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Old 03-31-2003, 01:28 PM   #1
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I'm down to wearing a size 46 pants (in the waist). However, I am not really happy with it. I thought when I started losing weight I would see this amazing change in my body. Frankly, when I look at myself I still see this amazingly fat man.

I can't notice any change at all. Even though my friends have. I wonder when I will reach a stage when I am not self-conscious about my weight, when I can walk down the street and not feel like everyone is looking at the fat man.

I don't even know what I weigh, so it is hard for me to judge exactly how obese I still am. How obese is a man with a 46 inch waist?? When will I be completely comfortable being in a crowd?

July 1st will be the 1 year anniversary of my weight loss journey. I hope to be down to a 42 by then (i'd even be happy at a 44). My progress has been alot slower than other people, but as long as I reach the finish line I will be happy.

BTW, how many of you have lost weight down to your "goal" before? Whats it like being skinny? I was a fat baby, fat child, and fat adult. I have no idea what it is like to "maintain" a weight. I'm already scared I will gain the weight back and I haven't even lost it yet.

I guess I am filled with negative thoughts today.
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Old 03-31-2003, 02:00 PM   #2
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Matt! Give yourself a pat on the back for what you have done!!! You've taken 12 inches off your waist! - amazing.

what kind of exercise are you doing? I have really noticed that on the days I exercise my outlook on life is so much better. Just food for thought

Think about this: you want to lose 24" off your waist - you've already done 12 - you are half way there!!!!!

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Old 03-31-2003, 02:13 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally posted by matt_H
I can't notice any change at all. Even though my friends have. I wonder when I will reach a stage when I am not self-conscious about my weight, when I can walk down the street and not feel like everyone is looking at the fat man.
I hear ya! Went to a wedding this weekend, wore an outfit that I was uncomfortable in, but changed into jeans for the reception. I didn't care if everyone was looking @ the fat girl, I gotta be me & I gotta be comfy. Even when I lost weight on Phentermine, I still felt fat. It wasn't until I lost a good 60# that I began to notice changes.

When will you ever feel comfortable in a crowd, um, does anyone ever? I have a feeling I'll be a smaller person w/a fat person's brain for awhile after I make goal. I hear it isn't that uncommon.

As for being a skinny kid, I remember having to sit on a lot of laps during car trips & being told I had a bony butt.

The other thing I remember my aunties said about me was when I was about 4 & wearing a 2 piece swimsuit. I didn't quite fill out the back of it, so the material sagged a bit. Hence the nickname Beanbag Butt for that summer.

They sound really mean, but it was done in love.

As far as thinking positively goes: You're doing it! You will get there! You've come pretty far already. Slow & steady wins the race.
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Old 03-31-2003, 02:33 PM   #4
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you know why you don't see a difference? because you see yourself every single day!

your friends see you in intervals -- take a picture of yourself from before and after, and look at the two side by side. can you see the difference then?

i hear ya -- i don't see it in myself either, but i had to buy new jeans. so something MUST have happened!
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Old 03-31-2003, 02:41 PM   #5
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Matt - I have never reached goal - been down 40 lbs a time or two, but that's about it. I wasn't always heavy. I don't know if that makes it easier or harder. I have that pair of size 12 jeans that I wore when I met my husband. (I like to think it's all his fault! ) I remember wanting to lose 20 lbs, being normal. But I have been heavy or on my way for the past 12-14 years, so that is my memory now.

Soemtimes I notice my face looks thinner or I think, wow this shirt used to be tight, but mostly I still see myself as very obese and I get discouraged because after all this hard work, I am still huge. Baby steps Matt, that's what we have to do, baby steps. We will get there.

I think your better off not being a scale slave. Your numbers are amazing and you know that you are making progress becuase your sizes have gone down greatly. The scale is not always a good thing.

BTW - gaining it all back is my BIGGEST fear. Look at 2003 so far - Jan (-11); Feb (-10); Mar (+8.5). I have never been able to maintain.
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Old 03-31-2003, 03:12 PM   #6
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Matt,

I think you're doing great and making amazing progress!!! I know exactly what you mean, I lost over 50 pounds before anyone even noticed at all. I thought, Wow, I'm so huge that 50 pounds doesn't even make a difference, but people are starting to notice now, and your friends are already noticing, so you know you've done great.

