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Old 04-17-2003, 10:11 AM   #1
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Default getting angry

Its strange, but my level of anger directed at myself has increased as I lost more and more weight. When I was morbidly obese, I was saddened at my size but not angry. Now, when I look at myself in the mirror I get mad that I am not smaller than I am. It might not be a healthy way of dealing with weight loss, but I guess it is keeping me motivated.

I just went and bought a bunch of size 44 dress clothes (for work). I am sick of wearing size 48 and 50 pants that cinch up when wearing a belt. While I can get them on, they are not "wearable" yet.
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Old 04-17-2003, 10:36 AM   #2
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Hey, I'm the same way! When I first started trying to eat better and exercise, I was like, "I don't look that bad." Now I'm like, how did I get to be so huge? Where did all these rolls come from? It's so weird; I don't understand it. I guess maybe I just expected too much when I started . . . like I'd look like Sandra Bullock by now
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Old 04-17-2003, 10:37 AM   #3
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Matt-----anger is a terrific motivator. I've always found my sucesses to come when I look in the mirror and get angry about myself.

And I'm glad to see that buying smaller sizes is a thrill for the gentlemen, too.
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Old 04-17-2003, 12:06 PM   #4
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It makes sense, Matt because it's constantly on our minds now and we want it to happen faster.

Buying new clothes in the middle of weight loss is good for me because I don't want to feel like I'm in this forever transition time.

You're going to look great in those new work clothes. Enjoy what you've accomplished!
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Old 04-17-2003, 08:00 PM   #5
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i feel the same. i think i'm more disgusted with my body now than i was before. i had kinda resigned to being my big size, but now that i'm not going to tolerate it, i can't seem to lose weight fast enough.

i don't get mad though. i get depressed. gotta work on that.
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Old 04-18-2003, 12:30 AM   #6
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Hey..... it's all good.... it seems as though everyone feels the same way... even me.... I get into this hole or something, I get so upset that I even let myself get so huge.... and I find myself wondering why I want to live the rest of my life on a diet, or if I"ll ever get to eat fat food again, but then I think about it, and it repulses me to even think about McDonald's or Burger King. So yeah, it's probably normal, but when I think like that, I just don't do anything about, I don't let myself dwell on it, I just go on dieting like I should, and I come on here a lot, which is where I get most of my motivation. Ok, so I would say YOU GO GIRL, but that wouldn't be very appropriate, so GO ON WIT YO BAD SELF!!!!!!!!!! We're bad, We're hot, and someday I WILL wear a sports bra (and only a sports bra) when I run... hehe "Head up young person" hehe
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Old 04-18-2003, 12:35 AM   #7
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Matt,

I know exactly what you mean. Last night I was in a dressing room while my daughter tried on clothes and I caught a glimpse of myself in those lovely dressing room mirrors . I was so upset that I've lost 84 pounds already and I still look this bad!!

When I was at 330, I knew I was fat, but I didn't think about it much and I honestly didn't realize how bad it was. I wore pants with elastic waists and didn't pay too much attention.

Now I spend so much of my time focusing on my weight and how much I work out and how much I can eat, so I think I really really realize how out of control my weight has been, whereas before I just ignored it.

You're putting your anger to use though and that's great!! You're making great progress and should really be proud of yourself.
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Old 04-18-2003, 08:03 AM   #8
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oh geez..l why do you folks keep bringing up such HARD topics??? but these are the really important ones.

a wise woman i once knew said that very overweight people are disconnected from their bodies., and once they connect, THEY CAN'T STAND IT!!!!!!

I think she's right. when i weighed 450-500 pounds, i had absolutely no concept of where i began and ended., no sense of what i looked like.

and now that i've lost more than half of my body weight, i feel enormous, even though i have these collar bones sticking out and i can see all the bones in my hand, feet, knees, and i fit in chairs and people view me as 'normal.'

wish i could fix this for all of us. wish penny were around.. she had lots of wisdom about how we perceive our size...
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Old 04-18-2003, 08:25 AM   #9
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Yep, I'm hardly even into this whole life style change thing. I guess I started in mid February. I'm seeing myself doing the same thing - before I started this whole process, I just pretty much ignored what I looked like. Now I stare at myself in the mirror, looking for new muscles, flexing the ones I've got, searching for definition. I look to see if this bulge is smaller, or that one doesn't pooch out *quite* as much... I'm not so much angry yet as frustrated. Frustrated with myself for allowing so much time to pass before I realized I have a GOOD body. Frustrated that I didn't start this years and years ago. And of course impatient. It *seems* like the weight goes on so much faster than it comes off. And even though I'm starting to slowly fit into clothes that I haven't worn in years, it's not fast enough.

But then too, like Ruth mentioned in her journal, all mixed in with this growing pride in my body, this thrill of seeing myself develop - there is fear. And I get frustrated with that, too!
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Old 04-18-2003, 08:30 AM   #10
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jiffy, I think you nailed it. I think when I allow myself to not be on plan and then of course start gaining weight - I am very disconnected. I totally close my eyes to it. It's only when I face it, that I get upset. And with upset, comes some motivation and action. Sometimes I wonder why I let myself disconnet time and time again. maybe it's easier than the hard work and dedication it takes to lose the weight.

Matt - I am so very proud of what you have done so far. You'll be styling in those 44's in no time!!
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Old 04-18-2003, 10:56 AM   #11
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Yes, Jiffypop is right. I remember being totally disconnected with my body before I lost weight. I used to look at myself only from the neck up, so I never had a good sense of just how big I was. I couldn't face it until I was ready to let go of the weight.
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Old 04-18-2003, 11:20 AM   #12
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I think that is it completely. Before I had no real conception of how large I had become. As a defense mechanism we must be programmed to view ourselves in a particular way that distorts reality. As we shed pounds, that defense mechanism sheds as well. When then can see ourselves in a true light, and are often angry at it. I'm glad that I hate my body now, because I am doing something to change that.
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Next goal is 175: Pounds from goal = 4.2.
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Old 04-18-2003, 12:05 PM   #13
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I think hating one's body is kind of strong words. I do sometimes wish I could walk around with a B4 picture taped to my back! LOL! I have alot of work to do and I get extremely frustrated with all my healthy habits I am when push comes to shove a fat girl. But I also know this is a transient state and I am focusing on my future vision. Plus I have the miracle of seeing the changes in my body. My beautiful calf muscles, the rise in my pecs, my solid bicep. I am that catepillar waiting to transform into a butterfly.

Miss Chris
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Old 04-18-2003, 06:56 PM   #14
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I think this is why so many ppl never diet until they see themselves in a photo. I know I had know idea untill I saw myself and couldn't believe this is what I had allowed myself to become. In before and after stories so many ppl write about not realizing they were that big untill they saw a picture.
Don't get mad get even! That's my motto and with every pound that bites the dust I'm getting closer and closer to goal.
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Old 04-18-2003, 07:49 PM   #15
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oh dear. so here's my dilemma, and question for us all. we seem to agree that we're disconnected from our physical self, and some [most? all? i'm raising my hand here!] often zone out while eating [ever watch someone eat popcorn mechanically? the hand goes into the bowl or bag or into the mouth, and you can't interrupt the flow].

and then we generate this self hate which gets us going., WHY OH WHY CAN'T WE DO THIS OUT OF SELF LOVE/????????
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start: 506 [Sept 2001]
weight at gastric bypass [Jan 29, 2002]: 409
current weight: 225
weight for plastic surgery: 200
final goal: 180

Posts by members, moderators and admins are not medical advice. See your physician before taking advice found on the internet.
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