3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Support Forum > Support Groups > 100 lb. Club

seeing my mom sends me over the edge!

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
Old 02-02-2003, 06:46 PM   #1
Senior Member
 
suzie76's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,306

Default seeing my mom sends me over the edge!

Hi,

ARRGGGHHHH! After having my mom bugging me about weight, I just saw her today. I've lost seventeen pounds since the last time I saw her. Does she notice or say anything? Nope! Nothing-either the weight loss is not noticeable (which I'm beginning to think is the case because NOBODY is noticing, which frustrates me to no end)

So what do I do after she leaves? I eat, of course It wasn't too bad-some low fat granola and skim milk. I did actually measure out the portion (how pathetic does 2/3 a cup of cereal look like). But then I went to the store and bought low fat yogurt-Ben and Jerry's half baked, which is a combination of two of their lowfat yogurts-chocolate chip cookie dough and brownie) I haven't eaten any yet, but I just know that after my son goes to bed and my husband leaves for work, I'm going to. I guess it's better than buying chocolate chip cookie dough to make cookies, which would be more fattening.

Why does seeing her doing this to me? Why do I still look for approval from her? Why do I care if no one is noticing my weight loss?

Depressed-
Sherry
suzie76 is offline  
Old 02-02-2003, 07:43 PM   #2
Searching
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Sometimes left and sometimes right
Posts: 2,488

Default

Sherry,

It how you feel! I understand the whole parental approval thing. I could go on and on about how I have never been good enough, smart enough, wonderful enough. But I have gotten to the point where this time, this diet, I am doing it for me. I feel good, I am losing so slow hardly anyone notices. But I am toned. Went from a size 24 to a 20 and some 18/16 are fitting too. This is for you Sherry you got to believe it!

(((((((((Sherry)))))))))))

Miss Chris
__________________
bljeghbe' chugh vaj blHegh- Klingon for Surrender or Die

Weight Jan 2006- 257 lbs
Current weight-202.8 (5'7 1/2)
Goal weight-155 lbs.
rochemist is offline  
Old 02-02-2003, 07:53 PM   #3
1/2 Marathon May 15 2011
 
Charbar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Green Bay, WI
Posts: 2,420

S/C/G: see ticker

Height: 5'0"

Default

All Mother's seem to have this curse on us. I think you handled it pretty well.

Unfortuntely, when you have a lot of weight to lose you have to lose even more for people to notice. It does suck. People will notice soon - hang on

When I was back home 2 weeks ago I was shopping with my Mother. I was buying some Canadian maple cookies to bring back for a friend. My mother said "you better buy 2 boxes because I know you will eat that one on the way home" What a bit#h! Wasn't that rude? I only got the one box - didn't eat them. In fact when I gave them to my friend she was kind to offer me one when she opened them and I said "no thanks"

I am not sure how close you are to your Mom, Sherry, (I am not too close- but I am very close with my Dad) - but as I get older and have my own family I have decided to surround myself with people that are good for me mentally. Not that I'm not going to have a relationship with my Mother - but I do limit it. I have to put my mental health first

Save the low fat yogurt - eat it when you can really enjoy it - not because you are upset at your mom.

I hope you feel better soon!

Dana
__________________

My facebook profile

next weight goal:
Charbar is offline  
Old 02-02-2003, 09:21 PM   #4
Senior Member
 
Jenniffer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 1999
Location: New York
Posts: 1,276

Default



Oh, the relationships that sabotage us! I can relate to what's going on with Moms though. It's tough. But you have to remember, your not gonna feel better after you indulge. Just worse.

On the other hand..the weightloss (congrats!!!) The first 20 lbs aren't that noticable to others when we have alot to lose. But now understand this....the next 0 or so lbs...EVERYONE will notice. Believe me. In just one day those compliments are going to be a bit overwhelming. Be patient my friend. It will start. And as far as Mom goes....we can't change her or even make her understand. Just gotta show her. But more importantly you have to show yourself. And you will.

