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Needing some love...dreading this wedding

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Old 02-15-2011, 07:11 PM   #1
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Default Needing some love...dreading this wedding

I have this wedding I am going to in March. I've known about this wedding since about month two of this journey. I just knew I'd be at goal by then and I'm close. I'm within 11 pounds.

This family of mine, which is out of state, is extremely judgmental. I've wanted so badly to be able to go to this wedding and just be me. I don't want to do a big reveal. I'm not looking for kuddos. I just don't want to be fat. And while we're at it, I'd love to be blonde with straight hair like all of them and 5'0" like all my cousins and tiny framed...but that's just not going to happen. I look like I was adopted. My mom's side has very strong, fair genes and my dad's side has very strong dark genes, so my brother and I look like mutts on both sides.

My mom has tried to tell me that I'm crazy, that her family is NOT all that judgmental and that they love me just the way I am. She's wrong and I know it. I was just on the phone with her and I don't know what possessed her to share this with me but she told me she'd been bragging to my grandpa about my near 90 pound loss and she thought it wise to tell me his response. "Well goodness, just how fat did she let herself get?" She then apologized for not believing me. So now I have validation from her that her family is indeed judgmental. Then she proceeded to tell me she was so floored she talked to my brother and both my aunts about poor insecure "Eliana".

Basically, in trying to help, my mom has set up a scenario to fulfill my worst nightmare. The last time I was there, at 235 pounds mind you, I had to take anxiety medicine to get through the visit.

So...this weekend I'm going to get some pictures up of the two dresses I chose for the rehearsal dinner and the wedding itself and I need some love! It's going to take a good fifty compliments from all of you to get me in a good head space about this. Also, I would love some help with accessories. You can all help dress me up.

Gotta love family.
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Last edited by Eliana : 02-15-2011 at 07:12 PM.
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Old 02-15-2011, 07:20 PM   #2
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Well you can't change her heart - if she is a nasty, judgmental person, that is ALL on her. The best revenge you can get is to be happy and graceful about the whole thing, and show your beautiful body AND personality off. If you let yourself get sucked into tha pettiness, they won't care either way, but YOU will be more hurt. So stay elegantly above the fray, and any unkind comments should either be ignored or met with a deadpan 'I can't believe you just said that. How embarrassing for you.'

Their prejudices about weight and anything else are their burden to bear. Don't take that on yourself when you have enough to deal with.


I have a wedding to attend in July, so I sympathize completely with anxiety over the event and just wanting to be loved for who you are at any weight. Thing is, the one who controls my anxiety is ME. I can choose how I respond to less than gracious comments, and I'm going to be choosing confidence and grace.

Those attitudes look a lot better with a sleek party dress than nervousness and stress
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Old 02-15-2011, 07:25 PM   #3
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Put Ex-Lax in the punch. By the end of the evening, the width of your posterior will be the last thing they think about.








That would be very wrong. Don't even consider doing it. Don't even giggle when you get visuals of it. Poor little blonde girls shuffling off to the potty after several drinks too many.
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Old 02-15-2011, 07:41 PM   #4
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I can't believe your mom did that.....but maybe you could think of it as a challenge? Just think, before, you had to take meds to get through it....and now, you have a chance to enter this situation with your head held high and do what Tyra did, tell them (in your head of course) that they can kiss your fat ***! Of course it's not fat, just like Tyra's wasn't fat. The point is that this is an opportunity for you to reframe your thinking. Ask yourself why you care so much about what they think? So what? I obviously can't tell you how to feel. But, I wish you would take the power and not give them so much power over how you feel. I really hope I'm not hurting your feelings in saying all this. I've seen your progress here on this board and have been blown away. I think it takes such a great deal of strength and independence and commitment to do what you have done. You're an inspiration. When you go there, imagine a whole big giant posse of chicks walking in there right behind you, telling you how incredible you look and let that carry you through the wedding. Have fun! You'll come back here and let us know how proud you were of yourself for how you carried yourself! Oh, and I'd love to help you get dressed! I'm sure you're gonna look smokin' hot!
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Old 02-15-2011, 08:12 PM   #5
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Eliana, you know that you have our undying love and affection! You are going to rock it out at this wedding. I love playing dress up. I cannot wait for your wedding attire option photos.
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Old 02-15-2011, 08:22 PM   #6
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all the positive vibes sent your way, and hugs! that visual of ex-lax in the punch...omg. that was so funny!
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Old 02-15-2011, 08:34 PM   #7
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Looking forward to helping you choose your dress and gushing compliments on you (that'll be easy!!). And I can't believe your mom, although unfortunately I can believe it, because my mother also has foot in mouth disorder at times.
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Old 02-15-2011, 09:10 PM   #8
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Can't wait to see the dresses ~ I'm sure they'll be gorgeous! Family is hard to be around sometimes...but you are going to be much healthier when you see them and you should be very, very proud of yourself! Easier said than done, but don't worry about what they'll think or say.
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Old 02-15-2011, 09:25 PM   #9
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I anxiously await the upcoming game of paper doll.
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Old 02-15-2011, 09:34 PM   #10
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Don't let them get you down. If they make unkind remarks it is because they are ignorant,. they can't help being stupid. Hold your head high and spend as little time as possible with this gang of cutthroats.
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Old 02-15-2011, 09:35 PM   #11
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Wow!! I'm so incredible excited for you! For them to see you looking great is going to be amazing. I wouldn't be able to wait! I know you don't want a big reveal, but it must be nice to think about the looks on the faces of those who judged you before
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Old 02-15-2011, 11:29 PM   #12
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Yikes, no wonder you're uneasy about walking into that kind of situation; gotta love people whose only comment after hearing good news is to inquire about the bad news that made it look good in comparison.

I'd practice saying, "Thank you for noticing; I thought it was time for a change, so I made one. Now tell me about YOU!" Chances are extremely good that these tiny blonde elves will be all too happy telling you all about themselves and won't put you on the spot. Failing that, you could just offer to get them punch or cake, "as I notice you can't reach the table to get it yourself."

I shouldn't make short jokes since I don't extend far up the Y axis myself. I just get this mental image of these Lilliputians and couldn't help but chuckle.

Can't wait to see the dresses!
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Old 02-16-2011, 12:12 AM   #13
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Wow - I can believe that your mom said that; my mother & my dad did the same thing to me over & over. Not the same words but the same looks, attitude, etc. There ain't no cure for stupid! I love the idea of the ex-lax in the punch! I know you can't do it but I can let my imagination see it. I love what Nola, Lucky Mommy, & Artic Mama said. Hopefully you can that to heart. You go & have a wonderful time. You are above them all & know that we all are with you in spirit even though we can't be there. Good vibes coming your way.
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Old 02-16-2011, 12:17 AM   #14
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Can't wait to see your dress options!

Never ever let anyone make you feel bad about your accomplishment! You worked hard, you're very healthy, hold your head up high! Any idea what types of things you think they may say that's making you nervous? Maybe we can help you with some responses that you can be prepared with just in case.
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Old 02-16-2011, 01:15 AM   #15
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Ignore the lot of them, you've done so well and anyone that has the nerve to say anything bad doesnt deserve your company. Smile sweetly and walk away.

You've done a fantastic job and will look amazing, I cant wait to see your dresses!

My brother is getting married in August, the last sibling to do so. I know Im not going to be thin then but Im just hoping I can have enough weight loss to go down a couple of dress sizes. My goal is to be able to walk into a shop and pick myself something nice that I want to wear (rather than just fitting). I know my family are very good and will compliment any weight loss but I just want that feeling of actually knowing I look good no matter what anyone else has to say.
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