Hey guys (for those who remember me),

I am having a tough time. Today especially, since I was in the bathroom almost nonstop from 2am to 9am holding my little girl's hair while she puked

Anyway, I haven't been coming here much lately. I get a lot of great input and support on my blog but this board is always like a second home to come to. I was here before I was blogging. Long time.

Summary is, I lost 103 pounds and gained back 30. I am back down 4 pounds but it is SO depressing sometimes. I am very tired of the weight loss game. I feel like I have tried so many things but the 'binge monster' always comes out to play/fight me unless I am on some kind of restricted low carb plan. Yet I keep arguing with myself because I want to be able to eat noodles and bread in moderation with my family... even though I know that has never worked for me.

Sigh. Not sure what I am trying to say. I just wanted a more personal little spot to vent and cry while I sit here with my poor little daughter sleeping by me, stuck in the house, hoping she will not puke again when she wakes up.

I have several options for weight loss and probably just need to pick one and stick with it. The down side of having a public, widely-read blog is that no matter what I do I will get a lot of criticism for it.

Sorry things are rough for you right now.

You have accomplished so much - remember that. It sounds like you know what works for you.

Hang in there.

So sorry your girl is sick. : ( Praying she gets better soon and you both get some rest. I always feel worse when I'm tired.

Good golly, girl! 103 pounds!! That's amazing!! Ok, so minus 30. You've lost triple that before and can do it again. Yes, for me too it is a never ending struggle. I lost 80 and gained 70. That's just wrong.

Everyone has a different moment where it just clicks and they are motivated. What was it for you to get you to lose 103 pnds? For me, this time, it's my kids. I HAVE to do it for them, for I don't want them to be like me.

Yes, there are also different options for weight loss. I have actually been through the process to have surgery done and would've had it done about a week ago, had I done my lab work, etc. BUT...there is not one ounce of me that felt like it was right. For me! Every other option I've considered was drastic OR not long lasting. You will be criticized, but do what works for YOU.

Glad you can come here and vent. Now go get some rest!

Don't be sad Lyn, I know you will figure this out. I don't know how you can stand to blog and get all the replies you do. Some of the people are pretty harsh and know it all, even if they mean to be "nice" about it.

I find I get depressed more in here though, when I see somebody who loses 100 lbs in five months or something. No idea how they do it, truly I don't. Everybody works it out for themselves, it's the only way. I'm still struggling along, overexercising and obviously still eating too much. I lost around 26 lbs and can't seem to do more. Well of course I could but I can't seem to force myself to eat even less than I do now. It's hard at this age, so much easier to lose it when you are younger.

Hope your daughter feels better soon.

It's GREAT that you came back before you gained more. Good job!

I'm glad you came back. Don't let this feeling drag you down please. You may have gained back 30, but let it stop there; even if you need to just maintain there for a while.

If low carb works for you, maybe that's where you need to be. It doesn't mean no carbs, does it? You could enjoy a reasonable portion of whole wheat pasta sometimes, or an occassional potato? Maybe one day a week could be careful-carb day? Just some thoughts. Also, my family eats low carb with me at dinner, but they eat other stuff at breakfast and lunch, as suits each person. It doesn't hurt my son to have dinner that is primarily protein and veggies at all, and he will not grow up to think we have to eat carbs with every single meal (as I did, and maybe you too?)

I hope your DD feels better soon and you both get some rest.

I love reading your stuff. You're very fortunate to have such a level of insight into your own life and behavior, even if you feel like sometimes you don't! (pretty universal feeling, right??) and the talent to share that insight through your writing with others.

just keep in mind when you feel attacked by readers that eating and weight can be an extremely complex issue, with all sorts of layers and dynamics. people rarely can respond without some emotion, I know I have tons of strong emotional responses to posts I read here.

I don't know if weight and eating is always something that gets "solved" by getting to a goal weight (for some I'm sure it basically does -- so and so wants to lose x lbs, loses it, and leads the life that keeps it off). for a percentage of us, it's more part of our lives that gets managed, will all the ups and downs, overeating, undereating, healthy eating, junk food eating, exercise, couch potato spurts. Etc.

