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Let's Discuss - "I love you just the way you are"

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Old 02-21-2013, 03:14 PM   #1
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Default Let's Discuss - "I love you just the way you are"

I don’t call my boyfriend Steve a keeper for no reason. He is loving, caring, supportive and loves me just the way I am. He makes me feel beautiful, desirable and loved each and everyday. He supports my journey to lose weight but he tells me quite often that he loves me know matter how much I weigh that my weight has nothing to do with how he feels about me. When we first met I was at my highest weight of 298 and he has been here through the whole journey.

I have began to realize though this type of support though wonderful can also provide an excuse for you to hide behind if you’re not careful. You begin to psych yourself out with that voice in your head "He loves you know matter what so why don't you have that pizza instead of this salad", "I don't feel like exercising and why should I", and so on.

Anyone else have similar experiences or any input on this subject.

Last edited by SmallSteps : 02-21-2013 at 06:28 PM.
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Old 02-21-2013, 03:20 PM   #2
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Oh boy do I!

I love my boyfriend, but in the last 3 years I've put on 66lb because he's a feeder and I'm an eater. After a long discussion we both understand that he can't keep offering me food, and I can't keep taking it (he use to play pout if I wouldn't accept the food). He still tells me he thinks I'm sexy, and the weight doesn't bother him, but it bothers me.

I think what really made it sink in for him that I am trying was when he offered me something that was less than healthy and I told him I was going to go for the healthy option instead.
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Old 02-21-2013, 03:21 PM   #3
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My husband has always said he loves me just the way I am and that I'm not fat and I just always assumed he was lying. It's only recently that it's occured to me he's telling the truth. And that is only because he's put on some weight the last few years and while I can see he's put on weight, it doesn't affect how I feel about him.

btw, we've been married almost 20 years lol
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Old 02-21-2013, 03:30 PM   #4
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I think that's when it becomes very important to communicate that while you LOVE that he loves you just the way you are, and that you adore that about him, that it's not just about love and acceptance, it's about health and aiding you in reaching your goal. Maybe tell him that you can see using it as an excuse to make unhealthy decisions and that the last thing you want is to use his love as an excuse to be unhealthy.

My hubs is the same way, never batted an eye when I gained, never treated me different, always loved and supported me no matter what. I made sure to let him know that while that means the world to me, I need to not allow it to become a hiderance to reaching my goals. And of course he wants me around as long as possible and in good health so he was happy to make sure his support lead me in that direction.
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Old 02-21-2013, 03:31 PM   #5
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Count me in

My boyfriend is the same. He's forever telling me how gorgeous & beautiful I am (I know... DAMNIT), and if I bring up my weight, he'd just repeat this and tell me I look fine but if I want to change anything he'll give me moral support and love me just as much. Even so far as to say "I don't care if you're a rake or the size of a house, I love you because you're YOU. All that matters is that you're happy with yourself".

I'm at the point now where I'm ready to change things, and he's forever congratulating me and telling me I look smaller, and happier. I honestly believe that if he was nagging me to lose weight (aside from the fact I would have broken up with him along the lines of "if you can't take me the way you find me: then find someone else to go out with") I'd probably develop a complex about it and refuse to do anything purely out of spite, regardless of the fact it'd hurt me too.

Because he's put zero pressure on me, I know for sure I'm doing it to please myself, so I have so much more confidence that I can keep up whatever changes I decide to implement.

Oh, and I had fun explaining the "Intuitive Eating" thing to him... He was under the impression he couldn't eat around me. Know he's happy with the fact that if I say "no thanks, I'm not hungry" it's the end of the conversation He's insecure about how he looks too because he's very lean and finds it hard to bulk up, and never in a million years would I say to him "well, why don't you just go to the gym?". He knows my struggles like I know his and we respect each other. If he wants to go to the gym, he'll go. If I want to go to the gym, I'll go.

Maybe it's just a rebellious streak, but I would make a point of not doing it if he told/asked me to. It's not like he's asking me to wash the dishes or something, it's a lot more personal.
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Old 02-21-2013, 03:56 PM   #6
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I hear ya!! When I was in the 170s he would tell me that I was "thick" and that "fat" was women over 200. Now, that I'm 236 he tells me I'm "plump" and he loves me just the way I am. I don't know that I would want it any different because even if he told me I was disgusting I doubt it would make me lose weight. You have to lose it for yourself, no one else.
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Old 02-21-2013, 03:58 PM   #7
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I met my husband right before I turned 17. He was 22. It was truly love at first sight as we have been inseperable since then. I was fat then and over the years became super morbidly obese. And he loved me all that time.

He is incredibly proud of me and my weight loss, but he hates how hard I am on myself. So sometimes he is like "If you want a cookie, have it! It's not going to effect you!" So it can be a slippery slope!

BUT - I know for sure I would not have been successful on this journey without his support.

Jen
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Old 02-21-2013, 04:06 PM   #8
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My husband has been supportive of me at every weight I have every been, I'm so very lucky.