*HUGS*

__________________
Jennifer
269/251/170
1st Mini Goal: 239


Got lost along my way, started over 09/19/09





Follow your dreams and dance to the beat of your own heart. Fly to the stars and claim one for your own.
Jenniffer is offline  
Old 02-02-2003, 09:22 PM   #5
Old Cackler
 
jiffypop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: northern New Jersey
Posts: 7,649

Default

oh sherry.... i sooo understand. dana is right on: surround yourself with supportive people. my mom and i talk about almost nothing. i can't have her involved in my life in any meaningful way. she tries, but she is so, oh never mind.

but whatever happens, don't let her drive you to eat!!! that only hurts YOU and fuels her whatever. enjoy your low fat yogurt when you're not eating it out of emotional need.

make yourself some herb tea and sip it quietly, while doing something you enjoy [nice music? a hobby?] or even reciting affirmations.

[[[[[[[many hugs]]]]]]]
__________________
Start your day with a smile, and get it over with.
Keeping it off is a hundred decisions a day that help you maintain what you achieved. And that's the hard part. - L Sanders

start: 506 [Sept 2001]
weight at gastric bypass [Jan 29, 2002]: 409
current weight: 225
weight for plastic surgery: 200
final goal: 180

Posts by members, moderators and admins are not medical advice. See your physician before taking advice found on the internet.
jiffypop is offline  
Old 02-03-2003, 08:23 AM   #6
Senior Member
 
MzPen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 241

Default

I'm with Dana on limiting time with destructive mothers - I'm lucky that my mom is not so terrible. If she lived close to me she might drive me nuts, I don't know! I've lived at least 4 hours away from her for about 20 years now! I have a couple of friends, though, who rag on their moms constantly, but then they spend all kinds of time with them and allow them to run things and lord influence over them. I just don't understand why they don't just stay away from their moms more of the time -- maybe there's a self-confidence issue there, an inability to sever the cord ...

As for people noticeing, they will ... it will surprise you. I saw a friend from out of town during the holidays and she didn't notice at all ... then I saw her again this weekend, and I haven't been doing so great this month -- and she said Wow, you're really losing weight! Go figure ...

Pen
MzPen is offline  
Old 02-03-2003, 09:05 AM   #7
Junior Member
 
fractured_miss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 29

Default

i am so sorry you are not getting support from your role model for unhealthy eating. yes, you read me right. they did this survey a few years ago that if you need to lose weight, the person you can look at and thank is your mother!!! fat cells that often get bigger and bigger as we get older and our metabolism slows down are often created in childhood!!! so next time dear ole mom does not notice your weight loss or mentions your weight, remind her that some of this may very well be her fault and that she can be part of the solution aka supportive or part of the problem aka lowering your self esteem where you do not want to lose the weight.

by all means, be respectful and polite but do stand up for yourself. you are a beautiful woman with a weight problem - that does not give anyone and i do mean ANYONE license to say word one about your weight other than to be supportive!!!!

good luck!
__________________
Missy
230 currently
200 first goal
120 ultimately

We began each journey with but a single step.
fractured_miss is offline  
Old 02-03-2003, 12:04 PM   #8
having Senior Moments
 
soiley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: desert southwest
Posts: 339

S/C/G: 265/ticker/145

Height: 5'4"

Default

Aaaah, well, mothers! My mother is 82 with pulmonary fibrosis, on oxygen 24X7, and going downhill, absolutely not able to live on her own, so has lived with me a some years. How would you like to have to cook for and eat every meal with your mother? Mine's favorite comment to me is "there's still some (fill in the blank) left on the stove, you can eat it", which I always hear as "Jerie will eat it, she'll eat anything". She was always overweight until she got sick, but now she's too thin. She and I always tried to lose weight together, and used to go to WW and celebrate weight losses by stopping at the DQ on the way home from meetings. How insane was that? I don't blame her for my weight, I know I am responsible for that. But I do blame her for letting me know each and every day that she thinks I can't do anything right. But you gotta just keep on keepin' on, and do what you can for yourself.
__________________
Jerie