Hang in there, and I hope your daughter gets well soon!!

Thanks so much you guys. It's true, the blogging is awesome BUT I do get a lot of criticism... some founded, some not at all. I often get dozens of emails and comments a day. The supportive insightful kind ones truly lift me up, but that handful of "suck it up, what is wrong with you, you need therapy, you're not trying hard enough" really bites. And sometimes people make suggestions that tell me they are new to reading my blog (like telling me to take up jogging when I have blogged a lot about my knees needing to be replaced, or telling me to try calorie counting when I did that for 2+ years) and I KNOW people are just trying to help, but when the suggestions all contradict each other, well, it gets hard. I try not to take criticism personally. I wish people didn't always slam me for whatever I decide to do though. When I was calorie counting I got slammed for eating foods like a piece of chocolate or bacon. When I did South Beach I heard all about how unhealthy it was to avoid fruit. When I did Medifast I got all kinds of comments about it being "processed crap." And when I switched to a whole foods, natural, no-counting approach I got told I would fail because I was not counting anything. Yet look, I managed to drop an awful lot of weight here and have kept most of it off since I started over 4 years ago. I am proud of that. Yet I know no matter what step I take next I will get public and private criticism for it. I get that this comes with having a public blog but sometimes I just want to do my thing and get support.

I do appreciate being able to come here and vent a bit.

My little one finally (as of 3pm) stopped vomiting and I am working on getting a little Gatorade into her sip by sip.

Yeah, usually it doesn't bug me too much but today I am super sensitive with no sleep, etc...

I totally understand the depressed feeling when you see people whiz by you losing weight. Heck in my 4 years blogging I have seen DOZENS of people, bloggers and folks here, drop all their weight (over 100 pounds) and get to goal. But I also have seen a lot of them regain. So, we just have to figure out our own personal journey OUR way, no matter how long or short that journey is. We will get there Paula.

How does that saying go.... "Opinions are like *ahems*, everybody's got one."

Easier said than done, but I think having a selectively thick skin is the best trait to have for the internet.

It makes me laugh that you get so many varying opinions in so many varying tones. All (or most) of them probably think they've got it all figured out, too. "Just do xyz and you'll be at goal weight in no time... DUH!"

Even with being on 3FC (as gentle and encouraging as this place is) I've come to learn that you just have to be confident in your choices, and just because you're doing something a little different doesn't make it wrong. And just because two people are doing completely opposite things, doesn't mean they can't get along fabulously and support each other.

You remember the end of Neverending Story 2... and his final wish to the Queen? That's what I'd wish for the internet. "I wish you had a heart, internet." Or at least manners.

a thick skin online is a must, people are cruel and hateful and mean spirited safely tucked away behind the safety of a keyboard, believe me I've had my fair share of PMs saying hateful things like "go away, you've lost the weight, no one wants you here now" etc., but then you get a great one that says something like "hey if you can do it, maybe i can too!" and it's worthwhile again!

It's amazing that you know your body & mind so well, know what'll work and what doesn't, so you'll pull yourself up again I know it.

sorry your little muffin is sick hopefully she's all better now!

Lyn, I read your blog all the time and I have to say I admire you so much for getting back on track and trying new approaches after your stalls and regains. I've never seen anyone with quite as much persistence in real life, your inner strength to stop your backslides and eventually start moving forward again really amazes me. I am always blown away that people criticize you, because you truly fight to keep on track. I know people tell you all the time but you have been am inspiration to me.

You are an amazing woman, with great insight into yourself. If I may give just one piece of advice- Listen to yourself, trust what you know works for you, and stick with it, even when you mess up. Thats it
One of my current issues are the comments made by others and their seeming inability to understand that some of what is said in a "positive" way has a negative impact. Others on here have told me to ignore things that are said, but I can't. I don't have that mentality. Instead I work through every well meant comment and try and understand where the commenter s coming from. More often than not it has something to do with their negative body image or relationship with food.
I truly wish you well - you have come such a long way, keep at it, at your pace, and in your way