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Old 01-30-2011, 11:26 AM   #1
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Default Looking for sympathy, I admit it

I am feeling really down right now. I went to the eye doc and my eye pressure is still rising so he put me on glaucoma eyedrops for life. Now I'm scared about it all, what if the drops aren't effective etc. I would hate to lose my vision.

To top it off, I never mention my weight to my husband, but last night I said "I can see the legs looking thinner, can you notice it"? and he said no. I said people at the gym having mentioned I look like I'm losing weight and looking good and he said he can't see it "maybe cause he sees me every day". I was so hurt I didn't talk the rest of the evening. Why is it our loved ones can't see how much encouragement we need.

Thanks for listening, I just feel like crying right now.
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Old 01-30-2011, 11:47 AM   #2
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I'm sorry, Paula. Sometimes husbands can be a little obtuse. I'm certain the people at the gym are right about what they see!

Hope your day looks up a little more.
"And that's how Beowulf rolls"~ my DD
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Old 01-30-2011, 12:07 PM   #3
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Sorry to hear that you are going through difficult times. This too shall pass.

Those closest to us sometimes hurt us unintentionally.

Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement - and we will make the goal. ~Jerome Fleishman
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Old 01-30-2011, 12:08 PM   #4
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I'm sorry to hear about your eyes - I hope the eye drops remain effective for you.

As for husbands, I can relate. Sometimes they just don't get what we need to hear - I can understand what he's saying; sometimes it is hard to see changes in someone we see everyday, I mean I know it is hard sometimes to see changes in myself! But, how hard is it to give a little white lie?? sigh. Anyways, just listen to those people at the gym, they know what they're talking about!
Journey Started: June 22, 2010 (233 lbs)
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Old 01-30-2011, 12:20 PM   #5
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I went to the eye doctor a few days ago too. I don't have eye pressure trouble, but my vision is getting worse and worse. Even with contacts in I have to squint for words to adjust. Without contacts or glasses I cant see anything at all. As far as your husband, don't be discouraged on losing weight because of him. Even if he can't see the change YET, he should had said something encouraging. People who you don't see every day will be the first to tell you. One time I was going to the store and someone I used to talk to came up to me and said, "Girl, you getting big." I knew she wasn't exactly trying to sound offensive. She kind of that type of person that says what every one notices but most people wouldnt say it out right like she does. That was embarrassing and made me feel even more insecure.
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Old 01-30-2011, 12:31 PM   #6
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Boys can be dumb. I say go with what Liz said and listen to the people at the gym.

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Old 01-30-2011, 12:45 PM   #7
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^^ what she said! boys can be dumb There's the old joke about a guy saying to his wife "OK, if there were 2 ways to take what i just said.... and one was hurtful and upset you, then I meant THE OTHER ONE!"

if it's any consolation, a good friend of our family has been on those drops every day for over 20 years and has had no setbacks, no reduced vision, still reads a ton every single day! AND a weird side-effect of the drops are the most ridiculous long eye lashes! no mascara required!

big hugs !

Started: 323
Now: 171 - nope, 165 now!
NOPE -- 162 now! Holy crap i've lost a PERSON!
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Old 01-30-2011, 12:46 PM   #8
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Men often don't do tact very well. When asked a question, they tend to answer literally. My husband's pretty good at spotting the no-win trap questions, and will sometimes say "do you want the truth, or do you just want me to tell you what you hear? Because if you want me to tell you what you want to hear, I can do that, but you're going to have to tell me what that is, because I don't have a clue."

He's been losing weight too, and to be honest, I don't always see it. When he tells me he's lost five pounds, I say "Yeah, I can really tell" (but I can't).

I realized the other day, that his reaction to my "compliments" has not at all been what I would expect (and I realized why - he's not a woman). Instead of being flattered and encouraged, he seems perplexed and suspicious, as if he suspects I am lying to him (I am) or is wondering how I can see something that he doesn't (and the truth is I can't).

I look in the mirror every day, and don't see the changes in myself. I look at him every day, and don't see the changes in him. Unless we're looking through old pictures, we don't see the difference. It's just the reality of the situation. When we see someone every day (even ourselves), we don't see the changes.

My husband sometimes says "you're as pretty as the day I married you," which he means as a compliment, but I was almost 90 lbs heavier when we married. So shouldn't he say "you're prettier than the day I married you," then again I am eight years older, so maybe I should just be grateful that I'm breaking even.
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Old 01-30-2011, 12:57 PM   #9
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My dad was on eye drops to control his pressure for many years and they did the trick. I was always very worried that he would lose his vision. He loved to read so much so it would have been devastating. I hope your drops work as well.

Regarding your husbands comment; I think it can be difficult for people who see us every day to notice changes.

Hang in there!
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Old 01-30-2011, 01:21 PM   #10
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Sorry about your eye issues..but hopefully the drops will help you. As for your Husband...my husband is the same way, he is proud of me but he is brutally honest sometimes and if he doesnt see a difference he won't lie about it. Don't let it discourage you, if people at the gym are noticing that take that and run with it!
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Old 01-30-2011, 02:08 PM   #11
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It's very, very hard to see when someone else is losing weight if you see them every day. The good news is that it's hard to notice when they gain weight, either!

Try to appreciate that when he tells you that he CAN see a difference, you'll be 100% sure he's telling you the truth. That's worth a lot.
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Old 01-30-2011, 03:41 PM   #12
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If he said he noticed the loss, it would mean he'd noticed the gain, in man logic. Most men know that the appropriate answer is "Weight? What weight? You look great." and then shuffle off to something else safe.
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Old 01-30-2011, 03:49 PM   #13
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In the land of "benefit of the doubt," I'll be honest, I don't notice weight loss or gain in my family and friends until it hits about 40 pounds - they just look the same to me... Even if I only see them infrequently. Either I'm just narcissistic and unobservant, or I see people based on my previous perceptions of that person...I really hope it's the second one
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Old 01-30-2011, 05:22 PM   #14
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Aww, thank you all so much for listening and taking the time to respond. Especially thanks to those who know people who had success with the drops, I always feel better when I hear a "real example". Yes I guess I should be glad my husband isn't the type to lie to me, I guess that's one way to look at it. I dragged my old carcass to the gym today just the same. Love you guys, this is such a supportive forum.
"It's a lifestyle, it's something you do the rest of your life," "How long are you going to keep breathing? How long do you keep eating? You just do it."

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