I had a pretty crappy weekend, eating wise - I was forced into situations where I had to eat at three different restaurants, two of them had absolutely nothing healthy on the menu. Even though I was careful and ate less than half of the meals, I knew I consumed way too many calories, and then I felt bloated and gross so I skipped a different meal to help make up for it and then I was starving so I ate too late in the day and ate things I shouldn't have.
I have no willpower when it comes to my family. I had really just wanted to say no and stay at home, but when anyone misses a family function for any reason it turn into a big thing where my Mom keeps bringing it up for an eternity. I missed Thanksgiving a couple of years ago because I had pneumonia and my Mom still brings it up. And my husband isn't being much better, wanting to stop for ice cream after taking our dog to the dog park, eating fast food in front of me, saying "just one bowl of cheesy hashbrowns isn't the end of the world." Well it feels like the end of the world to me.
I was really upset after my weigh-in last night. I had weighed 286 Saturday morning and then I somehow managed to gain 3+ lbs in less than 48 hrs and I wasn't even happy or satified with what I had eaten. I still had a loss of 3 lbs for the week and I should be happy with that, but I'm still replaying the last 48 hrs in my head wishing for a do-over.
I can't avoid my family indefinitely, but I'm not very good at confrontations, and I don't even want to think about what would happen if they knew why I didn't want to go out to eat. It would turn into a thing, and I would end up feeling guilty, which I fear would send me on one of my infamous mega binges. Ugh...I should have moved to Chicago when I had the chance and then I would at least be too far away to have to eat out with my family very often.
OK - I'm done feeling sorry for myself. It's time to get back to it and maybe try to exercise a little more this week so I can rid myself of the greasy pasta I ate along with the equally greasy pork sausage.