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I feel bad but... (RANT alert)

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Old 04-11-2013, 01:25 PM   #1
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Default I feel bad but... (RANT alert)

I feel bad but does anyone else get exhausted by the whining and complaining from people who can't lose weight, post here about it, get lots of helpful advice and they still just write excuse after excuse of why they can't do it?

I do my best to try and pay it forward with all I have learned in 3FC and from my doctor/nutritionist/people in my life. I never say I have all the answers but I will always answer as best as I know how and really think about my responses before posting them.

The negative responses from people just irk me to no end. I know you have to be in the right place in your life to start your new plan of eating, exercise, whatever it is. And I try not to let them get to me, I just move on to another thread and life goes on.

There are some frequent posters who start threads for drama (just my opinion) and then some newbies who want to flash a magic wand and lose 150lbs (I wish I could find that wand too!).

There have been a few times I just wanted to log off my account for a week, month, whatever and get away from the negativity. But thank God, the positive, inspiring, motivating posts all take priority and make me smile, knowing we are mostly all in this together and that I need all of you to continue my success.

Please know, I don't mean posts that someone needs legitimate helpful support and advice. I post those once a week myself. I hope you all know what I mean.

Rant over.
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Old 04-11-2013, 01:29 PM   #2
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When you're done with the wand I call dibs! Lol
I try to ignore negative Nancy's myself. Best u can do if offer advice, it is up to them if they take it or not but don't let it stress ya out!
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Old 04-11-2013, 01:45 PM   #3
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I also just ignore them or stay away. But they do drive me batty! In fact, i quit posting in the thread i joined this site for because there were so many negative people and rude huge drama-starters. My weghtloss is all the drama I need in my life right now.
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Old 04-11-2013, 01:51 PM   #4
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I try to be zen about it.

Everyone who loses weight gets there on their own. It's not like they were talking to someone in the break room who lost weight and the newly thin coworker said, "I ate less and exercised more" and the fat coworker said, "OOOOOhhhhh!" with lightbulbs going off.

Most of the time if people feel the need to justify, they're not really doing it to you, they're doing it to themselves. And sometimes, it's a way of them to get closer to the action they want to take.
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Old 04-11-2013, 01:54 PM   #5
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I hear you. I have a lot of those same reactions. When that happens, I (generally) realize the best thing to do is not hit the reply button and just move on. And I try to channel the feelings into empathy and compassion...

More often than not, we're the cause of our own sufferings (this plays out in so, so many ways - weight loss is just one of them). While I see that someone's suffering (of their own making) and not in a place where they are really ready to change / ready to hear, I just feel compassion - what else can you do? You can't really help anyone who isn't ready to be helped - again, no matter the subject. There's a distinction between giving advice on concrete items / sharing knowledge for people who want it and want to learn, and people who have a strong desire to lose weight but don't want to put in the work / want to understand what it entails.

I've come a long way when it comes to weight issues, but I'm sure that "not ready to help myself" describes me to a T in other areas of my life. So as much as my inner critic wants to get all judge-y at those posts, really, I'm in no place to judge. But yeah, I struggle with those same reactions and have to actively work at the compassion / not judging part. I think it's probably normal.
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Old 04-11-2013, 01:54 PM   #6
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TOTALLY know what you mean.

I see those posts that you are talking about and I just skip them. I don't want to be rude, and I know sometimes people are not the best at communicating what they are really trying to say, but I just don't have the energy for other peoples drama. I have enough of my own as it is, thank you very much

I feel for some of the noobs around here, who don't yet understand what this whole journey is really about, what it really takes, how long it really takes and everything else that goes with it. There is no magic wand. I had been waiting for one for the last 15 years and it took that long for me to come to my senses! Hopefully though, they will all reach that ah-ha moment and get a good solid start on the journey! I just posted this over in another thread this morning.. I think it fits right into this topic hehehe



