1. Obviously he see's something in you that he's attracted to
2. So look around at all the beautiful people who do like you in your life. Obviously they like you for a reason. So if they see it including your new hunka burnin' love, then it's obviously there
Thanks for such great support and responses, everyone! I really appreciate it all, and it's exactly what I needed to hear...I know I'm sexy, I do, and I know that I'm smart and not going to allow a man to treat me like crap. But I guess that only goes so far (I can handle dating average bodied guys without thinking too much of it, this man is just SO FIT!)
Anyway, I guess I'm just going to have to live with insecurity until it goes away. And as many of you have said--enjoy it!
I guess another main worry about this whole thing is this: I'm not as self-conscious about my actual size. For the most part, in clothes, I think I look pretty good. But when/if the time comes for clothes off, it's all the lumps and bumps, rolls and folds, and that dreaded c-word (Cellulite!) that worries me the most. I'm working on this with the weight loss, of course, but if this moves at a normal pace of a relationship, there's no way it will all be gone by the time we should get there, and even if it did, there will no doubt be other worries, like loose skin, to deal with.
Does he realize that this is how I look underneath?
So my next question for you is: Do men who haven't been with an overweight women know overweight female bodies look without clothes? That's there are nicks and crannies all over? Ack!
They really will be thinking that, I agree. Also that someone having a less than perfect body isn't a big deal, but someone who keeps on saying "am I fat? You don't mind how I look, do you?" and similar is a big turn-off. If you ever get the temptation to say that out of nervousness, and I think we've all felt tempted to say it, DON'T!
1)OMG i'm going to get some
2) BOOBS
3) OMG i'm going to get some
pretty much this.
at that time, they aren't looking for your imperfections. unless you point them out, he probably wouldn't even notice them.
as robin williams said, 'god gave man 2 heads and only enough blood to operate one at a time'... he won't be thinking too hard about "omg is that CELLULITE ON her thighs?!" he's not looking for your wrinkles, your stretch marks, your lumps bumps nooks and crannies. he's looking to have a good time, and (if he's a good one) making sure you have a good time too
OK I'm gonna give you some advice straight from the mouth of a lesbian...ME LOL
Like men I LOVE women, big small etc. It's the ENERGY they give off. There's so much to being sexy then what the media shows. He's into you cause he's attracted to your energy, it's that much sexier when you do take your clothes off. Women are just sexy as sexy as can be and men see that. He see's that in you. Would you really want a man who wanted you for your physical body and nothing more? How empty is that? You sound smart, level headed and sexy....sure you don't wanna switch teams haha just kidding! So I'm telling you from a woman who LOVES women, and kinda see what men see, yeah there's so much a woman has, not just tits and ***, but the emotional state, the confidence, the sexiness, the style, the ability to multitask, the brains.....omg no wonder he's so into you! and no wonder I'm gay! LOL
Paris, everyone else has stated the obvious so I don't have to. Did it ever occur to you that one of the things that attracted him to you is the fact that you are on a healthy track? If he's as smart as he sounds, he realizes that your desire to improve your health is just one more aspect of your great personality that he is attracted to. Just go with it and don't worry.
Ha, you guys are awesome! I know you're right, I guess, it's just difficult! But it doesn't need to be, so I'll just get out of my head as best I can. Usually with a guy, when I'm with him, I'm just in it, so hopefully if the time comes, that will just take over. Ugh.
Insideme--you are hilarious!!! I love the "no wonder I'm gay!" And you're totally right about the not wanting someone who wants you just for your body stuff.
and linJber--I haven't mentioned weight loss to him--I haven't mentioned it to anyone other than my therapist and, well, of course, the entire internet... But I made a healthy dinner the other night, and we talked about eating fresh veggies and stuff, so I do think he appreciates that.
Thanks for the input, everyone, I feel better already!
Hey at least you know he's with you before you hit goal, that way you know he likes you for more than the physical right? There's always going to be something we don't like about oursevles, even when we are fit and healthy (I had body issues at a size 5 a long long time ago) but you have to change the negative thoughts in your head and replace them with good ones, like your good enough for this, your worthy of such a hot man! Enjoy darlin!
I am loving this thread. As someone coming out of a long relationship (which I went into at a healthy weight), I have thought multiple times that getting the weight down would have to be a precursor to getting into a good, solid relationship. How wonderful to realize that men (and lesbians =) aren't just about body size. I am unquestionably not ready to date yet, but it's really helpful for me to start thinking about it in the ways so many people have described it. And, of course, to consider switching teams. =)
I'll be honest, I struggle with this sometimes myself but it's not just about my weight. I'm a very insecure person in general, and I do think my weight has played into that some. I drive my husband bonkers sometimes trying to ask him why he loves me.
My husband is a pretty attractive guy, normal weight, and what can I say -- women like him. I on the other hand, am very overweight, and rarely get male attention. I do think that has something to do with confidence, not that I really want or am looking for male attention (although I must admit it would be a little ego boost!).
Well I have been married to a "hot" guy for eight years now. I was VERY insecure about my weight in the beginning, and the whole omg what is he going to say when the clothes come off situation just about put me in the hospital lol. I thought in the beginning that he was using me for some sick game or something..the whole let's hurt the fat girls feelings thing. He pursued me very hard, and I just didn't trust it. It wasn't until I saw him turn a gorgeous skinny girl down flat that I thought well, maybe he does really want me. (He didn't know I was there) That was the day I thought screw it, I'm good enough and I know I'm pretty and smart, so what's not to love? And then when the clothes finally came off one night, he didn't seem to mind that I was literally twice his size. He was 145 pounds soaking wet, and I was pushing 300 pounds. I was terrified, thinking oh god turn off the light, but not him! After that, I didn't have anymore doubts about the relationship at all. And here we are all these years later.
I guess what I'm trying to say with that very longgg paragraph is this. Try to just enjoy it. You are worth it!
I thought in the beginning that he was using me for some sick game or something..the whole let's hurt the fat girls feelings thing. He pursued me very hard, and I just didn't trust it.
This is a little of what I was feeling before--he's pretty intense, and sometimes it feels like he's trying to rush a sense of trust between us--which is a sign of a con artist. I was worried that he saw me as a weak target because of my weight (even though I am absolutely 100% not).
But now, I'm getting the sense that he's just an intense guy, and is maybe a not so great at holding his feelings in, maybe even a little immature in that respect (which isn't great, but is much better than being a con artist! I can live with a little immaturity!).
I would take it as a wonderful sign that you have met someone that can see the whole picture. Not someone who sees an overweight woman and runs the opposite direction. At some point maybe he can even help you reach your goals by being supportive of a healthy diet an exercise.
When I met my DH, I remember thinking about how incredibly muscular his body was and how he could get someone so much prettier than me. In the end he chose me for being me. I apparently had something to offer that no woman in his past had ever had. You never know! It did take me a long time to allow him to see me naked. When he did I was always super nervous. At this point I've realized that if he hasn't run away screaming at the sight of me yet he probably isn't going to.
