I started my weight loss journey at the end of August by cutting calories and going to the gym on occasion. Over the next month or two, my food choices shifted so that I was largely eating only meals I'd prepared myself with huge amounts of fruits and veggies, at least compared to how I was previously eating. Most days I was eating between 1100-1300 calories, and I was fine with that. However, I stopped working out from the end of October until this week. I started the C25K running program this week and started adding in bits of easy yoga, and I realized that I needed to up my calories in order to have the energy to workout, so I've been eating 1400-1600 for the past 5 days. I'm still eating tons of fruits and veggies, and I'm eating a lot of small meals each day. I feel full all the time. At the beginning of my dieting, this would have been a joyous thing, but now it's actually a bit of problem. Feeling full makes me feel like binging
It's weird and counter-intuitive, but for me, the sensation of fullness seems to make me want more in order to reach that feeling of numbness that binging provides... especially if I'm feeling less than ecstatic about anything else in my life.
To make matters more confusing for myself, I've put my scale away until January 3rd. I really, really
want to be able to jog/run for 30-45 minutes straight. My hope is to reach this goal by June. However, whenever I start exercising, my weight loss tends to stall for at least a week, if not longer. I kept using this as an excuse to procrastinate on starting C25K, so I decided to track my calories meticulously (seriously, I weigh pretty much every tiny thing I put in my mouth) and put the scale out of reach for at least two weeks, giving my body time to adjust to the changes before I weigh in again. I figure that the scale is just another tool in this journey, and if it's not helping me reach all
my goals, then maybe it needs to take a little vacation. Feeling full all day, eating more calories (although I should still lose on this amount), feeling sore, feeling like binging, and not having any reassurance from the scale - as well as a bit of loneliness exacerbated by the holiday season - well, it's making me feel a little bit crazy...
Although, on slightly odd side note, it does make me bizarrely happy when I log my foods into nutritiondata.com, and I can see the huge amounts of vitamins, minerals, fiber, etc that I'm consuming each day -
Anyways, I'm just putting this out there - a way to journal my thoughts. If any of you happen to have any words of wisdom or reassurance, I'd love to hear them. I'm definitely committed to pushing through my current ennui, and hopefully, come January 3rd, I'll get a little reassurance that I'm doing well...or I'll have made some progress towards my fitness goals at least
p.s. for some reason, using the word ennui in this post made me smile...I know, I'm a freak