Ladies (and gentlemen), I am back after about a week-10 days of absence from the blogs cause my life temporarily went crazy. But I've been meaning to post and get back on here for the incredible support and to get back on track.
Things kind of exploded on me in the past week and a half - everything from complete craziness and stress at work to a dear friend being diagnosed with the dreaded cancer. I kind of quit my daily weigh-ins for a while, as well as my gym visits. But most importantly my religious water consumption kind of went out the window and I had some bad eating patterns. I didn't eat that much junk, I probably just ate a MUCH bigger amount of "healthy" food and at the wrong times in the day. I thought if I could just "maintain" my weight loss while things settled down a little bit in this explosive week, then I would just continue from there when things settle.
I was completely unprepared when I stepped on the scale yesterday. 131lbs. HOW COULD I GAIN 8LBS IN 10 days??!??!?!??!??!?! When I thought I was MAINTAINING?!??!?!
This morning, the scale said 130.5
I know somewhere in there, there's probably some water retention from a period and whatever else....
but still, I don't understand this... and feel depressed and frustrated and all my fears are erupting like volcanos everywhere - I keep thinking, this body of mine REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY wants to hold on to being fat at whatever cost. I thought I had done good by having an 11lb loss in a little over 3 weeks. But to GAIN this much in just over a week??!?!? I thought OK, I had a rough time, maybe a pound or two in this time. Maybe three. But EIGHT????!
Do I have a malfunctional body?
I am back on track with vengeance today. I am NOT going down like this. But I must admit....I feel a little defeated and deflated. And with a renewed sense that this monster I am battling is even bigger and scarier than I thought.
I almost cried this morning. Its sad to say this, but I was having these unrealistic wishes of magically starting over from a fresh, young untampered with body and PROMISING to never let it go like I did mine and take good care of it. I was seriously wondering if mine is now too damaged to ever be restored to functioning correctly, or looking good.
I know this is the body I've got and this is where I am with it. So day-dreaming aside, I'm gonna just pick up and keep going. There is no other option for me. But I am beyond bummed at how easily I can lose what I fight hard to gain. Or I guess, rather the opposite - how easily I can gain what I fight so hard to lose.