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Old 05-23-2012, 10:57 AM   #1
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Question for you all.

I have lost about 82 ish lbs. My highest ever was 320 and I am now 238. I know in the past I have had little "freak outs" like how do I be thin? how do I look good? how do I handle the attention? I was losing weight easily last year then around the time I went back to school stalled, gained 15 lbs at xmas and lost it plus an additional 5 since the end of january. However, I find myself overeating, exercising but not having the willpower to resist temptation like before. I have rarely eaten within cals in the last 2 mos, granted I have had a lot going on, school, moving, etc. Still, I know I can do this, I know I know how to do this. Could it be psychological that I keep hitting these barriers? I have been in the high 230's since the beginning of april, even gone up into the 240's and back down again. Am I psyching myself out for failure? has anyone else had this problem? my bf weighed 20 bs more than me when we met then started losing weight with me and now weighs 10 lbs less than me, without any effort at all and eating twice as much as me. I know that is because every person is different and he is a guy. but I wonder, is it just me in my head that is presenting these barriers to myself?

sorry I know it is long. Thanks for reading and your replies.
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Old 05-23-2012, 02:23 PM   #2
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I don't know if I actually have that problem... but I've sure had many of these same questions. I'm still far from where I'll start getting male attention, but it does make me nervous. I am more aware of men's attention to other women, and I feel a little more vulnerable with less fat on.

Like I said, I am still in the "super obese non-sexual-or-matronly" category in most people's minds. But when I hit 260-270, I stalled. Since last October. I keep sabotaging my weight loss. I can see it in retrospect, but at the time I don't.

I think it's not just my body that has a physical set-point here. I do think I have a mental set-point here. This is the weight I was when I was married some 20 years ago. I've been higher, but never lower in my adult on-my-own timeframe.

So while the first 40 pounds were fairly easy to drop, I've slowed down a LOT.

The good thing is (and what's different this time around) is that I haven't stopped. I haven't given up. I still check the scale, and when I see it inching above 270 I take action to get it in the "safe" 260s again. So I know, intellectually, that I can lose weight. It's the day-to-day practice that is where I fall down.

That being said, I'm in another push to lose. It's not a straight line for me. It's more like... lose... hold... hold... creep up... lose... hold... hold... hold... lose... creep up... hold... lose...

But so long as, over the Loooong run, those "loses" add up to more than those "creep ups", I'll slowly move into the body I want. Perhaps doing it more slowly will actually make the transition more smooth for me, too. THat is my hope.
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Old 05-23-2012, 08:55 PM   #3
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You raised the question yourself - "How do I be thin?" I think we all get to a point when we're doing really well losing (and you have done a fantastic job!) and get to a point where we look and feel so much better than before and we think it's good enough.

Try to remember that "good enough" isn't good enough for you! You deserve "fantastic." You deserve "wonderful." You deserve "11 on a scale of 1 to 10." you deserve "healthy BMI." ETC. You know what to do because you've done it. Just let yourself keep on doing it. You'll be the same person when you're thin. You'll just be smaller. You can do it.

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Oh yeah - it stinks that most guys can lose at a faster pace with less obvious effort, but that's the way it goes.
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Old 05-23-2012, 11:11 PM   #4
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One thing I've learned this time around is just how MENTAL losing weight is. It is so much more in my head than in my stomach. I think some of my stalls are absolutely related to how I FEEL about losing weight and becoming smaller. I had an emotionally uncomfortable encounter with a man around the first of the year that took me a couple months to shake off. I'm just now getting into a good losing groove again.

So and hang in there. Realizing that your brain is getting in the way is a start - now you need to tell it to butt out.
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Old 05-24-2012, 08:37 AM   #5
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Thanks for your replys all. I went on a binge last night and I know it was mental. I came home not hungry, planned on only making dinner for my bf...but he'd ordered pizza. I only had two pieces which was good, but the pizza set off a food binge :\ almost 4000 calories yest. Ugh.
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Old 05-24-2012, 08:52 AM   #6
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I wrote about this quite a bit in my blog.

