3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Support Forum > Support Groups > 100 lb. Club

Is this appropriate or not?

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 02-17-2012, 01:50 PM   #1
I choose me...
 
InsideMe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 882

S/C/G: HW 265/SW 240/CW ticker/GW 150

Height: 5 Ft 3

Default Is this appropriate or not?

Ok my partner says this isn't appropriate at all, but she could be jealous, I don't know...and I wasn't sure where to post this but since I come in here a lot I thought this space would be ok?

Ok, so I have a new trainer the last month, it's a girl. She's pretty buff and works me pretty hard.

Well this is what happened. The other day she told me to warm up on the treadmill so I did. As I'm running someone comes up behind me and slaps my butt!!! I was SHOCKED

I look over and it's my trainer and she's laughing saying "haha, did I scare you? Did you think it was some gross guy?"

Ok she knows I'm gay. I don't know if she is.

But here's my thing, I wasn't really offended, I was just shocked, she was joking around I didn't feel uncomfortable but then I told my GF and she's totally thinks it wasn't right.

But I don't know, I'm so unaware at times, I swear. If she was guy I would be offended, does it make a difference if she's a girl or not, if she knows I'm gay or not? Or.....gosh I don't know, was it inappropriate? I'm feeling kind of awkward now, cause now I don't know if she was joking, or what????
__________________


every 5lbs lost




Half-Way Progress Pics

Last edited by InsideMe : 02-17-2012 at 01:51 PM.
InsideMe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2012, 01:54 PM   #2
is super awesome.
 
kateleestar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 1,763

S/C/G: ...ticker...

Height: 5'7"

Default

See, I dont know. I think if this were me and another girl smacked my butt, it would only depend on who it was. Like if a family memeber did it (we somtimes yell "GOOD GAME!" and smack eachothers butts, my cousin and I, lol) I would be okay. Random passerby on the street? No. LOL.

How close are you and your trainer? If you're close, and you dont feel deep down its a problem, I would vote 'let it go'.. does it bother your lady because your trainer is a lady too and YOUR lady is a little jealous? lol. I don't know how to phrase that. kwim, though?

I think it's fine if you feel its fine.
__________________
From 6/2011 - 8/2012 I lost 116lbs with 3FC help! Now I'm restarting post April 2014 baby!

Halloween Goal:

That's not sweat, it's your fat cells crying! KEEP GOING!
Mini Goals: 265 - done! 260 - done! 255 - done! 245 - done! 240 - done! 235 - done! 230 - 225 - 220 - 215 - 210 - 205 - 199

Last edited by kateleestar : 02-17-2012 at 01:54 PM.
kateleestar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2012, 01:56 PM   #3
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 75

Height: 5'3 & 1/2

Default

I don't think it matters if it was a guy or girl..does she know your in a relationship? if so then it deff. was wrong of her to do that! and if she doesn't..its still wrong. I think your girlfriend has the right to be upset. I would, if a in shape trainer even touched my man in any way like that i'd have some words haha..but I am old fashion in a lot of ways but still...would you like it for someone to slap your girlfriends ***??
PrincessAmy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2012, 01:58 PM   #4
I choose me...
 
InsideMe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 882

S/C/G: HW 265/SW 240/CW ticker/GW 150

Height: 5 Ft 3

Default

Thanks Kateleestar! I have no CLUE! That's my problem! When she did it I was like OMG, what the???? Just shocked, but she was joking around so I brushed it off. See I'm worried now cause what if she DOES like me, I feel weird....cause I don't like her like that. And we aren't that close, just working out buddies type of relationship. I mean we talk small talk like how our weekend was etc...so that's how she knows I have GF cause my weekends are with her cause we don't live together....

I guess do straight girls joke around like that? I have lots of straight girlfriends but we are super close and so if they did that not a big deal, but my trainer? And what if she likes me? That didn't occur to me until my GF mentioned it...now I feel weird.
__________________


every 5lbs lost




Half-Way Progress Pics

Last edited by InsideMe : 02-17-2012 at 02:01 PM.
InsideMe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2012, 02:00 PM   #5
I choose me...
 
