Packing lunches to parties?

[duckyyellowfeet]

I'm starting week five of being OP this week and I've been really happy with the results. Last night, I had a date night with my SO so I hit my daily points target as well as using some of those extra weeklies.

Today, we had to go to her great-grand father's 90th birthday party. It was a lunch hosted by her grandmother, who doesn't really understand healthy cooking. When my girlfriend talked to her grandmother about the menu a week ago, it became really clear that nothing there would be OP for either of us.

So, we did what everyone always says is the "right" thing to do: I packed lunches for us both, brought them to the luncheon and had our lunches while everyone else was eating their lunch.

It was very casual: a table of food in the back with everyone getting food when they wanted and just grabbing a seat when they were hungry. Not a formal, sit-down meal or anything really structured.

But we were questioned multiple times about why we had to bring our own food, why we weren't happy with her (granted delicious) grandmother's cooking and if we thought it was appropriate to bring food to a luncheon. Here I was thinking we had done the better thing--brought OP food to be able to enjoy the company.

Things are already really tense with her family, I try not to rock the boat any more...but this is the same family that is constantly telling my SO she needs to lose weight. IDK, I guess I'm just looking for opinions.

Brown-bagging lunches to casual luncheons: ok or rude?

[Angie]

I think it's a fine line, and it depends on your relationship with the person(s) hosting. I feel comfortable bringing some extras to most gatherings hosted by my family, but I can usually find something that is okay to eat in the array of what they have available too (something veggy-ish, or meat).

If I don't have a good solid relationship my strategy is to bring something...as in 'oh, I wanted to contribute to the meal' even when I clearly know it's not potluck...then I can bring a veggie tray or a salad that meets my dietary needs and not hurt anyone's feelings. Even then, I'd still make an effort to eat something else that the host provided as well.

I think in the case of grandmothers or anyone much older than yourself it's much more likely that they will be offended if they perceive that what they've provided is not good enough. I also think they tend to be less understanding (at least in my experience, and in my family) about why you can't just relax your eating rules for the occasion. Do you feel like that might be the case with your SO's grandma?

[Underwater]

Personally, I would bring a huge salad to share with everyone. Then you can help yourself and be seen as thoughtful at the same time. Even if the hostess says she doesn't need a salad, if she isn't making one of her own, (and it sounds like she didn't in your case) bring one. Other people will like the option of having salad too

[carter]

Angie is probably right, that it depends very strongly on the nature of the party and the relationships involved. I have to admit, though, that I would not do this. I would go to the party and eat sparingly and carefully of what was served. This is particularly easy to do at an informal buffet type event. You are free to chat and visit with people and do not have to eat much at all.

If I were worried that eating sparingly at the party would leave me without enough lunch, I would either eat something at home ahead of time, or plan to eat something afterwards. In my experience, people don't care that much about what is on my plate, but if anyone remarked on how I was choosing or how much I was eating, such questions are easily dismissed without explaining my whole life story and weight loss process - "oh - it's wonderful, but my stomach was feeling off this morning and I want to take it easy today" or whatever.

Just my own view, and I am not saying my view fits all relationships and all circumstances, but I really can not imagine being invited to a luncheon and bringing my own food just for me.

[flourless]

Originally Posted by duckyyellowfeet

Brown-bagging lunches to casual luncheons: ok or rude?

I'd call it "fine", but inclined to get questions. And if you're comfortable answering the questions with "We have some special diet needs, and didn't want to make more work for the host" and just leave it at that, I don't see why not.

In situations where I don't want to deal with explaining myself to anyone who thinks it's their business, I'd eat beforehand or afterward and take a bottle of mineral water to sip during the event. I also excel at holding a plate of food and playing with it, but putting my fork down all the time to say something, or gesture, or take a drink. No one seems to notice that food doesn't go from the plate to my mouth.