I truly believe that weight loss is more mental than physical. We all know how to lose weight, but our minds stop us most of the time! Even more so we struggle with body image issues—like you said: "how do I be thin?" It's a real problem in our society because we treat weight loss as PHYSICAL when in reality it should be treated as PSYCHOLOGICAL. I've gone so far as to suggest that counseling should be a part of weight loss programs.

It's probably why those with support—either in a IRL group or support forums—tend to do better than those going it alone. You are surrounded by people who understand. IRL people will just tell you to shut up and enjoy the weight loss.

I've struggled with this myself. How do I be thin? I feel like a faker sometimes because I grew up fat. I feel like I'm deceiving people if I "pretend to be thin" or "act thin." People I've just met say that I'm in "great shape" but I wonder what would happen if they knew the "old" me.

I slowly realized that I am neither what society deems as a thin or a fat person. I'm in a limbo somewhere in between and I think I'll always be there. Sure, on the OUTSIDE I'll look like "thin 24 year old #2346" but on the inside I will be a person who has gone through a significant journey to get where I am. Accepting that has made it all the much easier to be this new person that everyone sees because while I have changed my life, the foundations that made me who I am previously are still there. I may be more health conscious, but I'm still that geeky girl who loves to play video games, write stories and play around with shiny gadgets.

So I now no longer am afraid to put out there that I used to be over 200lbs. I don't really bring it up unless the conversation turns that way, but it's not something I'm going to hide. If someone says: "Oh you're so thin it must be so easy for you," I'm not afraid to say: "Well no, I used to be over 200lbs."

I'm still uncomfortable sometimes. The attention is unnerving, seeing myself in a mirror is still shocking at times, and I still occasionally look at my clothes before I put them on and think I'm delusional...until they zip up with no effort.

I think it will ALWAYS be a struggle, mentally, but I certainly wouldn't go back and have it any other way.
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Old 05-24-2012, 11:02 AM   #7
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thanks sontaikle, i think that's what i needed to hear. i started at 320...now am hovering over 230-240 i hovered at 240-250 for 6 mos...i don't want to do that anymore. I want to get to goal. I think it is a mental game and I'm glad I'm not the only one who understod what I was saying especially the question "how do I be thin?" I grew up the fat kid too. I havent been under 200 bs since I was 13 or so and even then I went from 90 lbs at age 9 to 260 at age 13. so I have NEVER been thin. It's scary.
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Old 05-24-2012, 05:13 PM   #8
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You know maybe it is actually a good thing that it is taking some time to reach your final goal (which is only 38 lbs, btw). This may be used to help you come to terms with the new you for now. Like Sontaikle says, she is now slimmer than she has ever been, and it does take some getting used to. I have gone through this in the past too.

Honestly, it was just as shocking for me to adjust to being so heavy; I didn't recognize myself at my highest weight either. Now I am at a point where I recognize my face again. One day I ran into a lady I used to know many years ago; she didn't realize who I was -- that was an eye opener for sure. And oddly enuff, there have been people who didn't recognize me when I was much slimmer too. One time I had my hair cut short after losing weight, and one lady I had worked with didn't recognize me at all. Here I was yacking away at her, and she was wondering who I was?

Then there is the extra attention you get from people; it's not that it is so hard, as that it isn't usual. As a big person, you almost feel invisible at times, but when you are slimmer, people seem to notice you more; but I have noticed that since I am older, that has changed for the positive. People are more interested in you for you (and your money).
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Old 05-25-2012, 08:27 AM   #9
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All of these ladies have given great advice. As someone who is struggling just to start, I can definitely say most of it is mental. You have lost an amazing 83 pounds so far, and that is quite an accomplishment in itself.
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Old 05-25-2012, 04:50 PM   #10
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I've gone through periods of self sabotage for sure. I look at why, what am I afraid of, how I feel more exposed at lower weights, how I use my weight for an excuse...

I've done a lot of work around these things over the past 9 months that I've been on this journey. I've been using the Judith Beck weight loss program to look at these factors. I feel more prepared to be thin and stay thin than ever before. As I've shed the weight, I've shed old patterns, old ways of thinking. In yoga we are told that it's not about changing, it's about letting go of all the things that don't serve us. That process of shedding brings us to our real selves and that's a wonderful and sometimes scary place... but really, it's ultimately wonderful.

good luck and best!
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Old 05-28-2012, 02:42 PM   #11
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I love this thread.

