and I feel okay about it. For some reason I just wasn't feelin' it yesterday. I tried... even though I woke up just wanting to eat, I put off eating till after my shower and after my coffee and I think I lasted until early afternoon and then I decided to try having some cashews. In the past, a few times, eating some cashews has made it easier for me to stay on track. But yesterday it just snowballed and I wanted more, at every turn. I ended up getting a huge carby treat at starbucks, and had some crackers and chocolate later. So I really went all out.

I did feel like I wished I could have stayed OP, but I didn't feel like a disgusting terrible person for it, which I think is huge progress toward healthier eating and living. And today, I feel quite confidently back OP.

I do think I need to work on limiting the damage while I'm off. It snowballs for me. I think it's because carbs set me off and really just make me want more, badly. And then I have thoughts that may be sabotaging (I'm not completely sure there's not some truth in it, though) -- like, I'm off plan now, I will be back on plan tomorrow, I need to do this while I can. I do think it is true that it's better for me to sit down and have cookies and cake and crackers all on one day than it is to spread it across three different days. But the reality might be that I don't need cookies and cake and crackers. I don't know how much of it is the insulin screaming for carbs (which I don't feel bad about because that is a chemical problem) and how much is the "I better get all I can while the getting's good" thoughts, which I would like to minimize.

So I woke up 2.5 pounds higher, but I'm not regretting it. I'm a work in progress and I feel like I am progressing.

maybe breakfast would have helped?

I personally couldn't eat once a day, I'd have huge blood sugar swings that I'm sure would case me to pig out -- on starches and sugar, most likely.

Good job getting right back to it today! Falling off the horse isn't the end, not getting back on is where the problems come. You're doing a great job, keep on keepin' on!

you are absolutely NOT a disgusting terrible person. And getting right back on trach is HUGE.

But I do think going on a food bender is something to regret. I won't speak for you, but at least for me, this is about a choice to move to a healthy weight AND a healthy lifestyle - permanently. And I'm not going to say that a healthy lifestyle can never include treats. But in moderation, not as a way of life, even for a day. And to me, that helps get rid of that "all or nothing" mentality. Right now, I'm very focused on staying on plan - I remind myself that it's not the worst thing in the world to not eat ice cream this summer, it will still be there next year. So you don't need to try to stuff it all in one day, when you know that another day when you get to have that treat will come along.

Yep, I've lost 80 lbs by failing and then the next day getting right back on the pony.

You know - I think you did OK - I've eaten a lot more than that on a bender!!! real mindless eating of stuff that i didn't really want - just wanted to eat?
So I can't see that that will effect your long term goals - And the fact that the bender went for a ONLY a day - or even less than a day - is GREAT!!!

Good attitude adjustment there!!!!

I'm glad you're ok. It happens Hopefully it's out of your system for a little while. I know I can't eat any type of nuts or I go out of control, lol. I love them! You probably didn't do much, if any damage. I know after I go on a binge I am usually 10x more motivated in the days and weeks to follow. Here's hoping for a big whooshie in your immediate future!

So now you know your trigger. Carbs. Sweet carbs. So now you know what to stay away from! Take this as a learning experience.

Ya know, I see why you say that, but I don't think b'fast does help me. I have done so great with this once-a-day eating thing. I do have weak moments, but I think they're fewer and far-er between than they were before I started this woe. It's actually a lifestyle I could see doing for many years to come. I have actually worried some that when I get elderly, to the point I can't take care of myself, my caretakers will force me to eat meals. But I guess that's getting a little ahead of myself.

As for the blood sugar, as a type I diabetic, of course that is a HUGE issue for me and one that has ruined many a diet. For me (and I would think this would be true for most people) it is not *not eating* that is the problem, it is eating. If I were to eat three meals, I'd have three ups and then downs. This way I don't have any ups and downs during the day. For my nighttime meal, I eat very low carb, so I don't have a huge blood sugar spike.

Thank you! And so true! The getting back on the horse muscle is a new one that I'm working on and I've been doing so much better with it since I started working on my weight this year. In the past, I was *off* pretty much the first time I fell off.

Gosh, I wish I could be comforted by thinking it will still be there next year! I can see how that would work for you and I'm going to meditate on it. lol The stuff I usually use to convince myself is more like, "the treat will be over very quickly and then you'll be so disappointed for days," or "it never actually makes you feel good to have treats like that." But maybe having next year or the rest of my life to have treats would be a nice addition to my arsenal.

That is so good to hear!

I think I used to eat as much or more crap on a normal day before I started working on my weight. And I've certainly done a lot worse. It helped yesterday that I spent several hours in the middle of the day with a friend and I didn't really want to eat in front of her. Did I mention that the chocolate bar was HUGE?

Thank you! A woosh would be nice. And I am putting cashews on the forbidden list, at least for a while. My dh and my mother have both been telling me how they're losing so well eating a ton of cashews, so I as thinking I might be able to fit them in. Sigh...

Sad thing is, I have known about carbs being my big issue for quite a while, since about 2000, when I first discovered Atkins. But I still obviously struggle quite a bit with it. I do think that each time this happens, I do learn a little from it, and each time I do well and avoid this I learn a little, too. Judith Beck (Beck Diet Solution) says that if you give in you are strengthening your "giving in muscle" and if you resist you're strengthening your "resistance muscle". But I do think as long as you don't spin off kilter entirely, there's something to be gained (no pun intended ) either way.

I wasn't trying to suggest that you should make yourself wait until next year - it's more the concept that the treats will always be there, whether it's next year, next month, next week or even just tomorrow. Next year has been working for me because I am trying to see if I can just do this (lose the weight) once and for all and I am trying to see if I can do that before my birthday in April.

I really like the "resistence muscle" stuff you mentioned though - I think it's definitely true that breaking a diet can become as much of a habit as anything else.

BUT I also think that when you do decide to go off plan, it should be a planned and enjoyed indulgence. So I'd love to see you be able to move past the idea that you have to shove it all in one day because that will be your only chance but even more than that, having such a sense of negativity. If you are going to go off, then go, ENJOY! And then get right back on track the next day (or the next meal) and don't beat yourself up over it because then it makes it even less worth it to have had the treats. If that makes any sense....

I totally understood what you meant!

When I "decide" to go off plan it probably is that way. I guess there are people that never go off plan unless it's planned ahead of time, but I am just not there yet. There are just days that I lose control. There are other days that I am desperate to cheat and I don't, so maybe over time, I'll have more of those days and less when I actually do cheat.

I think I haven't been beating myself up over it. I'll have to go back and look and see what I wrote, lol, but I was feeling a lot better than I normally do about cheating. Like, this is life. Progress, not perfection, and all that. And I'm feeling like I really am making progress. Of course, what I'm working toward is staying on my plan every day, so I don't feel like it is ideal. But I don't feel upset with myself, either.

The wanting to shovel it all in at once is partly because, if I start eating bad stuff, it is SO much harder for me to stop than it is to just keep eating well if I'm eating well. So, If I'm off plan, that makes me feel like I should eat whatever it is I'm wanting now rather than ruin a day where I'm eating well with it, kwim?