InsideMe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 882

S/C/G: HW 265/SW 240/CW ticker/GW 150

Height: 5 Ft 3

Default

PrincessAmy I would definitely be ticked off if some chick slapped my GF's butt....if it was one of her hockey team mates no biggie....but some girl at the gym YEAH! I'd be mad too....
__________________


every 5lbs lost




Half-Way Progress Pics
InsideMe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2012, 02:00 PM   #6
Senior Member
 
Munchy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,696

S/C/G: 133.4/131.6/115

Default

If any of my good friends, male or female, did that I wouldn't give it a second thought, but my partner might!

I think it depends on how close you and your trainer are. Don't worry about it - if it goes beyond this, you'll gauge the situation at that point.

Munchy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2012, 02:02 PM   #7
Hoping for 160 by NYE!
 
sevencallmemom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: O-k-l-a-h-o-m-a...Oklahoma!
Posts: 155

S/C/G: 323/ticker/150

Height: 5'7

Default

To me, gender/preference/relationship isn't even an issue here...I'd just be freaked out by it. Seems unprofessional too.

Of course I have personal space issues, so maybe it's just me?
__________________
Trish, wife to one since 8-96 and momma to 7 ages 4-14

sevencallmemom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2012, 02:42 PM   #8
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,350

Default

I think it's a boundaries thing, and I'd be pissed regardless of whether my orientation included the gender of the person who smacked me. It's not like your trainer is your partner, you know?
MariaMaria is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2012, 02:44 PM   #9
Senior Member
 
XLMuffnTop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Lone Star State
Posts: 939

S/C/G: 252/see ticker/199

Height: 5'7"

Default

I second Seven's assessment.

It's one thing for a trainer to put their hands on you in a professional manner to guide, spot, help stretch, etc. Even the rump could be appropriate in context. But just coming up and which the cheek a good ol' whack seems weird. My family wouldn't do that (excluding my DH ) and no, I really don't like to be touched by people (again, excluding my DH) so I may be coming from a different place.

If it happens again, or anything of the sort, you can just say "I understand you're joking but it just makes me a little uncomfortable and would feel better if you didn't do X".
__________________



235: Pre-Pregnancy Weight
227: 10% Lost
214: 15% Lost
199: Onderland!
191: No longer "Obese"
XLMuffnTop is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2012, 02:49 PM   #10
Ashley
 
smashley52683's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 59

S/C/G: 256/246/150

Height: 5'5"

Default

Yeah, I have personal space issues as well...so unless it were a close friend or my husband, I would have an issue. I would also find it pretty unprofessional. Just my opinion though.
__________________
My journey began 1/18/12, Restart - 11/26/12
Short term Goal: 10%




Long term goal
smashley52683 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2012, 02:49 PM   #11
PCOS/IR/Hypothyroid
 
astrophe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 3,806

Height: 5'8"

Default

If she were your dentist would it be ok? No. If she were your mechanic would it be ok? No.

I don't think it is ok for a professional to be slapping client butt. It makes no difference if she's a man or a woman. It's just not professional, respectful behavior. Then add this...

Quote:
The other day she told me to warm up on the treadmill so I did. As I'm running someone comes up behind me and slaps my butt!!! I was SHOCKED. I look over and it's my trainer and she's laughing saying "haha, did I scare you? Did you think it was some gross guy?"
She's trying to scare you while you are on a machine? So you fall and get injured?

And she knows it's not right to slap butts... she asked if you thought it was some gross guy taking liberties didn't she? So why is it ok for her to take the same liberties? Ok, so she wasn't some gross guy. But she's being a gross gal/trainer!

I don't know that I'd want to keep her training me behaving like that. Much less date her. I'd be seriously offended.

