Hi Folks! (sorry for the incoming wall of text. Apparently I had a lot on my mind...)
I haven't checked in in a long time. I see so many new names but still recognize quite a few from the past.
I took a "break" from dieting the last year and it took me the past couple of months to realize what I took a break FROM exactly.
As it turns out, I was just tired of thinking about food all the time. Between measuring and calorie counting every stupid thing that went in my mouth, reading labels, trying to eat 100% clean, and being obsessive with the scale, I think my brain just said EFF IT
and I stopped trying.
I have remained sugar free for 3+ years and for the most part still only eat clean, but I stopped the constant monologue of what I was going to eat, when and how much. Instead, I snacked when I felt like it and allowed myself to have treats whenever (treats for me is frozen fruit or natural peanut butter - but calories are calories so these are not good choices for me as it turns out).
The end result is that I gained back 31 pounds of the 188 I lost and never hit my goal weight of 132.
Another really weird thing I noticed is that my conscious brain would shut off, and I would suddenly find myself snacking. Or I would talk myself out of a good choice telling myself that "tomorrow I will be better at not snacking so much".
Anyway, about a month ago I started really feeling the need that I had to buckle down again and start moving towards my original goal. My newly resized wedding ring was getting snug and my pants are no longer flattering.
I am hoping that some good came out of the year-long break and my metabolism or whatever internal settings we have, has reset. I think my doctor finally found the right dosage of my hypothyroid meds after a year of experimenting with dosages (in 2011) - which is what halted my weightloss in the first place and led to me no longer trying to power through it.
The encouraging news is that my old thinking and eating habits have come back pretty easily - if you count "easy" being 2+ months of me giving myself nightly pep talks that 'tomorrow I begin again!' and then going into complete denial by 3pm before admonishing myself then starting the next pep talk. It has been about a week now of being strict again (and I already lost 1 pound imagine that!), and I remember why it was so tiring! If I am not constantly reviewing my eating plan, drinking tea/water or chewing gum, then I am gravitating towards something snack-y. I definitely have an oral fixation and some sort of mental disorder(s) when it comes to food. But, now that I am in the mode, it is not so bad/easy staying in this headspace.
Anyway, it is nice to be back!