If you are facing in the right direction, all you have to do is keep walking.
ancient Buddhist saying



2007 at highest wt, 265#
started SBD 3/11/2010 at 210.5#
soiley is offline  
Old 02-03-2003, 02:26 PM   #9
Future marathon runner
 
Raelynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 817

S/C/G: 310/190/175

Height: 5'8"

Default

I have always felt like my mom wants me to fail at my weightloss. Which is so funny, because she traumatised me when I ws younger by telling me that I would be so fat by the time I was 25 that I would be in a wheelchair and that I'd be dead by the time I was 30.

Now that I've lost all this weight, I still feel like she wants me to fail, only because now she is overweight also (she is 5'10, bigboned and about 195 lbs) and she can't seem to lose the weight. I think that she is jealous that I am seeing awesome results and she can't seem to lose a pound. All this though makes me want to work that much harder to win this battle.
Raelynn is offline  
Old 02-03-2003, 07:01 PM   #10
Beauty, Brawn and Brains!
 
Goddess Jessica's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: California
Posts: 3,013

S/C/G: 298(O)/268.2(RS)/247.9.0/175.0

Height: 5'9''

Default

Sherry, you and I can cry in our B&J together. I've lost almost 20 lbs and not a SOUL notices.... unless I'm eating and then someone in the office will pat me on the back like a puppy and make some comment about how "good" I'm being. Woof! Pant pant pant! Ack! I hate it!!!!! A friend of mine lost 10 pounds on Atkins and was telling me all about it (she's pretty thin) until I realized she was trying to tell me *I* should be on it. So, I said, "well, I've lost 19 pounds already..." and she just sat there stunned. Drives me crazy.

My mother is the exact opposite... which is not helpful either! I gained 40 pounds to my maximum weight of 298. My mother, every time I saw her, would say, "You've lost weight, haven't you?" She's skinney as a rail and just wants to be supportive but c'mon! It was OBVIOUS I was not losing weight, so just pick something else to flatter me about. But she says it everytime I see her, "You've lost weight!" Nooooo.... Agh!

Now, I change the subject, "No, I haven't but I've changed my hair color (again). Did you do something different with your hair? It looks great."
Goddess Jessica is offline  
Old 02-03-2003, 08:10 PM   #11
Senior Member
 
anagram's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,779

Default

I've lost close to 35 pounds and no one's mentioned it at all. DH knows I'm losing (since I finally told him at about 20 lbs down. My kids also know because I told them at about 30. I also told 2 sisters at 30.

But no one has spontaneously said anything to me about looking better or anything. I've decided that maybe they didn't notice I had gained either (hehe).

Whatever, I know I've lost, I know I feel better so whether anyone says anything or not doesn't really mean that much to me.
anagram is offline  
Old 02-03-2003, 08:30 PM   #12
WW on-line since 1/1/2009
 
Jennelle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Mississippi, USA
Posts: 2,332

S/C/G: see ticker

Height: 5'5"

Default

Ladies...you need to remember that some people (guys especially) are AFRAID to say anything along the lines of "You've lost weight, haven't you?" Their thinking is, "Well, if I tell her she's lost weight, she's going to think that I thought she was fat in the first place, and I don't want her thinking THAT, even if she WAS fat."

