I just got my wake up call.
The Halloween candy came. I thought I could handle a piece or two a day. And I did, I did. Then yesterday my family went bowling. One son had a birthday party so they got pizza and cake. We decided to take our other son bowling with us and thought we'd treat him to pizza as well. He literally has no friends and gets very hurt/upset/down when his little brother gets invited to birthday parties. He breaks my heart. So anyway, we had pizza and I admit, I was very stressed because my personal life is in quite a bit of upheaval at the moment! I have been forced to do things that raise my anxiety levels as my husband has been disabled for the past few weeks. Long story short, I am a nervous wreck driving in places with which I am not familiar and come really close to panic attacks. I had to drive the family to this bowling alley I'd never been to in a very congested area (to me anyway) and I expected there to be a concession stand inside. There wasn't. So I had to either face going out into traffic again to find one by myself or to order one to be delivered. That's another anxiety trigger for me, talking on the phone. Then when paying for our bowling game, we found out they only take cash. There were 30 people in line behind us and they all had to wait on us while we tried to get money out of the ATM. My husband (who's mind is not working right) entered the wrong pin number which took us even longer and you guessed it!! Making people wait on me is yet another anxiety trigger!!
So...I was really, really stressed out by the time the pizza came. I honestly didn't over do it. I ate one and a half pieces, no crust, and two small cheese sticks. But it brought on heart burn and guilt.
I went home and ran four miles. Felt great!
But just now, the day after...I bought chocolate chips for making Christmas cookies. I don't know what put me in the mood to make them, but I was in the mood for it. I need a little cheer in my life I think. I told the family, "Do not eat these. They're for baking."
So what do I do? I eat three (THREE) handfuls.
All this to say...I guess the white knuckling starts again tomorrow. I know I need to get three days of clean eating (no chocolate or other crap) under my belt and then these cravings will end. I know this! But getting those three days is really, really hard. And this time of year, it seems I'm going to be repeating the three day cycle again and again and again.
Phew! Felt good to get that off my chest. I have way too much on my plate at the moment, literally and figuratively.