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Depressed and crawling back.

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Old 02-17-2013, 02:01 AM   #1
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Unhappy Depressed and crawling back.

I've done this before. After giving up this battle against my body, I've tried three times now to come back to 3FC. To the one place that really helped me lose 40 pounds so easily I can hardly grasp the concept now. I've even tried making a new account so I wouldn't be so ashamed of myself for gaining so much back after getting down to the 220s, but hiding the massive weight gain from the internet didn't hide it from myself.

So, here I am. Again. Worse off than I've ever been before. Almost 20 lbs higher than my previous highest weight. I saw 280 on the scale today, and I just feel like dying right now. Not in a real way. Just in a "please, just let me lay in bed for 5 days straight so I can pretend I don't exist" kind of way. I know this is extremely melodramatic on an intellectual level....but, on an emotional level, I am so far gone. I don't even know where to start anymore. I know quite a few of us have been in this mind space before, so I don't feel as crazy as I probably should for admitting it.

Anyways, this is me coming back. Not just because I want to anymore...because I need to. I've always been a bigger girl, but I don't even recognize my body anymore, and I feel like I am literally killing myself at this point. I can't keep giving up after my first major set back, or let life get in the way again. Someone please kick me in the face next time I try to leave? Ha.

Sorry for the downer thread, I'm just in a really bad place right now. What have I done to myself?
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Old 02-17-2013, 03:15 AM   #2
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Hello Ophelia!

We are here for you and most of us have been in that exact same place before- I know I have!

We are all about progress here and today you took a step in the right direction!

I don't know if it will help but it took me losing 30 and gaining it back to start the journey I'm on now- 65 lbs down as of this morning.

Welcome back
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Old 02-17-2013, 06:26 AM   #3
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I am so glad you've posted and have come back to 3fc. We have ALL gone through this. If losing weight and keeping it off for a lifetime was easy... we wouldn't need 3fc. Folks here aren't going to judge you in a negative way. Please, you must forgive yourself. I know it's not easy - but, please try.

So now you want to try again. You've done it before. You CAN do it again. Plan, plan and plan some more.

So glad you took the step to post again.
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Old 02-17-2013, 06:38 AM   #4
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Hey, welcome back It's completely normal not to nail it first time, and it's a great decision you've made coming back!

I can't begin to tell you the number of diets I went on, losing weight and gaining it all back, plus more... Just try to be gentle with yourself right now and think about what DIDN'T work before. Be honest! If you want something sustainable, you've got to not hate it (I'm sure you know this, I just didn't think it was important before... used to believe I could shoehorn myself into any old diet and it'd work - so not true!).

And, you may want to crawl into a hole and hide right now, but you don't have to do that here! We've been there before. So, love your body! (I swear this isn't as cheesy as it sounds... ). Your body is a remarkable thing! It will still respond to you putting different food in it, and doing different exercise! Why not try a week or two on some different plans to decide which one's for you - permanently? And if you're starting to not like one, just swap?

Either way, *hugs* and welcome back
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Old 02-17-2013, 07:54 AM   #5
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Ophelia, welcome back and congratulations on taking charge of your health.
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Old 02-17-2013, 08:15 AM   #6
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Hello and welcome back. Been there, done that so I certainly understand.

Sounds like you need a hug rather than a kick so, at least for now

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Old 02-17-2013, 08:49 AM   #7
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I think we should all be afforded a little melodrama in life, especially if it can help us laugh instead of cry.

You are not so far gone or you wouldn't be trying again. You're back so "High Five" for that.

Good luck!
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Old 02-17-2013, 10:58 AM   #8
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Ophelia, I don't know if I can add much to what has already been said. I have been where you are...many times. All I can say is that this time when I committed to losing weight, I started with a program but slowly modified it to fit my lifestyle, my needs; it has totally changed into a different program! So far, I am succeeding. You must find what works for you and your needs.

You came back here for a reason...support. We are all behind you and are sending positive energy your way.



You are going to succeed this time!!!! Even if you slip, use it as a learning experience and never, ever, ever give up!!!
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Old 02-17-2013, 01:19 PM   #9
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Welcome Back!


Life is so challenging sometimes (Read: sucks horribly, unfair and understandable). Other then bummed about your weight...How are you feeling? I know this is going to make me sound like a stalker (but 3FC makes it easy to look up old posts), but I hope it comes across more kind and caring then creepy...How was 2012? Do you think you were able to work through some of the grief of your dad passing? I think think that would throw a wrench into anyone's plans.

Is part of the reason you feel 2013 will be different is because your dad would want to see you healthy and strong?

I'm sorry if I've brought up some painful emotions, but I think it's hard to move forward when emotions aren't examined.

I hope we see you around a lot this year! If there is one thing I can do for myself- it's to check in here. Even if I feel like I'm off track and spiraling out of control...I can at least check in here. And I know these ladies will do everything they can to keep me from slipping all the way down the hill, you know?
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Old 02-17-2013, 01:53 PM   #10
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Welcome back. Such an excellent support source here. Keep your head up and pushing forward.
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Old 02-17-2013, 02:15 PM   #11
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Welcome back and good luck on your journey!
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Old 02-17-2013, 02:19 PM   #12
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I am so glad you are back and please know that you are not alone. I am also recently back after a long absence and know that yes, not telling the internet I was gaining back all I had lost didn't mean it wasn't happening.

I know the regret and guilt and frustration. But you won't get there unless you try, and you are back, trying. And that's a lot.
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Old 02-17-2013, 02:24 PM   #13
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Been there, done that. Totally. Welcome back!!
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Old 02-17-2013, 03:40 PM   #14
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A big hug for you, Opheliaphoenix. That's a good name for someone who needs to rise out of the ashes! And as so many others have said, most of us have been there!
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Old 02-17-2013, 04:02 PM   #15
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Hug

We're here for you. Watch the lbs melt away before you even know it.

Need book recommendations to help you feel better/get your mind off things (pleasure reading not diet) let me know!
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