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Old 05-28-2012, 03:50 PM   #1
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Hi everyone.. I thought I would share a little of my story, warning, this could be long

My name is Amanda, I am 32 years old and am married to my high school sweetheart. We have 3 beautiful children, Christian 12, Haleigh 11, and Noah 10 months. I am embarrassed to tell you all that I am currently at my highest weight ever and have only 1 or 2 articles of clothing that still fit me. I am even more embarrassed to tell you that I lost over 50lbs in 2006 and have gained it all back plus about 30 more over the last few years. I know exactly why I am fat, and yet I feel powerless to do anything about it, most days.
Last April, my oldest son was diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension, and i have stuffed all of my fears and anxiety about his condition with food. Since I was pregnant at the time, it was easy to write off the initial weight gain as pregnancy weight, but when I kept gaining after I gave birth, I knew I couldnt deny that my "coping" mechanism was/is at fault. Some days I just want to sit and cry and hide from the world while I feel sorry for myself and for my son. I know there are children MUCH worse off than my son is, and I am so grateful that Christian is not as symptomatic as he could or even should be, but for us since he didn't have any of the symptoms, we felt as if we walked into UVA with a healthy 11 year old, and left with a fragile, seriously ill child. Pulmonary hypertension is progressive, it will get worse, and we have been told that it is probable that we will live to see our son die from this disease. Over a year later, we are still in a state of shock.. I was sad, angry, scared.. and I stuffed all of these feelings with food so that I could go on with our lives while trying to adjust to our new "normal" which includes several medications, oxygen, and restrictions on Christians physical activity.
I have slowly come to terms with this hand we have been dealt, but the evidence of my denial stares back at me in the mirror and mocks me when I am getting dressed. My knees scream under the stress of this added weight, and my lungs burn when I walk up stairs to bed, and I have heart palpitations pretty regularly. I feel horrible and I feel OLD for my age. I am ready to make a positive change in my life. I HAVE to lose weight and get healthier. I need to be here for my kids, and at the rate I am going right now, I will be either dead, or very sick within 10 years. This is not an option. I have to be here to take care of my kids, and I want to be able to keep up with the baby. I don't want to be the fat mom, and I want to be the hot wifey again, and I don't want to end up with high blood pressure or diabetes like my dad.
Currently I weigh 260 pounds.. Currently my goal is to get below 200, and will go from there. When I lost weight before I got down to 180 and was pretty happy with that. My plan is to cut out soda, and keep my calories between 1400-1700 per day. I will exercise a minimum of 30minutes 5x per week. Exercise will be the easiest part of this for me because I actually enjoy working out, but I havent exercised any since I found out I was pregnant in Nov 2010.

If you were patient enough to read through all of this I appreciate it very much I look forward to getting to know everyone.
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Old 05-28-2012, 04:16 PM   #2
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AMANDA ~ We sure can relate to a lot of what you have shared. We have a "Regainers Relosing Thread" in this forum that you may want to check out for support and encouragement. Sending up some ^prayers^ for CHRISTIAN for his health issues too.
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Old 05-28-2012, 04:43 PM   #3
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I am sorry to hear of your son's condition. But you have got to do this so you can take care of you and him. It is important to be healthy for not only ourselves, but those people who depend on us. I know that with the support you will find here that you can do it. You have a plan, and you like exercise, so you're already on your way! And if you need to, find a support group for parents like yourselves, and attend a session. I know people who have done this, and it has helped maybe more than anything, just to know other people have the same kind of problems. Welcome, and post often, and you will be at your goal before you know it!!! Hugs for your family, too.
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Old 05-28-2012, 05:49 PM   #4
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Welcome Amanda! I was right near your weight when I began, too, and it is definitely possible to lose it all and feel great if you stick with it and don't quit.

I am SO sorry about your son's heart condition and ongoing struggles, that sort of stress and fear can get the best of even the most controlled woman. I wish you and your family the very best going forward, and welcome to the board!
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Old 05-28-2012, 07:41 PM   #5
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Welcome Amanda. I'm so sorry about your son's health challenges and all you and your family are going through. You and yours are definitely in my prayers. Huge huge hugs.

First of all, believe, know you can do this! It's a challenge because you have more on your plate than just weight loss, but you can do this! For yourself, as well as for your family. Your plan sounds pretty good and reasonable and an excellent start to your journey. Please be kind to yourself, and most of all believe! Belief will make this whole journey more meaningful and less of a punishment where it seems like you're depriving yourself and more like something you're doing for a reason- your health and your general good.

All the best as you start your journey, ok? And all the best wishes of health and well-being to you and yours! You can do this!
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Old 05-29-2012, 11:56 AM   #6
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Thank you all so much for the warm welcome and your prayers for Christian are greatly appreciated.

I am going by the gym later to see how I go about registering for childcare for the baby while I workout. I don't know how much notice they need, etc. I really miss going up there. I was going at least 5 x a week before I got pregnant, it was *my* time to crank up my ipod and tune out the world for an hour. I can't wait to start again, Lord knows I need the stress reduction benefit, lol.

Have a great day everyone
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Old 05-30-2012, 05:01 PM   #7
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Amanda, welcome. I understand. A LOT of my weight gain is due to stress eating over my children's illnesses. It is SO hard when you can't fix what is wrong with your baby. But all we can do is care for them AND ourselves. We have to be healthy to be there for them, right? Our own health can be in our control even if theirs is not. You sound like a great, loving mom! You can do this. Small changes give great results
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Old 06-01-2012, 10:00 AM   #8
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Welcome! I'm so glad you found us. I can't imagine how frustrating and tough your life is right now as you deal with your son's issues. I can certainly understand how eating can bring solace in stressful times!

I am so glad you are focusing on yourself as well as your son. Having a healthy, strong caregiver who can take some time for herself when she needs it, is one of the best things for him. I hope we can help give you encouragement and support on your journey.

*HUG*
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Old 06-01-2012, 11:13 PM   #9
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Thank you Synger and Lyn
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Old 06-02-2012, 10:06 AM   #10
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Welcome to 3FC Amanda. I'm so sorry to heard about your son. Big hugs to you and your family.
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