Some of you regulars (aka old timers
) who know me are familiar with my previous triathlons. I did my first tri in 2006 when I was 274 pounds and it was really with the support and response from this forum that I did it again in 2007. I can't express how much finishing my first tri changed my life. It seems silly because I am a girl who loves a challenge but finishing a tri was such a mental exercise in overcoming fear, self-consciousness, and my self-imposed limitations that I know it carried me further than the high of that day.
Now, I'm pregnant.
And no matter how wonderful or happy it is, one thing is clear: I hate being pregnant.
Most of it is an anxiety of having no control of my body growth. This is a throwback to losing a good deal of weight. It made me hyper-aware of the shape of my body and what my body can do. This means that if I am unable to do something, there’s an alert in my head that says, “Okay, something’s not working. We have to change this before it gets worse.”
Of course, I can’t "change this" now. Instead, I have to give up being able to control this development. It’s OUR body at the moment and I can’t control hormone production or the relocation of my uterus. I need to just let go.
I know (logically) that this is temporary situation. But I am having trouble getting my brain to the long-term. See, brain, see over that hill? That’s the rest of your life. This is just a drop in the bucket. My brain doesn’t believe me. So I have to make my brain believe me! I have to plan for things in the long term, past the due date so that brain is fooled into digging itself out of the always/forever/andever loop.
So I’ve decided to compete in my third tri in October --three months after my due date. It gives me something to somewhat “train” for and it also gets my brain in a state of mental preparation beyond the due date.
You know what? It's TOTALLY working. For the first time in a long time I am seeing past the pregnant phase of my life. I am positive and looking forward to the end result (the baby, of course).
And here's where I sneak in a pitch -- you can do a triathlon too.
If you've never done one, I am telling you that you can. The "sprint" triathlon is a 500-meter swim, a 20K bike ride (12.4 miles) and a 5K run (run? Ha! Walk for me). And there is nothing, NOTHING, like it. For the rest of your life, you can say you are a triathlete