...and this is hindering me I know it! I am having major issues in my head.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't take what I'm about to say conceited, or ego. This has been a struggle for me my entire life! It's all about my looks and I'm having major issues with it!
I know I'm not at a healthy weight, I know I need to lose more but it doesn't help that I'm photogenic and I think the pics I take are what I really look like or they are giving me a false sense of me....and the fact that being around the weight I am now has been my "norm" for most of my life. I have maintained really well around 200 and I think it's because I "fit in" with society" or now that I can fit into size 14/15's in a regulare store now I'm normal"
but what's normal for me? OMG I think I've posted this before. I have such issues with this and I think that's why my weight stays around the low 200's.
It's so safe here for me, that's what it is. I'm comfortable being here. Even my doctor told me 200 is good for me!! Is she joking????
How do I break from this? How do you get out of your safety net? I'm so scared to do it. It also doesn't help that everyone is telling me I look great the way I am now!!! HELP!!!!!!
Oh here's a before and after pic so you can see what I'm talking about. Please please please don't take this as being conceited or superficial, I'm trying to break out of it!
I don't know I'm so proud that I look so different but I just don't know how to keep going! My best friend said if I feel good here then stay here...but I want to be thinner, and healthier....ahhhhhhhhhhh
Me at 10lbs less my highest 255lbs in 2009
Me today at 205.2lbs
Ok so how do I break this cycle? How do I get our of my comfort zone? Thank you so much!
You know what I would LOVE it if someone would give me honest critique! I NEED IT! Tell me I still look fat! Tell me I'm not small, I need a reality check please! This will help me move on I think! I need a reality check!
I just posted on your mini-goal thread, and I do think you look great! BUT- you are 5'3"- and 200 still seems heavy for 5'3", even if you carry it so well. On the inside, your heart is having to work harder to pump your blood, your joints are feeling the weight, etc. I agree, it would be a sin to lose your curves, but you've also lost this weight pretty quickly- is there anything wrong with keeping up the exercise and just kind of being less strict about calories for a while? If you're happy with your size and don't feel motivated to lose a lot more, I don't think there's anything wrong with slower loss. Are you at a place where you feel like you can focus on fitness rather than appearance?
Also, I've lost and gained weight a few times now, and last time I lost down to about 180 and felt like I looked great and just stopped dieting and exercising. I felt like I looked good, but at the same time, I know I also still felt self conscious about being a big girl- I was just so much smaller than I had been! I wish I had kept going to a lower weight and really gotten to look like I wanted to look. I think still feeling like the biggest person in the room had a lot to do with me gaining weight back.
well, you are not small. BUT, you do look smaller than you did in the first pic.
According to a rough estimate of your BMI (and I dont always agree with these) you are still obese. your BMI is a little over 36. It should be no higher than 24.9 to be "healthy".
You have to get to the weight you want to. No one elses opinions will help you lose the weight.
Keep up the good work.
Last edited by 170starting; 09-30-2011 at 10:09 AM.
I'm taller than you and weigh less than you and I'm uncomfortable in my own body.
You are comfortable in your body, or, as you wrote, you feel safe in that body.
"Safe" from ????
No one can tell you what is comfortable for you; however, if you look up your weight/height/age - the result you'll get is that 200+ pounds is unhealthy for you. I had a fat physician; she always told me to lose weight, then would say...."yea, I know..I'M TELLING YOU to lose weight" as she was obese, and I was overweight. That your physician would tell you 200+ pounds at 5 ft. 3 is good...is a shocker.
You are a confident woman. No doubt. You have to decide what is good for you; no one else can make that decision.
If you feel good and like your look, then you're done.
I have a feeling tho, that by asking here for comments, you don't feel so good. Ultimately tho, its all on you.
Last edited by 124chicksinger; 09-30-2011 at 10:08 AM.
Okay dude, you are "not small". You aren't. But you ARE gorgeous. Being "not small" and gorgeous aren't mutually exclusive.
I think it is awesome that you like the way you look. And what YOU think is what truly matters, not what everyone tells you (though getting compliments is lovely).
So what do you want from this experience? Do you want to want to be small? Truly? If you do, you do. And by all means, keep going.
I'm not one who believes that it is impossible for a 5' 3" woman to be healthy at 200. Not everyone fits into a handy chart on the doctor's office wall. There are many other ways to keep track of your health. If your blood sugar, blood pressure, cholosterol, etc etc are in line, and your doc is happy, well, that says something about your health.
