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Old 12-30-2010, 07:38 PM   #1
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So I had 2 really good days. Then the evening of the 3rd day (wednesday) I have been off. I have decided to cut myself a little slack for New Year's. I am starting to really have SERIOUS doubts that I can do this though. I think that's part of my problem. Because I suffer from PCOS, I feel better eating low carb, but I have a hard time sticking to it. When I was doing Calorie Counting before, I didn't feel that great, and I didn't want to do it either because of all the measuring.
As you can tell I'm a lazy person. But I'm just afraid that this time is going to be like all the others, and the scale is going to start going up instead of down and that because I am feeling overwhelmed right now, I will just say screw it. For me I can't see myself going through my whole life never having a piece of cake for my birthday, or enjoying a meal out with DH. And I know so many of you do these things just in moderation. But for me it seems like if I give myself an ounce (like New Year's) it leads to a week long binge. Because I have the all or nothing mentality...and I have no idea how to break that mentality. I have tried and tried.
That's why I have been thinking Eliana's view is good, committ to just getting the weight off. Then once you are at goal you can have these things as long as it fits in your maintainance plan.
Sorry, alot of this is just thinking out loud. But I feeling discouraged, I am feeling I can't do this...I cannot remember myself smaller then I am now...always been big, always been at the top of Women's clothing...so its hard to find the motivation to keep going...thank you for reading, and thank you for anyone that can help me out here.
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Old 12-30-2010, 07:41 PM   #2
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I can completely relate. I did the same thing a few weeks ago and today has been my first day of really being back on plan. I have no words of wisdom, just know you're not alone.
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Old 12-30-2010, 07:43 PM   #3
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Don't cut yourself slack. The plan is your friend. It will support you. Lean on it now. Use it. Be glad it's there. If the plan you are using isn't working, pick on that will and stick to it like glue.

Discipline is healthy, and something we can rely on when we don't feel like doing what we need to do.

Feel overwhelmed, be mad that you have to do this, mourn what you need to mourn, have a fit, but move your hands and feet towards the things you value - your health, feeling better, exercise, waking up and not having to think "I'll start again today."
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Old 12-30-2010, 08:34 PM   #4
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Pink- I know how you feel this is very hard! I also have that mentality all or nothing. We are coming off a very hard month as far as weight loss goes. I have been on-plan (calorie cycling) since June 2010 and by far December has been the hardest month. And I do keep a weight loss journal and I have only lost 2 Lbs. this month because of my Christmas eating gain. So I have felt extremely bummed the past few day's. BUT there is no way I'm going to throw out the whole baby with the bath water just because it was a hard month. Please don't give up!! Start talking to yourself- encourage yourself- remind yourself what the old day's and old way's felt like. Have a vision in your minds eye what next year this time can be like if we hang in there.
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Old 12-30-2010, 08:41 PM   #5
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Ahh. You can do it! Look how much you have lost already? You are such an inspiration, dont give up on yourself now. So what if you cant eat cake for 2 or 3 years. Get to maintenance and then cheat every once in a while. And dont beat yourself up for that mentality....it's who you are. Obviously you wouldnt be where you are in this weight loss journey without that "All or Nothing Mentality."

Good luck.
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Old 12-30-2010, 09:09 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PinkHoodie View Post
For me I can't see myself going through my whole life never having a piece of cake for my birthday, or enjoying a meal out with DH. And I know so many of you do these things just in moderation. But for me it seems like if I give myself an ounce (like New Year's) it leads to a week long binge. Because I have the all or nothing mentality...and I have no idea how to break that mentality. I have tried and tried.
That's why I have been thinking Eliana's view is good, committ to just getting the weight off. Then once you are at goal you can have these things as long as it fits in your maintainance plan.
I totally hear what you are saying. I do do okay having a piece of cake for my birthday as long as it is somewhere other than home so the rest of the cake isn't available to me. I don't beat myself up over that one piece. So I guess I have a tiny bit more control than you but it is only a tiny bit.