[Pacifica Bee]

I think it is totally fine. You are working hard and doing what is right for you. I have had to do this in the past, but I either brought a whole VERY hearty salad to share or I brought just some snacky type things that I kept in my bag that I could munch on. If anyone had the audacity to tell you it was "rude" to bring your own lunch, you are given license to tell them it is "rude" for them to dictate to you how you eat and what you put in your mouth is your choice. If you are concerned about it in the future, clear it with the hostess ahead of time, citing dietary restrictions

[Eliana]

Here's what I would do:

1. I would bring something healthy to contribute that, obviously, you will eat from.

2. Take a little of the array of goodies...but not actually eat it. Just have it on the plate. Difficult, I know.

3. Have some back up in your purse to pull out inconspicuously.

Food's a touchy thing. I can see where most people would find it offensive if you brought your own special food. It shouldn't be that way though. People have special diets for a multitude of reasons. You'd never be offended if someone with food allergies brought their own food. It's the same thing, but people don't see it that way.

[astrophe]

I'd call it "fine", but inclined to get questions. And if you're comfortable answering the questions with "We have some special diet needs, and didn't want to make more work for the host" and just leave it at that, I don't see why not.

That. Or make something OP to share.

I also tell a small white lie. I don't get into my whole PCOS/IR/Metabolic Syndrome spiel because that's all usually foreign to most people. Instead I say I'm diabetic or prediabetic because everyone has heard of diabetes.

Then they go "Ohhhhh" and they seem to be able to let it go more peacefully.

A.

[Anya]

When I was vegan I had a philosophy that the point of eating well wasn't to become an unwelcome dinner guest. I ate whatever was served. Being "vegetarian" people are generally okay with me not eating the meat. I made a (small) meal of the rest, even if it probably wasn't vegan.

Since I do large servings of elaborate salads at home, I always found other people's salads (and restaurant salad) a bit lacking, but unless it was understood that I was bringing the salad, I generally didn't bring one. It can be awkward for the host to prepare a mediocre salad and a guest bring a really nice one.

[liliesinmycereal]

For me it depends on the party but most of the time I eat before I go and enjoy bits of food at the party to not make a scene. Sometimes just having healthy snacks in the purse does the trick over bringing a full fledged meals.

[bargoo]

I would be offended if I were the hostess. But on the other hand if someone would bring some special dish to share , that would be different but it should be cleared with the hostess first.

[Sandi]

I do this ALL the time. Open Houses, 4th of July Parties, Birthday Parties. I literally brown bag it. Hey, this is hard enough. I have to weigh and measure everything. Maybe I should be able to "pick" from what they provide for me, but I am not any good at that yet and leaving that door open is a very slippery slope. Do I questioned, yep I do. I simply say that I am really trying to stay on plan. I have never gotten any grief over it and hate to think that anyone is giving you a hard time. It cracks me up, people want you to lose weight, but don't rock the boat when it comes to food and socializing! Can't do both people!

I think the big salad is a nice solution too, but I don't see how bringing an unsolicited salad is less offensive than bringing my own food.

[linJber]

I think this is one of those times when just showing up and being part of things would be the best decision. You said that it was not a formal lunch. If you ate nothing, no one would probably even be aware of it. You might be hungry, but the solution to that is to eat before attending. Or right after.

I'm all for being on plan. I'm aware of how easy it is to slip up when there are no choices. I also know that skipping one meal isn't usually a problem on any plan, so that would have been my choice. That said, I would never be critical of someone who brought their own meal. Hope there is no lasting tension.

Lin

[duckyyellowfeet]

thanks for the insight, ladies. Its funny how everyone's opinions is so varied.

I wanted to bring something, cause i really thought that would be the best option....but was told not to bother.

Realistically, I think what bothers me more is I cannot win with this set of people. When the SO mentioned we were on WW (and she didn't eat ANYTHING being served) her gma mentioned just bringing a lunch. So, I offer to bring stuff--I'm told no. I pack a lunch--its awkward. I know (from previous experiences) that saying "no thanks!" would be the same problem I had with packing a lunch.

I suppose, as I cannot win no matter what I do, at least I feel good about staying OP.

[Eliana]

Originally Posted by duckyyellowfeet

I suppose, as I cannot win no matter what I do, at least I feel good about staying OP.

Well there you go! Sheesh. I'm sorry. You have a great attitude about it though.