I am struggling so... I got on the scale today and weighed 218 - this is so depressing. My big plans of getting to onederland at the first of the year are figuratively and literally down the toilet.
A big wave of depression hit when I got back from visiting family in Michigan. It was a let down after performing at the grandson's school. I love being there. Was sad when it was over.
I got the reminder call from the surgeons office about my appointment in Monday. I had an anxiety attack. My foot feels the best it has in years. Of course, it's wraapped, padded, I wear a brace and I don't work or do much. But.... do I think it's OK enough.. I don't know. Probably not in the long run.
I am so mad about all this - my foot recovery should be over instead of starting again. Damn all the delays. I just can't get attached to a surgery date. Too many things have stopped it the past nine monthes... staff infection, injuring good foot and stomach flu. I am glad that I got to go to Disney, however.
I am getting all these calls about summer perfoming which I must turn down. I can hardly bear it.
I go in waves of huge binges with a few days of food sanity thrown in.
I don't ever know if I can have a sane relationship with food. People do it... I've done it before, then I relapse.
Each journey starts with a small step. I've got my journal out and I'll plan for a good day.