This is long, but good.
Many of you know I've had a difficult run this past year. When my Grandpa died that was pretty much my rock bottom and I disappeared from the boards. I didn't stop the journey! I'm actually back to my low again, thank goodness! But I was no longer into the happy banter I love so here.
Well, my life has taken a turn...
When I was 15 years old, I fell in love with a boy two years older than I. We dated for nearly a year and I was madly and deeply in love with him. My family at the time was a nightmare. His parents encouraged him to break it off with me. I was devastated. Worse, nearly immediately he started dating a friend of mine. It was torture and I never got over it.
I compared every single man from there on out to him. I've just re-read all my old journals, actually, and literally they're filled for the next 6 years with "but he's not like 'him'", "doesn't look like 'him'", "I haven't felt this way since 'him'." Eventually, honest-to-goodness, I decided that since I couldn't have him, it didn't matter who I had and my boyfriend choices took a nose dive. I married my husband because at least he had dark hair...like 'him'.
Throughout my marriage, nearly every month, I had nightmares where I had to choose between him and my husband. I always woke up before the choice was made. I was fearful one night I'd say his name because I talk in my sleep. I worried about what Heaven would be for me, because in Heaven you're supposed to be with the one you love. I was married to one man, and forever in love with another.
Once in college, I got brave and called him. He had been seeing that friend of mine for four years at that point, and I knew they were still together. I called anyway. He was a pilot and he took me flying. I will never forget that perfect night. But I had a blind date set up for the next evening and I told him I owed it to this guy to see that date through. He wanted to renew things at that point...wanted to drive an hour's distance to see me in college. He broke up with the girl of FOUR YEARS! I don't remember how it played out exactly, but I chose an absolute idiot of a blind date over him. I have regretted that decision every day, EVERY day, ever since.
So last week, I hurt my neck by waking up. LOL! I woke up, turned my head, stretched and I heard something audibly snap in my neck. I was in so much pain I couldn't even lay back down. The doctor put me on Percocet, which apparently lowers my inhibitions! I wrote him a handwritten letter. I wrote about a flight I had recently been on and about how beautiful it was. I wrote that I hoped that he hadn't been flying so much now that he had lost sight of that. I wrote that I had recently lost my grandfather which made me want to reach out to some of those people I had lost. I wrote the entire letter in such a way that a wife could read it, because I had no idea where he was in life these days. I stuck a stamp on it and I mailed it.
A few agonizing days letter, I got an email in my box from him. He wrote more than this, but this quote really stuck out: "You spoke of reaching out to those you never meant to lose. Just wanted you to know that you didn't lose me. I'm still right here." He wanted me to write back or call. So I called and got his answering machine, and left a message. He didn't call back that night, but very late left another email saying he'd call the next evening at 8:30. So I waited.
We talked for two and a half hours. And would you believe he has felt about me the same way all these years? I ended up telling him I had my second chance and blew it. He said he has to shoulder the burden for that one, not me. I didn't understand and he said he never should have broken up with me the first time. He's regretted it all these years and has never married and has dated very little. He has been looking for another me.
I got to see him this weekend. He hasn't changed even a little bit. The man is gorgeous! Who gets three chances at love? I can't believe this is real.
And to bring this back around to weight loss...do you have any idea how incredible it is to be where I am right now at this exact moment in my life? We went on a ten mile hike, because every time we came back around to his car we weren't ready to stop. LOL! We just kept going. I didn't feel it at all! He, unfortunately, was very sore the next day!
He called and said he thought he was fine until he hobbled out of bed. I am in shape and I feel really good about my image and I can just enjoy the final chapter of my way-too-long love story.