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RESTART. Shame

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Old 12-15-2010, 01:23 AM   #1
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So this is it, this is my restart. And I am ashamed. I had lost 35 pounds this summer, and had done well, fast. My body responds quickly to diet and exercise, I'm lucky in that area. Knowing that makes me feel even worse for getting off track.
I remember seeing other peoples "restarts" and thinking that I would never be that person. But here I am. I got off track in August, and have gained most of the weight back. I look horrible, worse off than before I think, as I am no longer working the physically demanding job I was, and I feel awful! I don't like what I see in the mirror, its not me. So this is it, this is my restart.
I am also dealing with some personal problems, I am not working, and don't feel I can back yet, and I really need to. I just don't feel hire-able when I feel like this. My family is shocked at what is going on with me right now, as I am known for pushing forward, and doing well. I guess that I am really just looking for a place of confidence, and some support. I don't have many friends, and I feel like I have to keep my struggles to myself, as not to burden everyone els. Not to mention that me "acting" this way, makes no sense to anyone, and they just expect me to snap out of it. I have a problem with depression, but mostly self esteem. I have read a lot of pretty wise things here, like a girl in a thread I regularly post on stating that we have control over our weight, and for a lot of us, including myself thats true. I do have control. And that gives me a bit of motivation. And the goal stories always motivate me.
So, thanks for reading, I would love some encouragement if you have any. Also, I want to run, but I will be starting from walking, at my current weight. Does anyone know of a plan? or have general instructions? Is it like... walk x-distance until you can walk/jog x-distance, then jog-run x-distance and so on?? Would that work?
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Last edited by SarahD140 : 12-15-2010 at 02:10 AM.
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Old 12-15-2010, 02:39 AM   #2
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No shame. I suppose there are some people who decided to lose weight, lose it, maintain for life, all in the first attempt (good on them) but I would like to suggest that the majority of us have to try and try again.

Great news that you're back and trying again! Once you start seeing the pounds come off, your confidence in the process will improve. Then 'all' you have to do is commit yourself to your plan every day. Yes, I know that sounds self-evident but I've found that once losing weight kicks in, it's Very Easy to get complacent and slide without daily determination.

good luck!
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Old 12-15-2010, 08:02 AM   #3
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There is a program called couch to 5K (C25K) which is pretty good, but honestly I think it assumes you're a little more active than "couch". That's my opinion anyway. I think it goes kind of fast. But it can be modified to fit your needs. If you don't want a specific program I love intervals. I like walking X minutes followed by running X minutes, increasing speed and/or time weekly.

You're off to a great start! You've lost 24 pounds already! Impressive. Have you ever lifted 24 pounds? No small feat.
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mini goals: ~211-10% lost;12/24/09 ~203 class I obesity 1/28/10; ~199 Onederland/15% 2/19/10; ~188-20%; ~185 half way 5/14/10; 179-bye 180's 6/12/10; ~174 overweight 7/3/2010;169-bye 170's 8/13/10;~164-30% 10/23/2010159-bye 160's~11/1/10; 153-35%~12/23/10; 149-bye 150's~2/11/11; 145 normal~2/14/2011; ~141-40%; 139-bye 140's ~135 GOAL! (129-45%; 117.5-50%)






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Old 12-15-2010, 11:24 AM   #4
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With running, I just sort of fell into it. I started walking, using my ipod, but songs would come on with a jogging beat and I'd run them, just because it felt right, and walking bores me to tears. At first I could barely run through the intro of a song, but eventually I started running a whole song, then two, etc. I didn't realize how well I was doing until my non-fat male best friend offered to go on a run with me at the school track, and I outran him. I'm used to running back roads and hills, and the track was just so easy. He coudn't believe a 250 pound girl had better stamina than him. Total NSV!

I know what you mean with the depression thing. I was in a huge slump last year. I'm just now starting to really get my shiz together. It's really hard, when you get so down, all you want to do is eat and sleep, and when going grocery shopping seems like an insurmountable task, the idea of job hunting just makes you want to go back to bed. And when you feel so bad about your life, and your body, and yourself, you feel like no employers are going to take a chance on you, which depresses you so you get some pasta and go back to bed, and it's a vicious cycle. At least that's how it was for me.

For me, working on my health is what helped pull me out of the slump. I started running, and then that made me want to eat better to not "undo" that great feeling running gave me, and when I started seeing a change, it made me feel better about myself, which led to me getting out there, getting TWO jobs, and then my bills started getting paid and that felt good and made me feel good about myself and have energy to go take another run. So I'm in a shaky good cycle. I know it wouldn't take much for me to sink back into that other cycle though. Especially with seasonal depression such an issue for me.

You've come to a great place. I've spent hours on here motivating myself. It's been a huge tool and support. I'm glad you're here!
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Old 12-15-2010, 11:55 AM   #5
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I am a runner now, and I love it! I started C25k at 260lbs. on Oct. 19th. I've lost 21lbs. now, and I am running for 25 minutes at a time. The C25k program is totally do able at your weight. I did it, so I know first hand. I make the program work for me (I run slow, but I do RUN!). And it's awesome. We have a group in here that's all C25kers... it's called "250 and doing C25k...anyone else"

Come join us. The running for me has been so much more than getting fit. It's been the self-esteem builder I needed.
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Old 12-15-2010, 02:49 PM   #6
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I don't get the notion of "shame" about gaining weight or being heavy. It just does not compute! I understand feelings of being embarassed, confused, frustrated, annoyed, hopeless, etc., but shame? NO! The world would be a much better place if shame were reserved for truly shameful things.

We can give all the encouragement and hugs and advice in the world, but if you feel yucky right now and can't see digging yourself out of it, it won't help much will it As colossally CORNY as this is going to sound, 'tis the season to be kind to others ~ how about trying it on yourself? Treat yourself the way you would your best friend, NO SHAME, just encouragement and 'try try again'.

If you need a boost, a pick me up, I can't think of a better time of year! Volunteering, buying toys for underpriviledged kids, or if money's tight - just helping at a shelter, or help wrap presents at a toy drive, all are guaranteed to bring a smile and sense of accomplishment
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NOPE -- 162 now! Holy crap i've lost a PERSON!
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Old 12-15-2010, 03:43 PM   #7
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You all made some really good points. Thank you. I am going to find C25K, I feel motivated just thinking of working up to running for 25 min straight, I'm lucky for 25 seconds lol. Thank you all for your words of encouragement.

DaughterofVenus- you have the cycle dead on. I use to think that if I just had more time to myself I would get so much done, but I don't get crap done when I get into the eating-sleeping-maybe cleaning-watching netflix cycle.
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Old 12-15-2010, 06:29 PM   #8
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Good luck! You can do this!
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Old 12-15-2010, 09:31 PM   #9
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after many times saying im going to start. i am really doing it this time. no shame in restarting
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Old 12-16-2010, 01:45 AM   #10
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There is never any shame in starting again! You can do this!
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Old 12-16-2010, 09:39 AM   #11
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Shame is when you give up. Starting over is just another step in the journey.

Good luck! I know you can do it!
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