, really, who cares what people think? This is about YOU becoming a better healthier happier person. Do what you need to do and don't worry about them.
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Old 05-06-2013, 10:23 AM   #4
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First, major kudos for the hard work you are doing! I admire anyone of any shape or size that can run at all --- waaaay beyond my limited prowess at this point. Also, your BF sounds like quite the keeper and he obviously cares about you. So lots of good things going on with your post.

I do understand how you feel about exercising in front of other people, but my guess is that the people who see you are thinking in that brief moment: "Good for her my legs hurt was that a robin I better remember to buy more milk after work I wonder how far I've run so far I need new shoes because these hurt I guess it was a robin...." We just aren't that important to most people we pass on the street.

How much time do you spend thinking about what they looked like?

I am a body-weight outlier in my very fit community, so I can feel uncomfortable when the 85 year-old woman runs past me up the steep hill; I make it a point to make eye contact and nod or smile or say "hi" when I pass people. Most people are friendly right back and I truly believe most people wish me well.

I hope you keep doing this because running outside is so different and in some ways so much better for you than running inside. And so pretty! ANd there's birds and flowers and cute dogs!
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Old 05-06-2013, 10:24 AM   #5
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Your boyfriend sounds like a seriously awesome guy. The fact that you are getting out there and running? Also seriously awesome.

Read this: http://flintland.blogspot.com/2012/05/hey-fat-girl.html

It is hard to make that leap, but in the end, why do those people matter? Who cares what they think? If they judge you for trying to get fit they are jerks. Why do we get so wrapped up in what jerks think of us?
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Old 05-06-2013, 10:28 AM   #6
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I so get this! I am doing the C25K and Saturday morning I wanted to run but it was the city yard sale... no way was I going to run on the running path in town! I then thought I could go around the neighborhood and I just pictured so many people saying... Look at HER!

Hugs.... Just gotta shake it off I guess.... Keep your chin up!
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Old 05-06-2013, 10:54 AM   #7
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I was never embarrassed to be seen exercising. Apparently I wasn't embarrassed to been seen waiting on line at Chipotle or Georgetown Cupcakes either.
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Old 05-06-2013, 11:04 AM   #8
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Oh jeez! This is so me. Except, I can't even go to the gym without wigging out. But...I wanted to run SO BAD!

I finally stepped out for the first time on April 29th. Yep. I know the date. My kid wanted to go play, but the ground was wet, so we compromised by going for quiet walk...except she is four. Nothing is quiet with her. She ended up taking off within seconds of getting outside and even though I have a bright kid, I still have the mommy instinct that she is going to made a stupid mistake...like run out in front of cars, so I bolted after her, not a care in the world except I HAVE to get to my kid. Granted, she never left the sidewalk, but none the less, I don't like to take chances. Anyways...I ran. In public. And I realized once I caught up to her, that it wasn't so bad, but then again, she had been my distraction.

So...we went out the next night. And the next. And the next. I take her with me on all of them. We go half a mile before I drop her back off with her dad and I complete my run, because by that point, I'm worked up and not willing to stop. She's my distraction that keeps me from caring, because she is my ONLY point of concern at that time.

It isn't so bad, really. We do have a Douche-Bag that likes to jeer at me daily, though. You know the type, never had to work at anything. And of course, I live in a circular subdivison and have no choice but to pass him 4 times to make one mile. Man he is a jerk. And EVERY time I pass him, I KNOW he is trying to embarrass me, but it only pisses me off more and more. He thinks he is better than me. But not so. I used to be thin. I used to be fit. A car crash and a depressive fit changed me from fit to fat in less than a year...but I am doing something about it, although it took a decade. But...would he have the will power if the shoes were reversed? I doubt it. So...I have taken a new goal with my running...my kid is my distraction. Douche-Bag is my motivation. Let him eat my dust. I hope he chokes on his words in the next year, because I am so going to show him up. Jerk.

Anyways...I know where you are coming from. I agree with your awesome boyfriend...get the music. A distraction REALLY helps, at least, it helped me.
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Stage 1: Mini Goal 1: 265 pounds - complete 1/12/13; Mini Goal 2: 250 pounds - complete 4/17/13; Mini Goal 3: 225 pounds - completed 10/21/13
Stage 2: Moderate Obesity BMI - completed 11/26/13; ONDERLAND; Overweight BMI
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Old 05-06-2013, 11:14 AM   #9
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My circle of friends are all thin. My boyfriend is super fit, very muscular and often times I don't think he realizes that even small things make me feel uncomfortable. However, in the past few weeks some of my friends have noticed that I refuse a beer, or the bag of chips or "unhealthy tings" as a whole. And they've all asked me whats up. Apparently they don't see the 232 lbs that I do.

