The thread about writing a letter to our future selves made me think that I wanted to write a letter to my former self. Please, anyone feel free to join in.
Dear Uber,
I know you HATE weighing 295 pounds but I don't think you are being very honest with yourself. You know how you really don't clean the house properly anymore? It's because you are so heavy that it is hard to move around. You are a mom and you have four kids, but the way you are treating yourself right now, you do not have a very nice future. You keep whining about how you look, but baby, it's really not about that-- it's about how you feel. It's about how you are letting yourself get old and marginalized and giving up every single thing you love, one by one.
You know, the funny thing is, you don't actually look THAT bad-- sure, you're fat, but so are lots of other people. People are not judging you by your weight half as much as you are judging yourself. But you FEEL much worse than you realize. Drop that weight and you will be amazed at what you can accomplish. You'll still be pushing fifty, and have frizzy hair, and that same old horse face, just without so many chins.... but you will walk with a jaunt in your stride and you will look like you believe in yourself. Right now, you always act like you are half sorry to be in the way.
Let's face it. For years, the thought of losing weight was always your fantasy-- your Cinderella story. You were going to lose all the weight (ten pounds, then twenty, then fifty, then a hundred) and then all of a sudden, everything was going to be perfect.
Well, UBER, it's not like that. Nothing will ever be perfect. You will never look like Nicole Kidman. You're just a regular person-- no better and no worse than most.
But, Uber, you wouldn't treat your best friend the way you are treating yourself right now. Don't you notice how what you eat makes you feel sick to your stomach. Don't you realize that all that knee pain and hip pain, and getting sweaty and out of breath is really no fun...? You're not just fat, you're out of shape. You are not treating your body right, and pretty soon, it is going to give up on you.
But here's the thing, Uber. It's not going to be as hard as you think. You CAN do this. You just have to want to. You have to give up your secret fear that even skinny you may not be perfect. You have to realize that perfect is not necessary to lead a happy life.
When you get here, Uber, you will be amazed and delighted at what awaits you. You will be stunned to see how much life you can pack into every day.
THIS, Uber, will be the most amazing thing you've accomplished in all of your life. NOT because you are beautiful, amazing, and perfect now, but because you will realize that you have always held the ability to be the best you could be right in the palm of your hand.
The thread about writing a letter to our future selves made me think that I wanted to write a letter to my former self. Please, anyone feel free to join in.
Dear Uber,
I know you HATE weighing 295 pounds but I don't think you are being very honest with yourself. You know how you really don't clean the house properly anymore? It's because you are so heavy that it is hard to move around. You are a mom and you have four kids, but the way you are treating yourself right now, you do not have a very nice future. You keep whining about how you look, but baby, it's really not about that-- it's about how you feel. It's about how you are letting yourself get old and marginalized and giving up every single thing you love, one by one.
You know, the funny thing is, you don't actually look THAT bad-- sure, you're fat, but so are lots of other people. People are not judging you by your weight half as much as you are judging yourself. But you FEEL much worse than you realize. Drop that weight and you will be amazed at what you can accomplish. You'll still be pushing fifty, and have frizzy hair, and that same old horse face, just without so many chins.... but you will walk with a jaunt in your stride and you will look like you believe in yourself. Right now, you always act like you are half sorry to be in the way.
Let's face it. For years, the thought of losing weight was always your fantasy-- your Cinderella story. You were going to lose all the weight (ten pounds, then twenty, then fifty, then a hundred) and then all of a sudden, everything was going to be perfect.
Well, UBER, it's not like that. Nothing will ever be perfect. You will never look like Nicole Kidman. You're just a regular person-- no better and no worse than most.
But, Uber, you wouldn't treat your best friend the way you are treating yourself right now. Don't you notice how what you eat makes you feel sick to your stomach. Don't you realize that all that knee pain and hip pain, and getting sweaty and out of breath is really no fun...? You're not just fat, you're out of shape. You are not treating your body right, and pretty soon, it is going to give up on you.
But here's the thing, Uber. It's not going to be as hard as you think. You CAN do this. You just have to want to. You have to give up your secret fear that even skinny you may not be perfect. You have to realize that perfect is not necessary to lead a happy life.
When you get here, Uber, you will be amazed and delighted at what awaits you. You will be stunned to see how much life you can pack into every day.
THIS, Uber, will be the most amazing thing you've accomplished in all of your life. NOT because you are beautiful, amazing, and perfect now, but because you will realize that you have always held the ability to be the best you could be right in the palm of your hand.
Awesome! And the bold is a real eye opener for me! Great way to put it!
You used to be the beautiful girl with the hot bod that so many guys liked. But even then you thought you were a cow. The truth is that your weight isn't your biggest issue- your self esteem is. Unfortunately what happened to you when you were younger has affected you a lot more than you would like to believe. Once reality hit and depression set in you let food become your best friend. You have spent years climbing up in weight. You went from 140 all the way up to nearly 316lbs! You don't love yourself nor do you take care of yourself but you expect and want other people to care about you. You want a better life for your children but how can you give it to them when you are always so tired and sluggish from carrying around the weight of an extra person? You hate the camera so you have nothing but memories from the past decade, no beautiful photos of you and your husband and children. You do not even seem to exist.
It is time to get off of your butt (which is quite wide and large!) and become the you that you know you can be! Not only for the sake of yourself, but for the sake of your marriage, children and family.
Things will get better. They may not be perfect because nothing ever is. But they will for damn sure be a lot better than where they are now. Stop hiding your beauty behind all of that fat!