So what DO you want? Do you want to be able to run a marathon? Deadlift your bodyweight? Eliminate white carbs from your diet? Feel good walking up 10 flights of stairs?
What I'm wondering is if the scale is now totally obsolete for you. If you aren't ready to "maintain," but are happy with your weight, perhaps you just need a new, non-scale focus.
You know what it is, I think I've hit a fork in the road. I have had eating disorders in the past and I'm an emotional eater. This is what's going on in my head, it's always so black and white for me and I'm having a hard time seeing the grey:
I feel like either starving myself and puking (going back to what I was doing when I was thin) or gorging myself silly and eating what I want. Its like this weight is a turning point to what I want and I guess I never in my entire life based my happiness on what I wanted.
I'm just typing as I'm feeling it soooo.....
Gorging would mean I'm making the decision for myself to be fat to protect me from being thin....
Starving myself, binging or puking would give me control in what I have been told is attractive, I still have control over what I'm doing but my image is accepted......
Where is the middle? How do I get in the mindset of finding healthy? I have never been there and I want it.
I am struggling with that big time and this weight is my medium, that's why I feel safe here, it's neither or....I don't binge or puke at this weight. I have identified myself at this weight as good enough for me but deep down I know it's not
You do look great, and that is fantastic. And to you your size at your height/weight is not the norm so I'm guessing you are in pretty good shape in terms of muscle tone so that you are sleeker than most people would be at your same statistics.
So my question for you is can you do everything you want to do physically - all the activity that you have to fit into your day including keeping up with your kids, being able to run and play with them without getting tired? If so, then maybe you are ready to maintain instead of losing more. But if not, then I'd say that it's worth it to take off a little more weight. You already LOOK great, but you'll probably look even better. And if you don't FEEL absolutely fantastic yet, then that's the goal to work towards. Not specifically the number on the scale but chances are that losing another 10-20 lbs is going to make a bigger difference in how you look and feel and in your health than you might realize.
as to this roadblock. If it's about the number on the scale don't weigh yourself and just concentrate on the eating and exercise. It's not like the weight won't come off if you don't watch it.
First off, I DON'T think you're crazy. I'm close to my "safe weight". 175lbs is my lowest adult weight and I've always been more or less happy there even though I knew I needed to lose more. However, I DO need to lose more. As I get older my body feels the weight more. My knees are getting worse and this extra weight isn't helping anything! I want to have another baby and since I gained like crazy in my last pregnancy I really do need to get down to a lower weight before we try again. I also have cysts that are worse when I'm overweight.
You might now have any effects on your healthy now, but what about 10 years down the road? 20 years down the road? It's not necessarily that you'll die young but you could have diabetes, you could have high cholesterol or problems with your joints.
Now, if you've seen any of my other posts on BMI, I do think it is flawed but there's a big difference if you're a super buff athlete and securely in the obese category. I'm not telling you that to shame you but it's something I had to realize too. Now, obviously, working out, eating clean help A LOT and you're infinitely better off doing that at 200lbs than not doing that at 200lbs. However, that weight does affect your body, it makes your body work harder and it can affect your quality of life.
Like I said on your other thread, you look gorgeous! But it's definitely NOT all about looks. My dad needed to lose a good deal of weight in his 50's even though he looked just fine. He had high blood pressure and it was either that or meds. Thankfully he doesn't need meds anymore because he lost the weight!
FWIW, I have a very curvy body, you know what? It's MORE curvier now! I've lost a lot in my waist/arms/thighs but goodness knows I still have my butt and breasts. If you're naturally an hourglass than most likely that will stay with you when you go down. If anything it's more noticeable as you lose. When I was at my highest weight I was technically a banana shape. Now I'm an hourglass (well, I'm technically one inch away because I just lost an inch from my hips but still, I'm pretty much there ).
It's not that you necessarily have to be in a healthy BMI but I really do think it's worth it to get closer. Work at least at getting towards an overweight BMI. At this point just focus on getting into Onderland. You don't have to be 'thin" but you can work towards being "thinner".
Since you do have a prior eating disorder, I think it's definitely worth talking to a counselor about your fears. You don't need to starve yourself to get thin, I know I sure am not doing that! I lose slowly specifically so I can work on my emotional issues AND so I can still enjoy food without being too deprived. It's worked very well for me so far.