I wish I could run. I tried and it wasn't for me. But I live in a very rural neighborhood and have back roads with only a few houses on them. So I didn't get too nervous. I can see and feel your worry here though. It's hard, but honestly now that my closest friends all know I'm trying to watch my weight, they've all become subconsciously supportive. my one friend just said "keep doing what you're doing". And thats nice to hear, especially from a man. You're doing this for you and I really believe those "judging you" will be giving you a pat on the back that you're out running and not sitting on the couch.

It'll get easier! Good luck
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Old 05-06-2013, 11:40 AM   #10
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#1 thing to remember - There is NOTHING wrong with you. You are who you are, and that is wonderful. Have you got a quirk? Yeh, you do. Do other people have the quirk? Yep, they sure do. If anything, it is normal, for especially a woman to be self concious.

So much of this journey is not about losing weight. It is about gaining ourself, our confidence, our lives back! (or gaining for the first time in some cases.)

I know it is different for everyone, but this is how it is for me. There was (and sometimes there is) a point when I realize that no body is going to fix it for me. I can't control a darn thing that anyone else does (especially what they think of me). The ONLY thing I can control are my actions, both mentally and physically. Funny, controlling my mental actions are sometimes more difficult.

This weekend I went hiking with my b/f. Similar to you, he is pretty fit, and well, I don't appear to be. There were lots of other people on the trail, lots of healthy looking people. Coming back down the trail, I could tell a lot of the people passing us were struggling (even the healthy looking ones). You know what I started thinking? Maybe them seeing ME, weighing 250 pounds, coming down that trail gave them motivation. Maybe there is someone out there walking that trail that you and your boyfriend were on, and they wanted to run but they were too scared. Maybe if they saw you running it would give them the courage and inspiration.

The truth is I could tell you motivating stories all day, all of us could, but what will have to happen is you will have to experience a moment where you just can't stand to walk that trail anymore, where what YOU think is more important than what other people think. Even your b/f! I think it is the greatest lesson we can learn on this journey; not how to eat right, not how to exercise...but to realize we deserve to do what we want without caring about what other people think.

My personal motto that I think of often when I'm facing something I'm scared to do:

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” - Anais Nin

*hugs*, you are doing amazing and you WILL get there!
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Old 05-06-2013, 11:44 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NotTheCheat View Post
Your boyfriend sounds like a seriously awesome guy. The fact that you are getting out there and running? Also seriously awesome.

Read this: http://flintland.blogspot.com/2012/05/hey-fat-girl.html

It is hard to make that leap, but in the end, why do those people matter? Who cares what they think? If they judge you for trying to get fit they are jerks. Why do we get so wrapped up in what jerks think of us?
Wow, trying not to cry after reading that. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing that!
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Old 05-06-2013, 11:50 AM   #12
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Wow. After your post 100mother - I had to click the link. I bawled like a baby. Thank you NotTheCheat - I think I really needed that.
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Old 05-06-2013, 11:58 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChickieBoom View Post
I was never embarrassed to be seen exercising. Apparently I wasn't embarrassed to been seen waiting on line at Chipotle or Georgetown Cupcakes either.
that hit home!! so true !!!
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SW: 262 | 5% Lost (250) - 4/8/13 | 10% Lost (235) - 5/19/13 | 15% Lost (222) - 7/10/13 | 50 lbs Lost (212) - 8/13/13 |
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| 75 lbs Lost (187) | No longer Obese (170) | GOAL (150) |
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Old 05-06-2013, 11:59 AM   #14
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When I first started running, I ran in the evening in the dark, lol. Eventually I began not to care (and it got lighter out in the evenings) and just enjoyed the exercise. I was doing run/walk and like you, I didn't want people to see me do the run part.

What is great is that the running community is super supportive. When you get to do a 5k, everyone will cheer you on!

Hang in there!
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Old 05-06-2013, 11:59 AM   #15
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I think if you are uncomfortable running outside on the street etc, then you shouldn't be undue pressure on yourself to do it. I would say the same for anything really. If you are exercising regularly in a place where you feel secure, then just stick with that, that's what important. Not that you shouldn't run outside, not at all. But I just feel like losing weight is stressful enough, no need to put extra pressure on ourselves unnecessarily. I guess what I'm trying to say is it's ok to run outside, and it's ok to give yourself permission not to.

Just my 2 cents

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