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Old 02-05-2011, 10:39 AM   #1
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Default Little bit gutted after being compared

Yesterday I saw my sister and brother in law who have been away travelling. They had said that they had met a girl that looked just like you!
I was kind of dreading seeing the pictures, because to be honest I prefer living in blissful ignorance as to how people see me (looks wise)

When they showed the pictures and happily exclaimed that that was the girl, and didn't she look just like me, I was mortified. I can see where they are coming from, and even I could see the resemblance, but if anything she looked more like I did 30 lbs ago. I was gutted that they still saw me as being so fat, and I also feel (probably erroneously) that I look a lot younger than what she appeared to be.

I realise that this sounds all horrible and like I'm up myself thinking I look better than this girl, but that's not really what I'm trying to say. I'm sure she wasn't ugly, but she surely wasn't what I'm hoping to be either.

The one thing to come out of this is an even firmer determination to never be compared to someone that overweight again. I want to show them!

Never let a problem become an excuse

Last edited by timkerbelle; 02-05-2011 at 10:42 AM.
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Old 02-05-2011, 10:52 AM   #2
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I completely understand. Comparisons can be awful. It is sad that they still see you as you looked 30 lbs ago.
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Old 02-05-2011, 11:18 AM   #3
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Congratulations on your 55 pound loss, you are doing great !
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Old 02-05-2011, 12:16 PM   #4
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I was in an airport once and pointed out a boy I thought looked JUST LIKE my boyfriend, but he was chubby. My boyfriend was a little offended, I think, but I was talking about his features, not even thinking about the fact that he was clearly so much bigger until my bf pointed it out. I did the same thing with my dad once, too, in a mall! He was like "Oh gee, thanks..." and I realized the guy was kind of chunky. But I hadn't been talking about the body at all.

Maybe they were somewhere along those lines and didn't mean to compare you weight-wise at all.

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Old 02-05-2011, 01:21 PM   #5
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I agree with ParadiseFalls. I think that they were probably looking more at facial features than the stature of the body in comparison to yours.

I often see people that look like friends or family and mention it later to them (mostly because in the moment it freaks me out when I know they're elsewhere). When I do, it has to do with facial features.

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Old 02-05-2011, 01:40 PM   #6
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I can relate to this...

In February 2010, my dad sent me an e-mail that said he found a photo on a dating site that looked exactly like me, even my husband would agree. At the time, I was 26 years old and around 240 pounds. The photo was of a woman approximately 45 years old and 350 pounds. Now, I didn't think she was ugly or anything, but it still crushed me to be compared to someone much older and heavier than me, plus, the only resemblance I could find is that we both wear glasses. I showed my husband, who didn't agree, then bawled in his arms.

My father and I have always had a fragile relationship because of his behavior my entire life, and I decided that day to not let him hurt me anymore. I haven't spoken to him since.

I am sorry that you were compared to a photo that hurt you because I know just how incredibly painful it can be.

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Old 02-05-2011, 02:02 PM   #7
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I think all of the posters had some very valid points. And also, keep in mind that your relatives saw and knew this person in person....but they now only have a photograph to show you, and while they know it's a representation of
the person they met, and can recall her in "real" and "in person" in their mind's eye, A photograph is often very misleading compared to the real person. It takes an image of a 3 dimensional person, and puts it on a 2 dimensional
paper. Even very thin people look bigger in a photo!

I'm so sorry this hurt you, and I hope you can recover from this quickly and continue to become the person you long for. You have already made great progress....and in six months...they may look at that photo and say "Huh? What were we thinking!!!!"

All the best,
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Old 02-05-2011, 02:20 PM   #8
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While it definitely sucks to be compared to people, they probably saw something in her that photos can't portray. I've met people who I felt looked alike, but later realized it was more about how they light up the same when they smile or mannerisms they shared. That stuff is hard to pinpoint and describe so it may be something more like that.
"It takes a long time to change anything, especially your body. So enjoy your body right now." ~Dolphina

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