As soon as I fit into the next size down of jeans, I always start trying on the next size only a week later, and of course it takes much longer than that. It's a better monitor than the scales though, so you know you're making progress and getting that smaller waist size. Keep doing what you're doing because you're really making great progress.

I have lost a bunch of the weight once, I was down to 136 and I still have those size 4 jeans in my closet. At that time I still wasn't happy because I wanted to weigh 120, now my goal is 140! I was really stupid and didn't change my bad habits and gained it all back and then some.

You're an inspiration and a motivation!! Keep up the great work!
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Old 03-31-2003, 04:42 PM   #7
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Matt, the before and after picture is the only way I can ever tell weight loss (that and when clothes that never fit suddenly do or don't). Remember that you look at yourself everyday, and have been seeing the change gradually.
I don't think that you will ever really think of yourself as thin. I mean who really does? Even those little things who weigh a buck o five, say they should lose five pounds. I know that I have never felt thin, even when I was. Maybe I have really low self-esteem, but I don't think so. I think that it is going to take a long time to get to where you think of yourself as thin.
I've never had the pleasure of reaching a goal. The closest I've been is + 25 pounds. I do worry about regaining. I think that for me, the key is to continue my weekly weigh-ins in order to tell if I gained in the week. I can then readdress my diet to get back down.
Matt, you have lost 12 pounds. That in itself if something in itself. You have been doing great, and have been a great inspiration to me. Keep up your good work.
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Old 03-31-2003, 04:53 PM   #8
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Hi Matt!

I can identify with how you are feeling. At one point I had lost 40 pounds, and was almost half way to goal. But when I looked in the mirror, I couldn't see that I looked any different. I was smaller, because I was able to fit into smaller clothes. I wonder why our mind won't let us see the difference. You are not alone.

You have done great ~ you keep up the good work.

I worry too about maintaining once I get there. I have not ever reached goal yet. I've got to conquer that first.

Take care ~ glynne (Gayle)
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Old 03-31-2003, 04:59 PM   #9
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Thanks everyone!

I guess I have just been in a depressed mood lately.

Dana, the exercise that I mostly do is walking. It is easy, cheap, and I already know how to do it. I have a few weights at home, but I haven't been lifting them as much as I would like.
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Old 03-31-2003, 06:30 PM   #10
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Matt, have you tried pilates? That one is kicking my rear but I definitely am noticing a difference. You can get several different tapes, and even though it's rather a love/hate thing with me, I'd recommend it highly.
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Old 04-01-2003, 01:39 AM   #11
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When your weighing machine arrives (if I remember corretly you've ordered one) It will make a big difference being able to judge week by week seeing those numbers go down. It was about 4-5 months before I even got a comment apart from my dh and often my measurments don't seem to do alot but my weight keeps going down so I know I'm getting smaller just in an all over way. As for feeling good in a crowd well you'll sure know it when you get there Keep on keeping on and one day you'll be so happy at how far you've come and how little you have left to go.

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Old 04-01-2003, 11:35 PM   #12
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<groan> you've hit a major nerve here. i've lost 260+ pounds, and for the life of me, i feel as if i've lost about 50!! i have no sense of my size, i have no connection with my body. but there's no longer a double [triple?] chin, and my collar bones are showing and i feel so vulnerable!

my company's website posts our pictures on it. and the graphics guys have been terrific. they grab me on a regular basis whenever i've changed dramatically. but do i look at the pics?? NO!!!!! But doing that on a regular basis really is the only way to tell. unless you want to do those people outlines on a regular basis. but that's a bother.

a therapist once told me that all heavy people had one thing in common: they had no connection with their bodies. and the day they make that connection, they can't stand it. maybe it just takes us a long LONG time to establish it.

but bottom line, matt, you've done a terrific job, even if you can't tell. please don't give up.
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