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angry & resentful (read: sorry for myself)

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Old 08-18-2011, 08:57 AM   #1
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I came home and ate almost every vegetable in the fridge. There's some onions and cabbage still in there, but that's simply because of a lack of creativity on my part. Had I been more imaginative they wouldn't have survived, either.

So when is a binge a binge? Earlier this week I tweaked my plan again. I'm at 1,400 calories a day + unlimited non-starchy vegetables. I don't measure carrots and cucumbers and the like and don't count that towards my daily calorie limit. My "binge" means I ate about 200 calories worth of carrots, cucumbers, and bean sprouts. Calorie-wise, certainly not the worst thing in the world. Emotionally, though, I'm really shocked at how comforting that nom nom nom nom nom of my mouth was. I could really use some ideas at other ways to comfort myself that don't involve nomnomnomnomnom.

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Old 08-18-2011, 09:24 AM   #2
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martini -

sorry you are having a tough time.

First of all, do not beat yourself up for "binging" on vegetables!! That was a GOOD choice and I think sometimes, a high volume of food is what it takes to feel happy and satisfied. You could have chosen to eat a high volume of high calorie food but YOU DIDN'T! So that's great!! And yes, you can work on finding other ways of comfort that don't involve food at all, but you know what, it's a process. And you found a way to use food in a much, much healthier way than in the past. So that is HUGE progress.

and fwiw, I TOTALLY get your feelings about the different perspectives on weight. Yes, plenty of people are appalled to weigh less than I do right now, after a hard-earned 33 lbs loss. And plenty of people are appalled to weight what I hope to get to as a goal. But I have to just remind myself that they aren't me and I know the progress I am making and how far I've come. And there are definitely days where I avoid other forums besides the 100 lb club and the 300 lb forum (I LOVE the positive energy there, so I read it a lot although I don't post there unless it gets REALLY interesting! lol!). I don't have specific advice to "fix" your feelings on this issue, but I did want to say that I think it's totally normal to feel that way.

As for the rest of it, I think your self-awareness is awesome and puts you a lot further ahead than you give yourself credit for. I'm sorry your mother is so selfish and mean to you, but it's clear from the progress you have made already that you are a VERY strong woman and you will succeed in the end.
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Old 08-18-2011, 09:26 AM   #3
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Sorry you had a rough day.

As far as not bingeing: first off, I think you did great by going with veggies. I will usually now go for chewing gum, a large glass of water with some MIO in it for flavor, or a tea. Other options for resisting the nomnomnom urge are to just leave the house- take a walk around the block one or twice and focus on how food is not the solution to anything but hunger.

I too get frustrated sometimes with others who weigh much less than me complain about weight, but now that I'm much lighter myself, I see how it happens. I look at myself now - extremely happy with what I've accomplished- but still desire to have legs that are not bumpy with cellulite, a stomach that doesn't have hanging flesh, etc. I'm still working towards goal, and one of my main focuses is to firm and tone up during the next year. Everyone's journey is their own. We need to focus on that and not on where other's are in their journeys.

Hope today is a better day for you!
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Old 08-18-2011, 09:53 AM   #4
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Oh boy, you did have a rough day!
You did great with your choice of snacking. There are times when I will eat 2 or 3 cucumbers or a bunch of baby carrots, just to satisfy the urge to snack. Usually it happens late at night, so what I have started trying to do is to drink some water and go to bed. If it is earlier in the day I will try to go get some exercise in. I have found the endorphins from working out make me feel better than snacking ever has. I have taken out irritations, fustrations, anger, all on the pavement while jogging or on the elyptical and I always feel better afterward.

Do not worry about others and their goal weights. Everyone is different. I am estatic to be down 7o lb. , but my waist is still 2 clothing sizes larger than my hips and thighs, so I have a difficult time with buying pants. I am hoping that the next weight I lose comes primarily from my waist and then I will be happy as can be with where ever I am at.
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Old 08-18-2011, 10:49 AM   #5
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Martini,
First of all you are down by 58 lbs..that is a huge success.
Second of all you binged on veges and that contained lot of fiber..so mostly it will get flushed out.
evrybody is in his or her cacoon..some talk about it constantly and others get frustrated because of it. Some hide that situation and ask you lot of questions about it and you feel that person cares about it.
Your mom must be first type, but no doubt she cares about you.You always crush the heart which you shud have cared the most. And you do that because you trust the person most. This is coming from a 59 years old. And i learnt it recently when I heard this song.
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Old 08-18-2011, 10:53 AM   #6
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holy crap, that was rough!

firstly, a binge is a binge, but there are different levels -- did you eat the veg deliberately or were they the ONLY food in your house? If you chose them over other things, A+ ! If they were the only thing but you ate them and didn't go get something ELSE to augment it, then A- LOL

As for mothers, the older I get the luckier I feel for having a hilarious happy & loving mother who thinks I could run the country! The only thing I have to offer on the subject (again, from an age perspective) is that we can't change other people - as trite as it sounds. She's set in her ways, obviously doesn't care about hurting you (forgetting a birthday? more than once? or ever? wtf??) and that's her reality and it won't change. You banging your head on a rock or eating a sack of potatoes won't change it. SUCKS to be sure, but it is what it is. The only thing YOU can control is the reactions you have to it. Maybe not the first gut reaction, but the calm rational reaction after a few minutes!

I look at this as an opportunity - it's pretty clear that A + B = C, crappy things happened, you were emotional and upset, and turned to food (what kidn of food doesn't much matter) so what can you do in future to interrupt that equation?? to have a different outcome???
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Old 08-18-2011, 11:14 AM   #7
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So many hugs...

One frustration is very easy to have roll into another.