The thing is, I really worry that if I don't figure out the moderation thing now while I'm losing then, when I get to maintenance, I'll go on a non-stop "I'm on maintenance, I can have more calories!!!" binge and quickly have put back on 25 pounds. And then be so down on myself for that it'll be another 25 pounds before you know it.

I'd also like to figure out the self control part - where you can have a piece of cake and not really really really want to eat the rest of the cake too. I am just not sure that skill though will ever be one I can master.
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Old 12-30-2010, 09:35 PM   #7
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If you're finding yourself starting again after a few days on-plan, then going off your chosen plan to cut yourself some slack or reward yourself, you're inadvertently keeping yourself in the absolute worst phase of any new plan. It's SO much easier to adhere to a plan--any plan--after a month or two than it is for the first week, but by straying from it, you don't give it a chance to become habit.

I would've gone off my plan within the first week or so if I still had to make the effort it used to take me to stick to it. It's so much easier after a couple of months. Inertia keeps me on plan because all the stuff I used to have to think about--weighing portions, passing up stuff that doesn't fit well into my plan--is now ingrained.

I don't think you're lazy. I'm lazy. I'm so lazy that I'm just traveling in my little groove, following the new habits I've made. It took a big effort to get into that groove, but now that I'm here? It's not so tough. You are doing the tough part and doing it over and over again; that's not lazy at all. In fact, it might be useful to consider why you're stopping and starting so much because it's probably not just laziness. Laziness means settling into habits, and you're not doing that--you're fighting every inch of the way.

As for the "never" thing, it's problematic for a lot of people. I can't stand the thought of never eating a beignet again; beignets are my birthright. So I don't tell myself "Never!" I tell myself, "Maybe later." Cafe du Monde has been around since the 1860s and they're extremely unlikely to go out of business within the next year or so; I will eat a beignet at some nebulous future time when I know I can eat just one and push the rest of the serving away. They'll be there later; I don't need to eat them now when weight loss is my focus.

You've already lost some significant weight, so you're clearly doing a lot right. You deserve to be called good things like strong and resilient and tenacious, not bad things like lazy. You can not only do this, you have already done this; you've already lost "just one more pound" over forty times. I can't wait until I'm in your shoes.
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Old 12-30-2010, 09:57 PM   #8
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I've "failed off" most of the weight I've lost. I know that I feel less hungry and lose better on low-carb, but I make tons and tons of mistakes. In many ways, I'm succeeding despite myself.

I don't have to be perfect. I don't even have to be very good, I just have to be better.

For me, I do have to aim for as few carbs as possible, but I almost always end up eating more than I had intended.

One thing I have had to give up completely is the giving up - even the temporary "I just messed up, so I'll just eat whatever I want tonight and start fresh tomorrow."

There is no starting over. Every mouthful... every choice... every pound matters.

For me, taking it one pound at a time has helped tremendously. Every food choice, every exercise choice, every goal I don't look too far ahead. I don't have to decide never to eat any food ever again, but I do have to choose not to eat some of them today.

I also remember that if I do choose to eat something on my avoid list, I don't have to keep eating it until sunup of the next day. Eating something I didn't plan on, doesn't have to mean gorging until I can "start fresh."

I've given up "starting fresh." Every choice is a new choice. A bad choice doesn't have to inevitably lead to a string of bad choices until the next start-over point.
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Old 12-30-2010, 11:34 PM   #9
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For me, when I feel like falling off... and believe me I do, I think of if I stop... just how FAST all of the weight is going to come back and more than likely, it will be an even bigger number than before.

I also think of how I felt at my starting weight. I hurt all over... all the time. I couldn't breath, I never wanted to leave the house, I cried a lot.

It is HARD WORK to lose any amount of weight... I have fought tooth and nail for every single pound. I don't want to fight for those same pounds ever again.