You too Justaloozer.. The part about having no pictures hits me. I don't have very many pictures of my daughter and me because I hate having my picture taken. I'm going to regret that even more then I do now when she gets older. =/
You used to be the beautiful girl with the hot bod that so many guys liked. But even then you thought you were a cow. The truth is that your weight isn't your biggest issue- your self esteem is. Unfortunately what happened to you when you were younger has affected you a lot more than you would like to believe. Once reality hit and depression set in you let food become your best friend. You have spent years climbing up in weight. You went from 140 all the way up to nearly 316lbs! You don't love yourself nor do you take care of yourself but you expect and want other people to care about you. You want a better life for your children but how can you give it to them when you are always so tired and sluggish from carrying around the weight of an extra person? You hate the camera so you have nothing but memories from the past decade, no beautiful photos of you and your husband and children. You do not even seem to exist.
It is time to get off of your butt (which is quite wide and large!) and become the you that you know you can be! Not only for the sake of yourself, but for the sake of your marriage, children and family.
Things will get better. They may not be perfect because nothing ever is. But they will for damn sure be a lot better than where they are now. Stop hiding your beauty behind all of that fat!
You don't know this yet, but everything's about to change. You're going to get a scale, get on it, and actually face the number. And you aren't going to like it. It's going to be worse than you hoped, but not as bad as you feared. It's going to suck. You will cry. But it could be worse, and it will be, if you don't get on that scale, so bear that in mind.
But the next day, you are going to get on that same scale, and see a smaller number. And, over time, and with persistence you don't yet know you have, you are going to carry on getting on that scale, and those numbers are going to keep falling. It's going to take a long time. You have a lot of weight to lose. You're going to find it isn't as hard as you think. Right now, you have vague hopes of just losing some weight. You're thinking that even fifty pounds lost would improve your quality of life, and you're right -- it did. And the second fifty lost improved it still more. And so on.
You are actually going to go the distance this time. I know you don't believe that, not really, although you really are determined to make things at least a little better, but trust me, YOU WILL. Sitting here now, I'm still shocked you made it, and you're now fretting over something as trivial as losing just a few more pounds, when you're well into the normal BMI category. You're bouncing around a little between about 156-158 at the moment, but it's bound to drop again soon, because you're sticking to your plan, and then, sweet pea, that will probably be it, and you'll be onto a new adventure in maintenance. You've tried that once successfully, so far, but decided you wanted to lose a little more, so went back to work on doing that. We're nearly done now, though. There's an actual possibility that you might think you're verging on being a bit too thin.
OK, I know your mind is officially blown, because I just told you that you're going to weigh in the 150s. Impossible, you think. Seriously, just getting into the mid-200s would seem like a miracle to you right now. It's not. It's going to be a lot of bloody hard work, sometimes, but you will never actually want to quit this time. And it will never be as hard as you thought it would be. At some point, very soon after you start, you're going to actually realise that you want this enough to do it. You're not sure where you're going to end up, but you'll figure it out as you go along.
You're really not going to care so much about the loose skin. Yes, you're going to look older, once the excess fat leaves your face, but you're not going to care about that much, either. There's going to be some hair loss, try not to let it freak you out too much. It'll grow back. Your life will not suddenly be perfect and wonderful, but let me tell you, you're going to LOVE being thin. It really is that fantastic. That part is never going to get old. When things do suck, you're going to chuckle to yourself and say, "well, at least I'm not miserable and fat, right? There's one less thing to be miserable about, so by definition, it's not as bad as it could be."
Dear Sam,
This is not the first time we have had this conversation, but it is going to be the last. You are going to understand this time that you are in control and that you have the power to change this thing that affects your every waking moment. You are about to understand that the food that has masked who you truly are is just that, a mask. You deserve to be the size you want to be, and to show the world what a truly attractive woman you are. You deserve to let go of the anger that has weighted you down for so long. The things that moulded your personality, do not have to be a negative influence, you can use them to positively help you. You do not need to be in denial anymore about how fat you are. Look in the mirror, stand on the scale and face it. 298 lbs is alot, but it's not insurmountable, you can do this, quickly, easily and without hunger. You don't have to deny yourself, starve yourself, or feel like you are missing out. You have to educate yourself, and learn about the things that make a difference.
Very soon you will be proud of your achievements and will know that the ultimate goal that you have always wanted (being slim, and "normal") is within your grasp.
Have courage my dear friend. Reach for the stars and beyond and be what you always wanted to be.
All my love, forever and always,
Sam
x
Here you are again, facing weight loss for what? The twentieth time? You have failed before. Own that. It doesn't matter now. You can't know this, but this is the time you get it figured out. All those 20 attempts that you call failures are really what are going to lead you down a road that brings success and even maintenance. You've learned a lot about yourself, about exercise and about diet and you learned it all by making a lot of mistakes.
You are about to have a lightbulb moment where you realize that you need to structure a program that fits you personally. You've realized you don't lose weight like "those other women". Who does really? You're unique and are going to require methods that will work for you. You're going to learn that this is going to take some time and you're going to give yourself that time. You're about to make a commitment that will see you lose almost 80 pounds in a year. During that year you're going to learn some new habits. You're going to learn about some new foods and you're going to learn that you are addicted to chocolate! And my dear, that isn't going to change.
Most of all though, you are going to learn to love yourself again and to respect yourself.
It isn't going to be easy. You're going to whine a lot at 3FC. And all your new internet friends are going to get stronger because they're going to have pick you up a lot. But before long, your voice will start picking them up too.
Oh, and you're about to surprise yourself by how much you like Spin class. It's going to blow your mind. And I bet you didn't know you were a runner. You are.
And Eliana, a year from now, you will be glad you started today!! And by the way, that's going to be your new motto.
Writing a letter to your former self.
