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Old 02-26-2011, 02:48 PM   #1
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Question victory dance ... ?

I posted this on my blog, but don't get many visitors there, and I think I'm just having a weak moment and am in need of reassurance. I'd also like to hear how any of you deal with this same thing...

Today is day 57 of my weight loss journey. I set a goal for myself of losing 10 pounds a month this year, ultimately reaching my final goal by the end of the year (I have 117 pounds to lose).

I lost 16 pounds in January. Well over my 10 pound goal, which made my goal for February a mere 4 pounds to lose. I've spent the month bouncing back and forth and had been worried I wouldn't meet the end goal weight for February. My official weigh in isn’t until Monday, but I checked this morning anyway. 272.2 lbs! That’s 0.4 lbs over my 20 pound goal. I have lost 20.4 lbs as of this morning! I’m still on track, even if it was slower this month than last. I was off to such a strong start in January that I made up for my lack of progress this month and was still able to get the goal I had in mind. We’ll see on Monday what my official weigh in stats are. I know I have a birthday party dinner to attend on Sunday, so I need to be careful if I want to maintain this loss and keep my achievement.

But for today I’m proud of myself. I hope that being proud of myself is enough, because when I excitedly told my husband that as of this morning I had lost 20 pounds, he said “cool. this week?”

*sigh* “Of course not this week, silly. Since January,” I told him.
“good job.” he said… and that was it.
“That’s a big accomplishment.” I told him, for my own sake.
He nodded and said “yep.” Then went back to sleep.

Now I know he cares. I do. And I know that if I had told him when we were both up and doing things around the house, he’d have probably had a stronger reaction. But I really think he’s just not as enthusiastic as I am about the whole thing. I want him to be. He’s the one who motivated me to get back to work in the first place because he was worried about my health. So being happy for me is a given, right? I can’t be upset that he doesn’t react as much or as strongly as I wish he would. Because I don’t know how he really feels deep down inside. I don’t know if he’s truly proud, or excited, or thrilled or bursting with desire or any of that. He is the only one who knows that. What he chooses to share with me is up to him. Just like what I choose to share with him is up to me.

How much of my journey I talk about with him is my choice.. and I don’t talk much about it directly with him because he can’t identify with the struggle (he's 6' 1" and 142 pounds soaking wet). He cares because I’m his wife, but it’s not as personal to him because it’s about something he’s never dealt with. He’s told me many times that he just doesn’t understand how someone can let themselves get morbidly obese. He was always speaking of someone other than me. He has never made me feel like he was grossed out or upset about my size at all. He has only ever expressed concern for my health. I can appreciate that, but it puts me in a place where I feel that sharing every detail about my weight loss struggles isn't an option.

Perhaps I underestimate him. I’ve done it many times. But I’m still a little raw around the edges with him and can’t handle negative reactions or rejection or disappointment… so I only share the good stuff. The milestones, the goals, the accomplishments. And, in his own way, he cheers me on. But he can't be as enthusiastic about this as I want him to be.. just like I can't be as enthusiastic about some of his personal projects/interests as he wants me to be. I don't want fake enthusiasm.. I want him to truly be excited, and I can't force him to do that.

For right now… knowing that I met my goal for February is going to have to satisfy my need for approval. I'll try to be proud enough of myself for the both of us today.

How do you deal with the reactions (or lack thereof) of others when/if you share your progress? Specifically a spouse.. I don't want his lack of positive reaction to hurt my feelings, especially in the future when I've lost even more weight. I'm sure that it matters to him, but he's not the type to get really excited the way I am. It's part of the reason I chose to join 3FC in order to get the personal support from others who ARE familiar with this journey. I'd let you be my cheerleaders any day. But how do you not take it personally when your partner doesn't seem enthusiastic about your accomplishments?
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Old 02-26-2011, 04:21 PM   #2
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Congrats on your 20 lb. loss. That is huge and you should be applauded. unfortunately, most people arounds us do not support us in exactly the way we want. My husband, for one, "loves the way I look". I don't really share much of my weightloss struggles with anyone but a few friends. Most of them are heavier so they are very negative about my weight comments. That is why I'm on this site. It doesn't matter whether you are 10 or 100 lbs overweight. We are overweight and only people in our predicment can understand. I'm about 15-20lbs from goal weight and try to take care of myself but my husband, a wonderfu guy, just doesn't see what I see as a problem. I am pretty obsesssed about exercise and diet and he is a trooper and goes along with everything but that is about it. SOmetimes, mem feel threatened when his wife looses too much weight. It will be interesting to see how your husband reacts in the coming months as you purse your weightloss goals. Stick with it, girlie...you are on your way to success. Kudos to you. Celebrate with a special treat (spa or pedicure). You know you deserve it!
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Old 02-26-2011, 04:49 PM   #3
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Hmm ive been in the same situation..my hunny is 135 soaking wet..he's never had an experience with being overweight ever..He often has the same reaction all the time..He saysd "Good job" and sometimes it makes me feel like he doesnt care but i know he does..I think for men it is so much different..They dont have an emotional attatchment to there body the way that we do..We are emotional human beings who put an emotion to everything in life..and one of those major things are our body..We value and critic are bodies harder then anyone else.. Its an emotional thing for a person to lose weight..especially if we have spent the entire of our life feeling overweight and un-important..its like..we become important through weight loss..we value ourselves more and we hope that others would share with us in this..at the same time..our hunnys love us for who we are as a person..so they could almost care less..if they cared so much, they wouldnt be with us im sure..but they arent with us for our looks, they are with us because our personality and who we are outshined every possible flaw..
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Old 02-26-2011, 04:49 PM   #4
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You certainly deserve your victory dance (even if your weigh-in is up a bit tomorrow - don't let that dampen your spirits!). It's sad we don't always get the validation we'd like from the ones we'd most like it from but like "thelast20" says, that's what this site is for.

Your 10 pounds a month and 117 in a year is very do-able but it'll be a lot of work, especially the more you lose. Don't get discouraged if you don't make a month goal - every loss deserves it's own victory dance!

"Vision without action is a daydream ~ Action without vision is a nightmare"
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