Watch what you say to the young

Eliana · 01-17-2012, 02:33 PM

This Christmas I was appalled by what my mother said to my niece (her granddaughter).

My mother is 4'10" and never weighed more than 99 pounds. Maybe she never weighed more than 90 pounds. I was 6 inches taller than she by the fourth grade and when I hit 100 pounds she pitched a fit. She started dressing me in all "slimming black". I have a painful picture of my cousins all in their pastel Easter dresses and there's me: black dress, black flower in the hair, black hose, black shoes.

My niece is one of those size 000 at age 14. My mom asked her how much she weighed and she responded 100 pounds. She's 5'4"! Now, my niece has always been teeny and tiny and is still growing and maybe just beginning puberty, so this isn't a terrible concern. But my mom was appalled. She wasn't appalled because she was too tiny, but because she must be too big. I stepped in immediately and made sure my niece understood she was actually under weight and we talked about BMI. She has a good head on her shoulders and just kind of shrugged Grandma off.

Now I realize! I wasn't fat in the 4th grade! I was just tall. And I pray my mother's words do not do to my niece what they did to me.

Appearance is not a number!

astrophe · 01-17-2012, 03:38 PM

My mom did that to me when I got taller than her. It was like she couldn't get her mind wrapped around it and she took me to the doc and everything!

He told her to leave me alone, I was healthy, in appropriate range and to chill out. Thank goodness!

A.

Aunrio · 01-17-2012, 03:41 PM

I am in complete agreement based on the situation you described. I had an opposing situation growing up. My sister and I both put on lots of weight in like 5th grade. This weight climbed for years with no one telling us anything about being healthier, moving more, or making better decisions about what we ate. I asked my mother about it a few weeks ago and she said that my father and her were too scared to point out things like a girls' weight for fear of initiating an eating disorder. My older boy cousin had anorexia and needed treatment probably around the same time my sister and I were putting on weight. I think back and wish slightly more effort would have been made as a family to make healthier decisions.

Bigkitty · 01-17-2012, 03:50 PM

Agreed. When I was about 14 my mum said I looked pregnant... didn't make me diet or anything at the time but it's stuck with me since.

katesedge · 01-18-2012, 09:08 AM

My mother in law, infront of company, tells her youngest daughter who is 14 that she should stop eating because she is obese... the poor girl is only 14, yea she is a little over weight but she is far from obese. maybe instead of buying her daugter nintendos and computers for xmas etc she should buy her roller skates, or a bike maybe. my MIL herself quit eating for a while and lost too much wieght and made herself ill but she thought she looked amazing

all because her oldest daughter started living on only vegetable soup and cucumber- becoming a size 8 in clothes and she doese not look healthy. I think it is ridiculouse. you can get your kids eating healthier and doing more with out turning to them and saying : look, you're fat... i swear i have no idea what some people think somethime,

Hi, im kate btw, sorry to just jump on your thread like that lol

PrettyMom09 · 01-18-2012, 02:26 PM

My 7 year old daughter came home upset the other day because a boy in her class told her she was fat. She said she felt really bad, so she told the teacher about it. My daughter said that as she was telling the teacher "he called me fat". The little boy said "well, you are". The teacher only told the boy that everybody is different. My daughter was very upset that the teacher never acknowledged the fact that my daughter is not fat. She is at a perfectly normal weight for her height. She is a little taller than all the other kids in her class, and she has muscular legs, but she is not overweight by any means. Now she keeps telling me that she needs to lose weight.

Pacifica Bee · 01-18-2012, 03:13 PM

My parents put me (and themselves) on Herbalife when I was 9 years old. I lost something like 22 pounds and they made me wear a button that said "I lost 22 pounds! Ask me how!" all the time. I was chubby, but seriously, I was freaking 9 years old!

I have to think that that experience really messed with me and why I never dieted after that (until 2 years ago, obviously, but I don't feel like I am "dieting"; this has been a lifestyle change), and ultimately it must have played into my psyche to let me get super-morbidly obese. I don't blame my parents for my fatnesss; I do blame them for not making intelligent decisions.

geoblewis · 01-18-2012, 03:58 PM

My mother is 5'1" and has very narrow hips and no butt. By 8th grade, I was 5'11". I remember her poking pins in my backside when she was trying to fit a shift dress on my in kindergarden. Even then, I had hips. When I was in 5th grade, she bought me a girdle. When I look at my old pictures, I see that I was never fat when I lived at home. I just believed I was the whole time.

Eliana · 01-19-2012, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by geoblewis

My mother is 5'1" and has very narrow hips and no butt. By 8th grade, I was 5'11". I remember her poking pins in my backside when she was trying to fit a shift dress on my in kindergarden. Even then, I had hips. When I was in 5th grade, she bought me a girdle. When I look at my old pictures, I see that I was never fat when I lived at home. I just believed I was the whole time.

Precisely. This is exactly how I grew up. I was never fat either, but boy did I feel like I was, and my mom thought I was. I think it's really hard on girls who are significantly bigger than their mothers. Tiny moms really need to play up the "tall swan" card to their daughters.