Eventually, they'll have to say something. After you get closer to goal, those wonderful, crazy guys are going to REALLY put their feet in their mouths by saying something like, "Man, you really used to be a heifer!" Just laugh at them.
__________________
Jennelle
270.8/215.0/199.8


mini-goals:
get out of the 230s by July 23rd: Met 7/23/2009
52 lbs. in 52 weeks (12/31/2009): Met 10/29/2009
Onederland:
180 (driver's license weight):
170.8 (100 lbs. lost):
160 (10 lbs to go!):
150 (final goal):
Jennelle is offline  
Old 02-04-2003, 06:12 AM   #13
Senior Member
 
suzie76's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,306

Default

Hi,

You are all so sweet! I feel like I get a hug whenever you reply to my posts

My relationship with my mom and food has always been difficult. She dragged me to weight watchers (or was it Lean Line back then-anyone remember that) when I was fourteen. I weighed (GASP!) 128 pounds and am five foot eight! They said my weight should be 121. I went there to lose seven lousy pounds. Can you imagine if they had women who are five foot eight with a goal weight of 121 nowadays! I think that just set me up -I've had weight problems since then . Up til I was thirteen or so, I was skinny as a rail and didn't care about food or eating. My sister said they thought I was in the wrong family-I was the only one who didn't eat.

My mom bugged me about losing weight for my wedding ten years ago, but has pretty much shut up since then. But even though she doesn't SAY much, I can feel the disapproval. Her little comments, like a few months ago (before I started losing) about how she's going to give me some sweaters that are way too big on her, since she has lost weight...

Sigh...

Thanks for listening guys. I'm not going to let her bug me anymore.

Sherry
__________________
"I can't change the world, but I can change the world in me. I rejoice!"-Rejoice by U2
suzie76 is offline  
Old 02-04-2003, 08:32 AM   #14
1/2 Marathon May 15 2011
 
Charbar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Green Bay, WI
Posts: 2,420

S/C/G: see ticker

Height: 5'0"

Default

My Mom sent me to ww too... I was the same age - I'm 5'0" and 117 lbs. 117 lbs!!!! I was a hottie - was my mother insane? She made me eat broiled fish - with nothing on it. I still don't eat fish till this day! yuck!

I remember all kinds of comments from her at that age. Wearing a size 7/8 pants and being told they would look so much better if i lost 5 lbs. My Aunt offering me ice-cream at a family dinner and my Mom saying it would only add another roll on me! Was this cruel? No one else in my family did this. My Mom has been over weight my whole life she could lose atleast 50-65 lbs herself. My sister is very overweight. I guessing she is close to 400lbs. There must be a reason why we are this way.

Maybe I should go to a shrink like Sandi....
hmmmm


Thanks for the topic Sherry... btw, my Mom does the same thing giving away clothes to me. Not only is "successful" (which she is not) at weight lose - she now thinks I can't aford to by myself clothes.

Good grief..
__________________

My facebook profile

next weight goal:
Charbar is offline  
Old 02-04-2003, 01:11 PM   #15
JML
Success Story!!!
 
JML's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 377

Default

So, is there a connection here between being overweight and not having a great relationship with our mothers? I really identify with these posts as well. My mom and I are not close at all. I feel like the only way I can retain a sense of peace in my life (and lose weight) is to limit my contact with family, and try to surround myself with people who ARE positive and encouraging. Sad, but that's the way it is, and I can either get frustrated trying to get the love and encouragement from my mom that she either doesn't have to give or doesn't know how to give, or try to find positive relationships elsewhere. This is where I'm at now with family.
__________________
Jeanne
Highest Weight Ever 250/Regain after attaining goal 168/Current 160/Goal 145 at 5',9"
JML is offline  
Closed Thread
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice
and no guarantee is made against accuracy.


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
A Question From the Edge: Is Fat Contagious? Meg Weight Loss News Archive 0 08-07-2004 11:12 AM
Monkeybabies is alive & well & sends her love!! SuchAPrettyFace 100 lb. Club 5 04-21-2004 08:15 PM
EAS Advant Edge ready to drink shake Paticake South Beach Diet 2 08-16-2003 02:21 AM
Tony Little's Gazelle Edge Trainer Anyone? KnCmamma 100 lb. Club 2 07-24-2003 09:44 AM
I am a sick, twisted woman on the edge! amhlawyer Low Carb Archive 11 05-28-2003 10:05 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:25 AM.






Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2