Fear of being thin, of not knowing myself, not recognizing myself, being exposed, being noticed - all of that was definitely a big reason I carried and carry so much weight. I identify myself as fat. I don't know me thin.

When I was 20 years old, I lost 100 lbs. Only to have it creep back on over 3 years exactly because I was terrified of attention. I didn't like it. I didn't know how to handle it. I was comfortable with being invisible. I didn't recognize it at the time and therefore didn't realize that there were other ways to handle that besides regaining 100 lbs. And I was in therapy...lol I just don't think I was ready.

Right now I know this territory. I know 230 to 386 lbs. I'm comfortable with it. I'm terrified of what I'm going to do when I get close to onederland. I'm trying to prepare mentally for that, but the old fears are lurking. I'd definitely like to read more about people's mental journey through weight loss.
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Old 06-10-2012, 06:50 AM   #12
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SMSDREAMER2007 I can relate to what you wrote "how do I be thin?" It probably doesn't make sense to those who used to be thin but it does to those who have always been overweight. I was always taller and heavier than my friends growing up. In HS I wore a size 14 and 16 which isn't huge but when your friends are wearing size 6's you feel like it is. After HS I gained more and got to 225 or so and the first real dieting began. Lose 50 pounds, gain it back within a few years. Lose 50 or so more and then gain back over time. The problem now is my starting point keeps creeping up. I used to start when I was 225, then it was 250. Now in the past few years I have been hovering at 300!! I am afraid of getting diabetes (like a lot of my friends are getting) so I am trying this once again!
My whole point to all of that is that I have been where you are. I got close to my ideal weight and would blow it thinking the same thing. I was getting so many compliments and think it made me a bit uncomfortable. I wanted to look good but didn't want people to act like they noticed. It always set me up to start gaining again. You have to do this for your health and your self esteem. Good luck and keep us posted! You have done great!
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:49 AM   #13
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Thanks all. I know this is a late reply, but that is exactly how I feel. This time my goal is not only a weight, it is a size, a date and a treat. My goal is to be 170 lbs and maintaining by next august so that I can get together with my friend in florida who also has weight to lose, not as much as I do, but enough. I can't wait to get to 200 let alone 170. I WILL NOT let this derail me this time. I am pumped and excited. Ready to go. I need to do this for my BF, my school, my family, my friends but most importantly for me, my life and my health.
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Old 09-13-2012, 11:35 AM   #14
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Just chiming in to say that yes, I relate to this, and the whole process is entirely mental for me.

I went from being mildly overweight (BMI of 26 or 27) during my teens and twenties, to being a morbidly obese woman for the next twenty years.

Then, three years ago, I set out to lose all the weight and I did, or most of it anyway. And I loved being slim and fit. I loved all of the attention I got. I loved wearing nice clothes and knowing that when I had to go somewhere and look nice it was easy-- I could pull on almost anything and not worry about it.

But then, I got really stressed out by a lot of big life events occurring at the same time, and I just started to lose it. I started to NOT CARE and maybe in a weird way to seek comfort to going back to the way I was before... which was that fat lady with the weird hair and the awkward clothes that nobody expected anything of.

It makes no sense, but maybe somehow, I feel like when I look like a nobody on the outside, it takes some of the pressure off.

I'm back on the journey downward, but I know that I need to learn to cope better when the stress does hit.
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Old 10-31-2012, 11:33 AM   #15
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Thank you for sharing that ^

I don't think it's a coincidence that I derailed at 297.6.

It's a huge milestone and subconsciously something was going on. Yes, work was stressful and I was a zombie from overtime, but still...

So I've inadvertantly taken 5 months off. Gotten used to being in the low 300s. Started to feel superfat again. Does that make sense? Has anyone lost a good chunk of weight? You're feeling good? Wearing smaller sizes. Can tie your shoes and so your motivation lessens a bit.

I'm expecting this to happen again around the 200 milestone. ****, I might even have a lesser version when I pass into the 200s again. I hope not. Psychology plays a huge role in my journey.
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