When I first met him, I was right about 159 and I thought I was HUGE!! Who would have thought I'd double my weight in the 18 years we have been together. We have had some really good times together and we ate very very well! The most he's ever put on was about 25lbs and of course, he's lost it already without even trying (just eating healthier since I started my diet).

He always told (tells) me I was (am) beautiful and that never changed when my weight was going up or going down or back up again. I feel so blessed that he loves me for who I am, not for what I look like. (If he ever felt otherwise, he's never said anything or acted like it.)

I thank my lucky stars every day for him and can't wait to be beautiful for him again. Not that it's all about the weight but I want to be pretty for him as well as myself. This has been quite a journey!
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Old 02-21-2013, 04:12 PM   #9
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My husband tells me this as well. He did tell me once though he would like me to lose a little weight for my health and because I would feel better about myself. I didn't take offense because I realized he was right, I didn't feel well physically or emotionally because of weight.

I will give my advice as an "old married lady". Men are simple creatures. Unlike women, they don't usually have ulterior motives for what they say. Take what your boyfriends say to heart as just a compliment. I'll also add, if you feel like this is undermining your weight loss efforts, realize that is your issue, not his. He is just telling you something nice as his way of being supportive. Put yourself in his place, does his weight matter that much?
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Old 02-21-2013, 04:17 PM   #10
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Ok well I've gotta give it to my husband too! After 27yrs of marriage and seeing me from a size 5 our first yr to my highest size 22-24 at some points has never said anythkng about my weight gain and as a matter of fact has no idea why I don't / wont wear sexy under things and such like before. When I explain that thdy don't make them in fat sizes that I am nowand he gets mad and says I'm no different now than I was then. He still sees me as that size 5 and can't understand why I'm not happy or comfortable with myself.
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Old 02-21-2013, 04:38 PM   #11
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As a side note, my EX-husband would always say things like "when are you going to lose weight?" or "you're getting a gut" and he was morbidly obese himself.

I lost the weight and I lost the jerk

I've been very blessed with my boyfriend! This time I'm going to lose the weight and keep the man.
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Old 02-21-2013, 04:44 PM   #12
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I met my hubby online, we were just friends for a year, he had no clue what I really looked like, and when our relationship turned into a romantic one I got a bit freaked out about my weight. He insisted that it didn't matter, and when we finally met in person, it really didn't. He's even told me he'd still love me just as much if I weighed 500 pounds and I know he's completely honest with that.

Yet with that being said, I still want to feel physically and emotionally well, to not be bogged down with extra weight and all the health problems that come with it. So even if he loves me just as I am, my weight loss journey has absolutely nothing to do with how happy he is with me as-is.

So what good is slacking off from my weight loss goals just because I've already snagged the right guy? I'm not doing any of this for him, I'm doing this for me. I want more energy. I want to feel good and look good. I want the freedom to pick out clothes that I like, not to have a limited selection dictated by what they have in plus sizes. I don't want to have mobility issues as I age just because of my weight, and I don't ever want to become a sickly burden to him or anyone else. Something he's told me over and over is that he just wants me to be happy.

So yes . . . I'm doing this for me. And I figure a happier, healthier me is good for both him and our relationship no matter how hot he already finds me.
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Old 02-21-2013, 05:02 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PreciousMissy View Post
As a side note, my EX-husband would always say things like "when are you going to lose weight?" or "you're getting a gut" and he was morbidly obese himself.

I lost the weight and I lost the jerk

I've been very blessed with my boyfriend! This time I'm going to lose the weight and keep the man.
I missed this while I was posting. But I totally know the feeling there. My ex used to try to tell me he loved me just the way I was, but it was pretty much a ploy to get me to cave in and binge with him (he was bigger than I was) because he did not want me dieting. In almost the same sentence, he'd turn around and tell me that maybe he'd be more attracted to me if I hadn't let myself go and gained so much . . . and this was after he'd watched me lose 80 pounds!

I totally couldn't win with him . . . glad we both ditched the jerks and found our worthwhile someones.
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Old 02-21-2013, 06:50 PM   #14
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I love reading all the wonderful post and input from everyone!!

I to recently lost the jerk he made me losing weight almost impossible unlike my boyfriend who support and encourages me every step of the way.
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Old 02-21-2013, 07:39 PM   #15
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My husband has seen me through all my varying weights and sizes, pregnancy and all, high weight, low weight, everything in between. He's loved me through it all and has *never* indicated in *any* way that my weight affected how he felt about me or how attracted he is to me. I am so blessed to have him (he is average/thin-sized fwiw). We have enjoyed a (ahem) robust and passionate love life throughout our marriage no matter what my weight. I am so thankful that even at 9 months pregnant he was attracted to me when I felt like a downright whale.

That said, it can be a bit (unintentionally) sabatoging because I'm happy and at peace with myself, happy with my husband, and my weight has never caused me any kind of health issue. It's easy to just be like -- our life is awesome, hand over the pizza lol...

...but I know that I just feel better in my own skin when I'm smaller. Even though I don't feel my weight has stopped me from doing what I've wanted to do, let's face it, it's just easier without excess weight. The clothes look cuter, they're easier to find, I just feel lighter. So, that's why I am stickin' with it -- slow and steady wins the race lol
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