Please don't give up.... ever. You are strong and you CAN do this. Food... is merely fuel for your body. It's not what makes you. Don't let food be in control.

Best of luck to you sweetie.
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Old 12-31-2010, 12:27 AM   #10
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Black and white thinking is what helped me.

I just said, no, no more junk, like someone with any other addiction has to cut it out for their own good, I cut it out. I don't know if in the future I can have moderation, but knowing there is no choice, knowing that I dont' have to DEAL with TRYING to have 'just a little'...has made it easier.
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Old 12-31-2010, 09:52 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nola Celeste View Post
If you're finding yourself starting again after a few days on-plan, then going off your chosen plan to cut yourself some slack or reward yourself, you're inadvertently keeping yourself in the absolute worst phase of any new plan. It's SO much easier to adhere to a plan--any plan--after a month or two than it is for the first week, but by straying from it, you don't give it a chance to become habit.
Great advice from everyone! I really love Nola's whole post, especially this part!
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Old 12-31-2010, 10:31 AM   #12
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Ok Pinkie- What do you want? To continue being unhealthy and uncomfortable, or do you want to beat the beast? If it is the latter, like seagirl said, make YOUR plan your friend. Set your plan to totally suit you and your way of life. Commit to it, and IMHO, DO NOT let yourself be swayed to go off that plan. Nothing, not birthdays, Christmas, New year, vacation etc should deter you. It is this kind of thinking that suits all or nothing personalities (thats me, thats how I know )
The only reason I have been successful "this time" is because I did not slack once. I have not given in to temptation, and I have allowed my plan to work with my life. I cannot give up my glass of wine, so I fit it into my plan. I'm happier consequently because I don't feel so deprived, thus do not need to cheat to get what I want.
Every bite, lick, crumb needs to be accounted for, and this way you know what is responsible if you are not successful.
I also weigh daily, this has given me a very definite pattern that I can chart and understand where any mistakes are made.
I wish you the very best of luck, you deserve to be the best you can be, and truthfully You can achieve it.
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Old 12-31-2010, 11:47 AM   #13
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I don't have much advice to offer except to remember your motivation (or commitment or whatever ). Having PCOS seems to be a factor you want to address - maybe for a future hoodie? Remember why you are doing this. Wear a wrist band to remind you why you already decided not to have the cake or go out to dinner THIS time.

I could come up with a bunch of days throughout the year to 'celebrate'. There is a family birthday in every month, plus anniversaries, friends' b-days, plus recognized holidays - MLK day, Valentines, St Pat, Easter, Mothers day, Memorial, Fathers day, Summer Solstice, 4th July, Labor day, Halloween, T-day, Christmas. I can find a reason -aka excuse- to fall off or cut myself some slack pretty much year round. That is what got me here to begin with. Things have to change because I want to change.

At my dr. suggestion, I made a list of all the reasons/excuses I had for why I felt I didn't/couldn't do this. Then one by one, she made me find a way around each of them. Once I took care of the first few, it really wasn't so daunting. My ways around may not work for you but my dr.'s approach might.

No one is more lazy than me when it comes to 'dieting' than me. I found my way around this excuse for me was to get individual servings as much as I can. I am willing to pay extra for those prepackaged individual serving size items because it helps me be successful every day. And if it doesn't come premeasured then I do it once a week. Then its done. Period.

Another way I get around my laziness is that I have the same thing almost every day because I am lazy and don't want to figure it out. Same breakfast and lunch. They are my go-to meals - no thinking, measuring, pointing, counting required.

We all go through this - its about finding your own way. This forum has so much to offer that you can find something that will work for you. Don't stop trying to find them. Don't give up. Get back on track as soon as possible.
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Old 12-31-2010, 02:07 PM   #14
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Thank you all so much. Your thoughts are rolling around in my brain. And some of it is really clicking. Thank you. Happy New Year.
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