Quote:
If she was guy I would be offended, does it make a difference if she's a girl or not, if she knows I'm gay or not? Or.....gosh I don't know, was it inappropriate? I'm feeling kind of awkward now, cause now I don't know if she was joking, or what????
Look, you feel uncomfortable. Therefore it was not appropriate. Gender and orientation makes no difference. Period.

It doesn't matter if her intent was jokey. If I come over to you and slap your bottom... does my saying "But I was just joking!" make it ok to do? It's still wrong. You body is not there for my amusement or entertainment.

Uninvited, unwanted touching is def not what you expect from a professional.

And the whole "team thing?" I think that's weird. She's not your teammate anyway -- she's someone you pay to train you.

A kind word, a thumbs up -- sure. Slapping butt? I think that's getting fresh and crossing a line.

A.
__________________
Started Oct 2014:

Last edited by astrophe : 02-17-2012 at 04:04 PM.
astrophe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2012, 02:52 PM   #12
It's mine for the taking
 
Angie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 2,303

S/C/G: 238 / see ticker / 188

Height: 5'6"

Default

I think it's not about being gay or straight, but about the relationship you have with that person; let's face if, strictly speaking it's not okay to slap someone on the butt, you could actually be charged with sexual harrassment (regardless of your orientation) for that. Still, I smack my friends on the butt if they are on the stairs in front of me and their butts are right there for the smacking, but only because I know it's okay and we have a relationship that allows us to go a bit beyond the formal rules about touching and personal space.

If you were offended, it's not okay, if you were not offended, it's okay. It's all in the feelings of the one being smacked, IMHO.
__________________
Angie


Angie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2012, 02:52 PM   #13
Dependapotomaus, no more!
 
Lambiechop's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Spokane, WA
Posts: 532

S/C/G: 259/168/145

Height: 5'4

Default

Friends? No biggie. I could care less if one of them smacks my ***. Trainer? I'd feel weird.
__________________
Lambiechop is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2012, 03:00 PM   #14
Katrina
 
Candeka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 926

S/C/G: 162/see ticker/130

Height: 5'6

Default

I wouldn't care. If the personal trainer is really friendly and awesome, then she might just be comfortable with you (like your friends would). If you weren't offended by it then its no problem. Slapping bums is like the standard team/gym locker room stereotyping lol. Yes, it is not alright if someone is offended by it, but it just seems like your trainer is just relaxed around you. I wouldn't worry about it. I'd just tell my partner to view it as one of the teammates doing it, since essentially you and your trainer are working as a team to get to your goals!

I don't work well with overly "professional" people. I am extremely friendly and like to be comfortable, so if my personal trainer and I have a great flow together and she doesn't feel the need to act like she's dealing with her manager, then even better. I'd love training with her far more that way!
__________________


Mini-Goals:
139:February 27th, 2013
135:
130:

Last edited by Candeka : 02-17-2012 at 03:03 PM.
Candeka is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2012, 03:06 PM   #15
Sarah
 
baker23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Virginia
Posts: 802

S/C/G: 350/184/180

Height: 6'

Default

Honestly, if it didn't really make you feel uncomfortable I don't think it was a big deal. But it depends on your trainer/client relationship...maybe she just thinks you guys are alot closer then you are. My female friends and I do s**t like that all the time without a second thought. I don't think sexual orientation had anything to do with it. But if you are uncomfortable now that your really thinking about it, maybe just bring it up casually...and see how she responds and everything(awkward ik) :P
__________________





Goal story/video/pictures: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/goal...g-goallll.html

Currently training for my first marathon on March 17th, 2013
baker23 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice
and no guarantee is made against accuracy.


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
To go sleeveless, or not to go sleeveless. That is the question! LindseyLouWho Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss 45 05-28-2011 01:11 PM
Why is this ok?! (Christianity vs free speech rant) Pint Sized Terror Faith Based Support Groups 45 12-06-2010 12:00 AM
Is this because I'm fat? (warning....a little crude) katkitten General chatter 41 12-08-2009 08:22 PM
Is this tacky or is it just me? AmberD General chatter 30 07-19-2007 01:18 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:41 PM.






Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2