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So my Mother says . ..

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Old 01-19-2011, 08:04 PM   #1
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Default So my Mother says . ..

"How skinny are you planning on getting?"

I ordered a jacket for jogging/hiking and its supposed to be tight. The medium (size 10-12) is a little looser than I was expecting, she said take it back for the smaller.
That's not going to do me any good if its too tight, it'll sit in the closet for a month or 2 is what I said . . . to which she replied

"How skinny are you planning on getting?" She sounded a little disgusted.

I don't know how to take that considering today was the FIRST day i can ever remember that I haven't been in the obese range.

Weird
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Old 01-19-2011, 08:15 PM   #2
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Don't let comments like that get you down. We all receive them at one point or another.
The important part is to have a realistic healthy goal for you. If you know what that is, don't let other's comments stop you from keeping motivated.
Sometime people don't like to see you succeeding because you play a certain role in their life. With significant weight loss, your role will change. Some people don't deal with the changes very well.

You've lost almost 75 pounds!!! That's amazing sucess, and you should be proud. Nothing should stop you from reaching your goal!
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Old 01-19-2011, 08:19 PM   #3
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My mother has made comments a time or two to me in the past whenever I tried to get healthier and lose weight and would mention to her my goal weight I had in mind to work towards.

"Oh that's MUCH too skinny" or "You really want to be THAT thin?" etc. etc.

Like being 135-150lbs and athletic is a bad thing going from being a morbidly obese person. ??

I'll never understand some of the things people do or say, but all that matters is you do what is best for you and not worry about what other people think.
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Old 01-19-2011, 11:39 PM   #4
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You've made amazing accomplishments and you should be proud!

I've had friends tell me that I look weird under a certain weight (still obese though...) and I shouldn't try to lose weight. It's amazing what some people can say when they think at least on the surface they are being helpful.

You just have to remember that you are losing weight for you and it's YOUR opinion on when the stop that counts
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Old 01-20-2011, 08:22 AM   #5
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Keep in mind that to the non-obese, anything over a 20-30 pound loss sounds like a HUGE amount. They see how much you've already lost, and you say you have another 20 to go... and they freak, imagining you anorexia-thin and unhealthy.

Also keep in mind that it takes a while for their "mental image" of you to re-adjust to fit how you currently look. When they first see you thinner, they may think you look ill and be concerned... until that becomes their mental image of you. But if you tell them before their mental image has changed that you have more to lose... they may freak because, again, they are thinking you're aiming for obsessive, unhealthy, freaky-low-weight territory. You know better, but they don't.

I find that I don't talk at all about numbers if I can avoid it. I'm not near the point where people might think it's time for me to stop losing, but I'm planning to keep fairly quiet about that, too. "My body is still shifting around a little" should be enough to mollify them that you've heard their concern but doesn't give them any ammunition to try to fight you about it.
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Old 01-20-2011, 11:57 AM   #6
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My question is, what does your mother weigh? If a mother is over weight or has an eating disorder, it can be intimidating if her daughter starts losing weight and getting healthy. I've heard the same thing from my mother about how much was I going to lose. But then, I've also heard from her, how much more did I plan on gaining.
I have to remember that I can't change my mother, but I can change, how I react to her comments.
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Old 01-20-2011, 12:07 PM   #7
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All mothers say that. I've been at goal for a couple of years and every time I see mine, I get the once over as she tries to decide whether she gets to comment on my weight. God forbid I'm down a couple of pounds. I don't think they can help it.
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Old 01-20-2011, 12:47 PM   #8
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Yup, must be a mother thing. Mine constantly asks me where I think I'll be able to lose another 25-30lbs from.
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Old 01-20-2011, 01:04 PM   #9
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I wasn't upset or offended really by her statement, more shocked at the tone.

I can CLEARLY stand to lose some in the legs, hips, arms, back . . . theres no shortage of jiggles that can go away lol.

My mother is not obese, maybe 15 lbs over weight give or take a few. She's had weight problems before, lost it and maintained the loss for years.
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Old 01-20-2011, 02:19 PM   #10
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I for one, think that is a completely awesome comment! Someone framed your weight entirely as a matter of losing/thinness, not obesity. What a huge achievement!
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Old 01-20-2011, 02:36 PM   #11
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The only one I talk numbers to is my husband. My MIL (who practically raised me since I was 16) asked me the same question as your mom did. I told her that I had a number in mind but I am going to see how things go and how I feel when I get closer to that number. I thought it was the most diplomatic way to reply. LOL
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Old 01-20-2011, 02:47 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauren201 View Post
The only one I talk numbers to is my husband. My MIL (who practically raised me since I was 16) asked me the same question as your mom did. I told her that I had a number in mind but I am going to see how things go and how I feel when I get closer to that number. I thought it was the most diplomatic way to reply. LOL
I wonder if that has something to do with it, I've never told her a number - either starting, finishing or what i've lost. I've just always said "Until I feel comfortable, healthy and strong in my body" and left at that, to anyone that has asked me.
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