Maybe you need to keep doing what you are doing, don't focus on the scale, focus on being as healthy as you can be. Don't make weight the focus, make health. What are your triglercyrides, glucose, blood pressure, etc? Maybe if everything is normal that is why the doc said your weight is OK. Maybe she thinks you need to work on maintaining your loss, which in the eyes of the physician, is half the battle.
Or, maybe you need to work on a clothing size goal. For instance, I carry all the remaining weight in my abdominal area. This is keeping me from getting into a size 12 pant. I can squeeze into a 12, but they are not comfortable. So I am trying to get to where I can wear a 12. Maybe I'll be there at 183, maybe 175, who knows? I do understand that when you lose weight, and you've taken off a good clip in a short amount of time, there is a lot of psychological/emotional issues that you have to work through and it takes time for the brain to catch up with the body.
I was having this issue and what I realized is that in my mind I had set 200 as my goal. As long as I saw 200, I was mentally okay. Then I realized, I had to make my goal lower in order to go lower. I had written down that my goal was 138 but when I saw 200 on the scale I was okay with that because, hey, it's not 225 anymore. So I started looking for 195, and now I'm down to 197. When i hit 195 I'm going to start looking for 190. And so on. Until I hit my goal weight or the weight I feel healthy and good at.
Something is triggering you. You wrote that you have a history of disordered eating. Right now you are at a fork (pun?) -- quoting you:
"I feel like either starving myself and puking (going back to what I was doing when I was thin) or gorging myself silly and eating what I want" and
"Gorging would mean I'm making the decision for myself to be fat to protect me from being thin....
Starving myself, binging or puking would give me control in what I have been told is attractive, I still have control over what I'm doing but my image is accepted......"
Honey, actually thinking over your options as: starving, binging or puking...or the opposite, gorging yourself....this isn't about weight at all, really.
Forget how the world will view you. Take that out of the equation.
What do YOU want? Do you want to be thinner? Are you afraid of failure? I don't know what "plan" got you to your current weight. If it was a healthy diet and some exercise, well then right on! Good for you. Why, now, would your mind start playing these tricks on you where you're thinking about all or nothing? Gorging or starving/binging/puking?
If you followed a sensible diet and reached this current weight--why could you not continue to follow it? Was it too hard? Is it easy to just say "eff it" and be done?
There is more going on in your post than a decision to eat and grow larger or starve/binge/puke to get thinner to please...who? Society?
Could you be scared of success? Could your eating disordered past be playing tricks with your current success?
****, I could eat a trunk of Doritos and who's business is it? I could starve, and who's business is it? The size of ME is up to me. My happiness with what I see in the mirror, how I feel my own body, is up to me. No one else decides how I look, what I weigh. That is on me. I don't have that little devil on my shoulder telling me to starve/binge/puke--or telling me to eat like tomorrow isn't coming. NEITHER OF THOSE IS A SENSIBLE CHOICE.
It isn't about the weight for you right now, it is some old behaviors popping up their ugly heads and poking at you. You need to deal with those.
I'd suggest not giving in to either, but there's more to it than making that decision.
If I were you--I'd eat healthfully, and stay off the scale. If you've been following a sensible diet, I'd stick with that. If, tho, you were binging/starving/puking to get to 200 pounds...get help for that. If you feel compelled to binge/starve/puke, get help for that.
I started thinking about what I'd write as I read your original post. Now I'm at the bottom of the thread and everyone has already said it - and more.
You want to be healthy. You aren't there yet. Down the road you will never regret taking off some more weight to get to a healthier BMI. You are worth the effort. You are worth having a healthy life. You are worth all of it and you deserve it.
You are very beautiful and you look fantastic after just 35 pounds. But you will be totally blown away by the difference the next 35 will make! It's all relative, anyway. Friends have recently told me I'm too thin. When I weighed 150 pounds in my 30's no one ever said I was too thin. You look fantastic - no comparison is needed. But that is what we're doing, isn't it? Comparing to what was and deciding it's now good enough. You're worth more than "good enough." You deserve "best you can possibly be." And you know what Yogi Berra said about the fork in the road, don't you? He said, "When you come to a fork in the road, take it." I guess you don't have to choose which fork to take long term - just choose for a single day to continue. Then tomorrow, decide again.
Having issues getting below 200...
). 
