[EricaRhea]

Very true that we have to work on our inside too.......because it's what's inside that is reflected on the outside. Like, right now I've been going through yet another bout of depression.....our home is a wreck.....and that's exactly how I've been feeling on the inside. I take an antidepressant and am very grateful for it. I've been more depressed in my late 20's and early 30's than I ever was when I was younger. How did this happen? How did I get here?
I'm about 5'6", with long legs and arms......I weighed 120 in highschool, which was a bit too skinny for me. I remember I couldn't gain weight to save my life. At age 20 I had been in two abusive relationships and my weight started to yo-yo. I shot up to 150 pounds pretty quickly, then down to 135. 130-135 is actually good for me..........but at that time I just couldn't stop eating. I ate when I was depressed, when I was bored. Now at age 32 I'm at 192.2 pounds......the heaviest I've ever been. I used to see a nutritionist, but that gets expensive. And yet, you need the support.....it's hard to do this by yourself. My husband was just diagnosed with Meniere's disease (did I spell that right?) and has been put on a low sodium diet. So to make this easier, I'm doing it with him. I think this will be good for us. I've cleaned out the fridge and pantry of all the things he can't have anymore......I've bought some good healthy stuff. And am starting to visit a local farm for fresh produce. I'm also starting to walk/jog wtih friends three nights a week. I'm hoping that losing weight and getting more healthy will help my depression. Can't wait to be able to post before and after pics.

[SugarRomeoTango4852]

Rainbowgirl: I am in awe of your strength and I want you to know that, based on the strength you needed to get through the past few years, she will claw her way back out by force. And we will all be here to help you find that strength again.

[Jasmine31]

Rainbow, so sorry to hear about all the health problems. You will get this weigh off and be healthy again. Maybe even get thinner then your blue haired pic!

You can do it chickie!!!

[Rainbowgirl]

Thank you for all the kind words. It's been a long battle; last year was probably the toughest of my life, just trying to recover from the blood clots. There was original fear that I had sustained heart damage due to the massive things going through my heart. I originally had a heart murmur in the ER, but several echocardiograms later and I am perfectly normal. My heart has been so good to me. Then all the problems with breathing; I could barely walk 10 ft the first day out of the hospital and went back to work the next day (though took 2 weeks off immediately after that because I fell asleep at my desk in exhaustion), breathing was a chore - even though the clots were mostly dissolved from the massive doses of blood thinners I was on initially, the damage was done and took a long time (longer than predicted) to recover.

When I saw an internal medicine doctor in January 2010, she saw me with her medical student. Near the end of the 2 hour long visit, she turned to her student and said "in your career, you will see very few patients like Laura who had such significant clot burden and didn't end up in the morgue." That made me laugh (inappropriately) though inside I was losing my ever-loving mind. lol

Anywho!

This just popped up on my news tab today - to bring more awareness in case anyone here is on Yasmin or thinking about going on it.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/...73L2ZZ20110422

For me, specifically, it was the hormones in Yasmin that caused my experience, and it's likely I have an allergy to all the hormones used in oral contraceptives, but that's not the case for all women. Some are ok taking the older generation pills, and not Yasmin. Definitely something to think about.

srt4852 - thank you so much. I never would have said I was a strong person before this happened, but now I know my strength and know that it comes through when absolutely needed. Let's how that skinny girl in me can find some of that strength and bust her butt out!

jasmine31 Oooh skinnier than 150 would be divine! I'm thinking 130, 120 in my head, but really 150 is my ultimate goal and then we'll see from there!

[avi0903]

Thank you for starting this thread Rainbow. This is exactly what I've been struggling with. The fear to let go of the weight, the fear of actually succeeding and seeing what my life might be like if I were thin.

I had a similar scale experience as you did, Jamiesue. I was in 5th grade, and in those days (1970), the teachers would take the class to the nurse's office to be weighed. So embarrassing! I remember I weighed 110, and the teacher weighed me and said out loud to the class "110? Even I don't weigh 110, and you're only in 5th grade"! The class laughed, I was humiliated, and I think in that moment I learned to hold emotions in. I didn't say anything, just went back to my place in line. I didn't tell my parents, just bottled it up with food.

Well, we all grow up, and it's never too late to learn a new way to live.

Here's to our successes!