I've spent the last week basically peeling off the layers of denial that had separated me from realizing the truth about my recent regain.
Step one: I took a very quick peek at 3FC.
Step two: I weighed myself and went back on plan.
Step three: I readjusted my ticker and admitted to myself that I was no longer the amazing Uber who had lost 110 pounds.
But I think step four happened this afternoon: out shopping with my daughter I took a cold hard look at my body in the 3-way mirror and I realized that I've been walking around with an image of myself that looks absolutely nothing like I look. I kept thinking no way I could look morbidly obese again. I'm so slim. I'm so fit.
Well, I really had to admit that there is simply no other way to slice it. I'm back over 250, and yes, I look like it.
Denial was helping me cope. Now that I'm looking at the truth, it's painful
The only thing that helps is knowing that if I stay OP, a month from now it will be better and six months from now, it should be much better.
WELCOME BACK.....The good thing is that you know what it takes and you know that it is possible. Congrats to you for the new commitment.
I told someone I must have been delusional. I actually thought I looked half the size I really was. The first time I actually stood in a 3 way mirror, I almost cried....Maybe I did....I couldn't believe what I saw (and still can't).
I hear ya. I lost over 120 pounds and have gained back over half of it. Denial is amazing -- I knew I was gaining, knew the old clothes didn't fit (REALLY didn't fit) and yet, I kept telling myself I was okay.
So, I hear ya. And like you, I am very excited about one month, six months from now... I can't wait to get back in those clothes!!!!
Well, like you mentioned in another post, you're fitter this time around! And you're going into this with tons of knowledge from your previous experience, whereas before you had to learn EVERYTHING from the beginning.
Today, you can confidently say that you have a strong understanding of your body, and therefore you are going into this wiser, more efficient, and better than ever. I understand that it hurts to have to go through this again, but as you've proven in the past, you are able to do it. And you will!!
Maybe through this part of your journey you'll be able to figure yourself out a little better, which will help you keep the weight off for good. You're still learning, and sometimes it's trial and error, but when it comes time to it, you'll get the art of maintenence down, just like you got the art of weightloss down. And 3FC will be here to support you, 24/7.
If it helps to know that you are not the only one in the lifeboat, I am in the same situation. I gained 40 pounds back. We know what to do, now we just have to do it!
Another regainer here. I was convinced I still looked "fine"....until I had to pull out my fat jeans. You know, the ones you save for when you're done losing weight to take the "big pants" picture? Those are my everyday jeans now.
I just keep reminding myself that at least its not all the weight and then some!
I've only been maintaining foe a few months, so I haven't gained back anything yet. I hope to stay in here and stay focused and never gain more than a few pounds - like anyone can - before kicking it in gear again.
I can relate 100% because what you say now is how I dealt with things for 25 years. "I can do all the things I want." "I can shovel snow / plant the garden." "I can use my kayak." "I fit in roller coaster - airplane - movie seats." Now I put on the size 24 pants I used to wear and absolutely cannot believe I had myself convinced that was OK!
I hit exactly 1 year yesterday. It went faster than I ever imagined. It was easier than I imagined. I am happier with the results than I ever imagined. You are SO correct when you say you'll be better in a month, 6 months, etc. You can do this!
Now you have to stop beating yourself up and just get on with it. You deserve to be happy with yourself. Be happy you kicked yourself in the butt and got back on track. You've come to some fantastic realizations. Learn from them and grow.
Happy to see some old friends here-- not happy that we are regainers, but it is what it is.
Denial is a very very odd thing. For many years, it worked the other way for me. I was definitely big, but in my mind I looked like I weighed 1000 lbs.
I was completely humiliated about my appearance and assumed that I was just an ugly, gross disgusting slob. Not true. I was a middle-aged lady with a weight problem-- fairly healthy, but very out of shape. But not a disgusting gross 1000 lb slob.
Now this time around, I managed to pack on almost sixty pounds while thinking I still looked the way I looked a few months ago.
One totally weird thing? When I was slim, I thought a lot of the ladies in my office were horribly overweight. I saw them as HUGE. Then, all of a sudden, I noticed that they didn't seem so big anymore. But it was ME who had changed. When I was losing, I noticed the same thing. The people around me seemed to swell while I stayed the same size. I couldn't perceive that they were staying the same size and I was shrinking. Weird.
uber, I'm so glad you're back! You're brave and awesome and amazing for taking a look at where you are and making a commitment to getting back to where you were. I'm proud of you.
And if it's at all comforting, I haven't lost 110 pounds, and I'm delusional. But I think that's just part of my DNA.
I've lost and regained probably five or six times in the past 8 years or so, except that in my case, each regain has come with several extra pounds, causing me to get bigger and bigger over time. I was in serious denial for a while, too. I remember thinking that I really wasn't that fat until I tried to ride a roller coaster and barely fit in the "fat seat." I was so mortified!
Congrats on getting back on track. I'm in the same place, although I have a lot further to go!
Last edited by shadowclaw; 01-15-2012 at 01:21 AM.
Uber--I remember you! We can pull together and get this weight loss DONE once and for all!
So glad to have a forum like this for support. =)
Uber--you can do it...the hardest step is getting back on track...this I know! =)
Wow. This is NOT pleasant.
We're here for you! Welcome back.