On the flip side though, sometimes I get it. Sometimes I just want someone to validate the thing that I want no matter how out to lunch it may be. However, I do try and have the courtesy to acknowledge and thank people for their responses, even when they are telling me what I don't want to hear.
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Old 04-11-2013, 01:55 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Desiderata View Post
More often than not, we're the cause of our own sufferings (this plays out in so, so many ways - weight loss is just one of them). While I see that someone's suffering (of their own making) and not in a place where they are really ready to change / ready to hear, I just feel compassion - what else can you do? You can't really help anyone who isn't ready to be helped - again, no matter the subject. There's a distinction between giving advice on concrete items / sharing knowledge for people want it but don't know and want to learn, and people who really want, don't know, but don't want to put in the work.
Also THIS ^^^^^^
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Old 04-11-2013, 02:00 PM   #8
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Yep, I know what you mean. I do get frustrated and sometimes want to !@#$% but like Jessica said, I try to be zen about it and move on to the next thread. I understand trying to help and typing out carefully thought posts and getting basically dismissed because it isn't the answer(s) they wanted to hear. etc. I always enjoy and appreciate your posts, Elvislover, just so you know!
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Old 04-11-2013, 02:19 PM   #9
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I need to head out soon so I'll probably come back with a fuller reply, but if you get frustrated here, try running a weight loss group and dealing with all this face to face.
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Old 04-11-2013, 02:44 PM   #10
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Haha. I know that feel! That's why I like to follow chat threads in specific subforums - helps to have a "home" on the site once you become a seasoned veteran and already know everything there is to know about everything (I'm joking obviously).

The first and the last few lbs are exciting - the lbs in between are just day-in, day-out.
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Old 04-11-2013, 02:53 PM   #11
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Thank you all for understanding!! I just needed to get it off my chest and be done with it already. I know it's not easy to start this whole journey we are on and that I can't make anyone do anything but UGH!!! Usually it just rolls off my back but 2 threads tipped me over today and I literally wanted to scream. WHY!?!? IDK lol. But I did!!

You ladies are the best.

And....elladorine, no freakin' way!!! But I can't wait for your reply later.
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Old 04-11-2013, 02:57 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Goddess Jessica View Post
Everyone who loses weight gets there on their own. It's not like they were talking to someone in the break room who lost weight and the newly thin coworker said, "I ate less and exercised more" and the fat coworker said, "OOOOOhhhhh!" with lightbulbs going off.
It happens so much in the real world, I guess it shouldn't be that big a surprise that even on 3fc, there are people who are disappointed that losing weight (esp. a significant amount of weight) is hard work and a boring long slog of eating less and moving more. And whatever eating plan you follow, that is still what it comes down to in the end.


I think I've gotten to a point where I mostly try to find it funny - the people who want to know how they can lose 30 lbs in a month or 80 lbs in 6 months or some other crazy goals, and then get all pissy when people try to help them and explain why that's not realistic but wouldn't it still be wonderful to lose 15 lbs in a month or 50 lbs in 6 months (or whatever actual numbers) and why not get started and accomplish that?
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Old 04-11-2013, 03:13 PM   #13
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Elvis-- hugs

I could have written this exact post last night (and the night before).
Somedays I feel super patient with newbies and other days I have a short fuse.

Mostly I try to not reply when I'm not feeling nice. I live by the "thumper speech" (if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.)
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Old 04-11-2013, 03:54 PM   #14
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I get those threads and try to move on. What frustrates me worse is my co-worker who is always trying to diet but gives up a week. She'll talk about it till the cows come home. I'll ask her what her plan is. Every time it's a loosy-goosy plan (I've used loosy-goosy plans before but she's too flighty to do loosy-goosy I think(. I've tried to makes suggestions. This week's topic was: I need the PERFECT exercise to lose all this weight and then it'd work! I told her the only exercise that works is one you will do. No dice there. I wish she'd stop proclaiming it on high and just LOSE the weight. She is the reason I don't tell anyone I'm losing weight.

Note: In January, we were the same weight. She was going to diet. I was like hellz no I cannot be the fattest person on this unit. And onwards I go. Evidently after that yo-yo she gained 10 pounds. I'm 31 pounds lighter since Jan 1 and she's heavier than she was. I really do want her to be successful. But instead of talking about it, just do it already. And commit 100% or even 75% will work
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Old 04-11-2013, 04:22 PM   #15
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Exactly Daimere!! If these people put half the effort they do rebutting everything into DOING something they could be halfway there!!

Good on you for not wanting to be the biggest person in your work and using that as your motivation. You have to find what moves you and motivates you to keep going. People like that at your work exhaust me though! And you can't just close the thread on her!!

Thank you again for all the replies. I just took a little walk with my doggy and thought how lucky I was you didn't all call me a "B" for starting this thread.
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