I agree with everyone that you have not failed! I love all the posts but especially kaplod's.
I am very concerned by your statement "No I am not dead, but sometimes I wish I was." Could you possibly be suffering from depression? If so, there is help for you, please see a doctor.
Smallsteps! Hang in there my friend! We all go through ups and downs so you are not alone. Just hang in there as well as you can and be gentle with yourself. You won't feel this down forever and when you feel a bit better, take a walk. Listen to some music. Whatever puts a smile on your face. You should be so proud of what you have accomplished thus far. You have been my inspiration ever since I started 3FC...and still are. I wish I could be as brave as you to post comparison pics and post at my lowest to reach out. We are all here rooting you on You got this girl
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! I completely agree with all that has been said so far on this thread.
I am posting to be another voice letting you know that you are not alone. My story is that over the school year I regained all the weight I lost last summer. I am back and I am going to do it again, and I will lose even more than I did last time.
This is an open invitation to join all of us who have stumbled but who have picked ourselves back up and are at it again. We can do it!
Same story. And I think I remember you from Sarges boot camp.
Have you ever considered joining in on a group setting? Spending time with others going through the same thing can be a great help. TOPS is non-for-profit so it's cheap to be a member and any plan is allowed.
This is not meant to be spam at all; it's just that I noticed we live in the same area and it's something that's been a big help to me.
Thank you each and everyone of you for helping me pick myself up and begin to move forward again. I ate well this weekend for the most part, increased my water intake again and actually swam some laps in the pool. My reward was a 2.4 pound loss on the scale this morning even with the arrival of TOM expected in the next couple of days. So who knows by the end of the week I may have gotten rid of those 5 pounds and gotten myself back on track.
I found this quote today and it seemed appropriate:
“It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.”
Thank you all again for your unconditional love and support!
I also recommend TOPS - it really helps you put "normal" into perspective. Most chapters read the net gain or loss for the week (take that and divide it by the number of members) and you see that the average weight loss is far, far less than one pound per week.
Our chapter has almost 30 members, most are trying hard - and our "average" weight loss on a good week is .25 lbs (I think our record was half a pound).
And yet we beat ourselves up if we haven't acheived a loss of 2 lbs or more.
You're a cheetah not a turtle, we're just taught to see everyone as a turtle because of the rare super-cheetahs who end up on magazine covers and on television (not everyone on a magazine cover is a cheetah, but the magazines do tend to emphasize the super-speedy when it comes to weight loss. Despite the fact that most people don't accomplish it, it's hard to find a story about anyone who took longer than a year to lose all their weight. We only want to hear about superhuman weight loss, not average weight loss.
Exactly one week ago, I was feeling exactly what you are feeling now. I returned from a two-week vacation full of binging and gorging...the only thing that saved me was doing a lot of walking and hiking when I was gone. I didn't weigh myself when I got back (I don't weigh myself often because it depresses me) but I felt sooo bloated. My pants were so tight. I was depressed because I had plans to exercise and be in control when I was gone, but I didn't do it.
I wanted to give up, I felt so down. I wanted to just keep eating and postpone going back to my diet for another week. Fortunately I made a one-year commitment to stay on track, so as soon as I got back I got back on plan. But last week was HARD.
But I kept going. And now I am back in a positive frame of mind. The bloating has largely gone away and the pants fit again. I didn't let those negative thoughts get to me. I told myself that I'm too old to do this weight loss thing again, so I'm not going to give up.
You have done so well. Don't give up now. You will regret it. So you've gained five pounds. Big deal! You can lose that in 2-3 weeks. But losing 50 - again - is tough. Take a short break if you need to. Eat a bit more or exercise a bit less and just maintain for a week. Then te right back on it once you feel more positive. Just don't slip back. You can do it!
After a low-blow to the progress in December (I had a miscarriage and it wrecked me for a while), I did a lot wrong and just did.not.care. AT ALL. So, here I am right back at where I started. However, I've found some sites that really helped me with self-esteem and acceptance which I believe is how I've been able to make better, more healthful decisions even without weight loss. To me, being healthy is far more important than being thin and they don't always go hand in hand.
You have NOT failed, unless you give up. You're struggling, and have had a setback. Don't give up. YOU ARE WORTH IT, even if you don't really believe it right now.
5 lbs is not all that much. You should have no problem getting rid of that weight and getting back on track.
Sometimes I get really frustrated with my weight loss. I've just gotten past a really stuck spot that lasted a good six months. I was about 230 lbs in October, gained weight in November and December (about 10 lbs) and then took the whole spring to lose it again. It's June and I'm just now getting below that number. Pitiful.
But I think there is some value in continuing to do the best that you can, even if it isn't perfect. You'll lose less ground that way. And I like the idea of getting involved with a face-to-face group. It can help a lot with motivation, as long as you don't get caught up in losing weight at a different pace than everyone else.
You got this girl 
TOPS is non-for-profit so it's cheap to be a member and any plan is allowed. 
