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husbands, weight and empty compliments

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Old 10-18-2012, 07:58 PM   #1
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Default husbands, weight and empty compliments

So, I'm only back on plan 2 1/2 weeks and have come down just over 10 pounds. I have been working out pretty decently I think for a "beginner", and today I notices "saddlebags" starting at the very top of my inside thighs. I was kind of and kind of at the same time, because heck yeah, I'm seeing some results already .

Now I have to tell you, my husband is a good husband. Of course, there are times I want to kill him and throw his body in the woods for the coyotes to eat. But, really over all he is a good man, he is faithful and loves me unconditionally... though maybe unconditionally is through completely unseeing eyes too.

I showed him my newly noticed "saddlebags" and said "They have not always been like this have they? I don't remember this little pouch thing hanging like this.". His response "I don't know, I never really looked".

Ok what the heck does that mean?? Has he been saying how he thinks I'm beautiful no matter what I weigh all these years and really not even seeing what I look like? Is he secretly appalled by me and just doesn't see me when he is looking at me?? He wouldn't say any more (probably because he knew he was digging a big hole to try to climb back out of, I'm sure my jaw dropped because I was really fighting tears), so I don't know for sure what to make of it.
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Old 10-18-2012, 08:16 PM   #2
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I think he probably just did not know how to answer this statement. Men say dumb things when they are cornered. My husband does at least. Mine said he was concerned I was getting too bony and there wouldn't be anything left to hang on to. I know he meant it as a compliment, but I found it odd that he needs a muffin top in order to be able to embrace me, and I had a vision of him molesting the anatomy class skeleton.

When it comes to matters of weight, they do not want to say anything that will leave them sleeping on the couch, sexless for weeks. I asked my hubbie if my butt looked bigger the other day (I actually have been trying to enlarge my glutes), and without even turning from the computer, he spouted out "You have a great @ss." He will not risk making any comment that will enrage me, which, depending on the day, may be anything. I too have contemplated the coyote feeding project on occasion.

Your husband loves you and does not want to upset you, I'm sure. It sounds like really he just did not come prepared to give his best weight loss speech. Don't be offended by it, and certainly don't let it affect how you think he feels about you. Just keep plugging along, and eventually there will be no doubt about how much you have changed and he will not have any choice but to say something that's not dumb!
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Old 10-18-2012, 08:27 PM   #3
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Oh sweetie, he's a man. He's bound to say stupid, thoughtless things every now and then. It's like the law of nature. Men don't understand a woman's mind at all! And let's be honest, women in general let the most minute comment cut them deep and tend to read into every word someone says (especially their significant other). I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it at all. He's your man and he loves and cares for you... even if he doesn't always know how to properly express it in "woman-speak".
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Old 10-18-2012, 08:30 PM   #4
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I think what he probably meant was that he's never looked at your thighs and scrutinized their every inch noting each bump, lump, and pouch. I think it was probably more of a compliment that he didn't really know what you meant.
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Old 10-18-2012, 08:34 PM   #5
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They have to "play it safe" my dear cause if we are honest with ourselves depending on our emotions of the day. They are "damned if they do & damned if they don't" (my husbands words not mine )
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Old 10-18-2012, 08:44 PM   #6
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Its not just a guy thing!
My fiance is also female and she will say things like this to me-- "Did I always have this roll over my jeans?" or "man, I cannot wear these pants any more, my thighs look huge. Do you think they look huge too?".

There is NO good answer to this. Nothing....either you're agreeing that some part of your loved one is sub-par or you're implying your just not paying attention.

I think for most people, we focus on the things we love about our partners. Do I see that my partner's thighs maybe aren't perfectly toned? Sure, but other than when she says "is this true?" I'm not focused on it. We fixate and remember those parts we love and don't critically analyze every potential body flaw.
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Old 10-18-2012, 08:50 PM   #7
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Exactly ducky if we only loved our mates when they looked good & young & sexy beautiful there would be ALOT of unloved people in this world !
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Old 10-18-2012, 08:57 PM   #8
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Thanks everyone.

I do know deep he had good intentions.. but of course he is male.

I do find myself frustrated a lot with his male thinking vs. my female thinking. Darn the difference in the sexes
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Old 10-19-2012, 12:26 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1spunkygal View Post
They have to "play it safe" my dear cause if we are honest with ourselves depending on our emotions of the day. They are "damned if they do & damned if they don't" (my husbands words not mine )
This is kind of what I was thinking. As a woman I wouldn't really know how to answer that question. If I ask my husband something, I always make sure to phrase it more specifically. "Do you think my arms look smaller than last month?" or "Do you think these jeans are unflattering?" I do my best to avoid asking "loaded" questions. If I inadvertently do, I usually catch myself fairly quickly and rephrase.
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Old 10-19-2012, 07:15 AM   #10
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I don't even know is it is male versus female. I didn't notice when my ex-husband had large weight fluctuations. I just didn't care about his physical appearance that much. I loved him. I never scrutinized whether he had 'saddlebags' or exactly how far his stomach extended. Cuz who cares? If a man was only interested in physical perfection, he would never be interested in me. Yes, I want a man to think I am beautiful. But not because he's examined every inch of my (ever changing) body and found it acceptable. Because he loves who I am, and sees all of my best features (kindness, humor, etc.) when he looks at me. If I have that, I prefer he doesn't recognize all my physical flaws, but don't care much either way.
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Old 10-19-2012, 08:17 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaurieDawn View Post
I don't even know is it is male versus female. I didn't notice when my ex-husband had large weight fluctuations. I just didn't care about his physical appearance that much. I loved him. I never scrutinized whether he had 'saddlebags' or exactly how far his stomach extended. Cuz who cares? If a man was only interested in physical perfection, he would never be interested in me. Yes, I want a man to think I am beautiful. But not because he's examined every inch of my (ever changing) body and found it acceptable. Because he loves who I am, and sees all of my best features (kindness, humor, etc.) when he looks at me. If I have that, I prefer he doesn't recognize all my physical flaws, but don't care much either way.
To the bolded, this is exactly how he is. I am really a very very lucky woman. He is an awesome husband. I knew he would be or I wouldn't have married him. (my ex was the complete opposite so I really do know how lucky I am)
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