A) A binge is a binge. Even if it's on veggies. Sure... could've been worse calorie-wise, but the emotional response was still there, and that's something we have to try very hard at to get rid of -- or rather to deter to a healthier choice. (The usuals come to mind: Journaling, Walking, Venting --which you're doing now, and that's good rather than turn to more food!)

B) You and I are both fairly tall chicks. Even if we weren't, we're coming from a place (the 300's) where getting under 200 is going to have such a HUGE POSITIVE impact on our health and well-being that we just cannot compare our end goals to others'. Even getting out of 300 has done that for us! It's not always easy. There are people who started before we have, who are further along than we are... but that's their journey, not ours! Do your best to not compare their end weight to yours. It's apples and oranges!

C) Oh mothers... *sigh* They aren't perfect. I remember during my young teenage years when I started recognizing that my mother was an actual human being with feelings and thoughts and problems. It freaked me out! That woman is a person! AAAAHHHHHH!!! As much as I love my mother, she's far from perfect. She's made mistakes. She's made me angry, and sad, and frustrated, but we cannot control other people. We can control our responses to them. Sometimes even venting about our mothers makes it a little easier to deal with.

Again...just more I'm really sorry you had a bad day!
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Old 08-18-2011, 11:26 AM   #8
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I don't know, I'm not sure it's a priori a bad thing to comfort yourself with food, if you can do so with good choices like vegetables. I'm not sure I agree that "a binge is a binge."

I just think we need to give ourselves some room to be human beings, to sometimes need to numb out our emotions and not deal with everything like some kind of superwoman all the time.

If nomming on some veggies made you feel better, that sounds pretty good to me. After all, many of us would have been face first in the Ben & Jerry's, not the carrots. I just have a hard time seeing this as a reason to beat up on yourself further - "oh woe is me, my relationship with food is so messed up, blah blah." After all, it's biochemistry that makes eating fun and comforting. Beating up on yourself because you get comfort out of something you are hard-wired to get comfort out of just seems ... counterproductive. You've figured out a way to get comfort from eating when you need to, without seriously compromising your plan - that sounds pretty good to me.
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Old 08-18-2011, 11:51 AM   #9
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Don't have much to add to the really great suggestions here. Just want you to know that I, too, think the veggies were a pretty good choice of food if you were going to binge, and that journalling on 3FC is a pretty strong start to working through this.

I don't know if it makes you feel better (why should it?), but my mom never remembers my birthday. Never really bothered me, and in fact, never really thought about it until now. But my dad - he never forgets. And now my kids have started doing things independently that make me feel great - like decorating some folders for each of my core subject areas. I don't really have any issues with my mother, but she's also not a big part of my life. Hopefully, you have lots of people who love you and support you and who play bigger roles in your life than your mother. =)
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Old 08-18-2011, 01:34 PM   #10
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My thought patterns work very much like this! I think your last paragraph is the most telling and you hit the nail on the head. You're having to work through things that you were once able to stuff. So it's only natural that you are so frustrated. Sometimes it just helps to get it out. And sometimes it's too hard to have the other distractions (i.e. the irritation at seeing the content of the other posts- and regardless of the content, when there's a bad day like that, something WILL rub you the wrong way), so maybe you could try emailing a friends or calling someone to vent. Or doing something to soothe yourself, whatever that might be.

I'm not sure when a "binge is a binge," but I wouldn't worry about your veggie situation. It sounds like you're phasing out the unhealthier parts of it, but I understand it can be distressing, even if it's not cookies or cake or whatever.

Just remember when you have a bad day that the next day is almost never as bad. I don't know why, but that makes me feel better.
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Old 08-18-2011, 03:45 PM   #11
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One of the most difficult things to accept about myself in this weightloss path is that I will never, never be free of the binges. I've come this far, I've learned so much, and yet every now and then I just lose control. I sometimes want to look at it as a failing of myself, but it's not. We are who we are, and what matters is how we react to that. I'm still losing because, though I do still have binges, I have them less often and in less extremes. That's the accomplishment.

So don't feel bad that you had a momentary loss of control. Feel proud that you damage controlled it well, reaching for the veggies instead of worse. And just think how many vitamins you got out of it!

As for your other two topics, I think weight has to be viewed from the personal perspective. I remember being 170 and hating it, being 190 and hating it, 210, 230, all the way up. Each step was the worst I'd ever been. So I can sympathize with the 175 lb-ers who feel fat. And I really do sympathize with you about your mother. I've got one like that too, a real Debbie Downer, and so melodramatic. I try to laugh about how silly she is.
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Old 08-18-2011, 06:25 PM   #12
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Old 08-18-2011, 06:35 PM   #13
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I don't have much to augment what has already been said.. but I DO understand EXACTLY what you are going through. And we're all always here to listen. Thats WHY we have to 100 club... we face different issues and have different goals sometimes than someone who wants to lose 20 lbs.

You are doing fabulous
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Old 08-18-2011, 08:31 PM   #14
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Besides the veggies, I imagine sorting this all out and writing it down was helpful. Re: choosing to nosh on veggies—while that is certainly better than chocolate (ok, not better but better for you—LOL!), ideally you would have worked through all of the frustration, anger, emotion not using food at all. At the end of the day, it is the end of the day. Forget about it! It was a super sucky day and it is over. Release it to the universe. You will make tomorrow a beautiful day. It really is in your control and you do have that choice. Hang in there!!!
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Old 08-18-2011, 08:39 PM   #15
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Martini - nothing to offer but . We're living on crazy days like that at work.


Lovely:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovely View Post
... my mother was an actual human being with feelings and thoughts and problems. It freaked me out! That woman is a person! AAAAHHHHHH!!!

Thanks for that. It has given me something to think about for sure.
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