Oh I feel for you right through my IPad . Just wish I could reach out to comfort you and give you support. I too remember trying to start and it was definitely hard...what I did is take it hour by hour then it moved on to meal by meal.
Try and find something that distracts you and replace that with food.
A new hobby or something that you can do that will even keep you away from food.
When I started on IP I would go upstairs away from the food and bring my drink or food with me to prevent temptation...later it became easier and I now I can bake a cake and frost it with out even being tempted. I was told it takes 30days to form a new habit..I think that's what I have done.
You can do this ...it just takes being able to tell yourself No ! Not forever just for now.
Good Luck and thank you for sharing your heart filled post it really touched my soul.