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Old 11-06-2010, 06:06 AM   #1
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I was in a mall cafeteria on Thursday with a friend. She's very good hearted and kind and I do like her but I do sometimes struggle with the way she expresses her insecurities.

For example, many years ago when she was in the profession I'm in now but I was not, I remember being in a Bible study class with her. I think someone must have said how well she was getting things across and her reply was, 'Well, I'm ordinary, I speak ordinary. People who have degrees have no idea how to talk to real people'. - knowing full well, if she'd thought of it, that I have a degree and am perfectly grounded, thankyou.
And
She never comments positively on my weightloss. When I lost a lot a few years ago, the only thing she said was, 'Don't go too low, you're looking gaunt' - when actually, the problem was that for the first time ever I was taking the same dress size as her.

When we have a lunch, I will silently assess what's on offer and make my choice. She yells down the queue at me, "Now what is there here that *I* can eat?", in a way that makes me want to dunk her in the (high calorie) soup.....

So this time we approached the sandwich bar. I don't eat much bread but once a flood is OK.
She: "We could split a Christmas turkey baguette."
Me: "Fine, that'd be good."
She: "We could split one."
Me: "Yea, great."
She: "I mean, HALF of one is MORE than plenty for MMEE."
Me: "Yup, me too."
She: "And we can split the chips (home fries)."
Me: "No chips for me, thanks."
She: "You've Got to have chips."
Me: "No thanks."
Food bought, arrives at table.
She: "Do you want salt on your chips?"
Me: "I don't want Any chips, thanks."
She: "Have some chips."
Me: "No."
She: "(Sighs) boring."
Me: "-"

Why are some people so threatened by our healthy eating choices?

I'll tell you what though, she did me a huge favour. The chips when they arrived were glistening, real potato, crisp and golden. The hunched together in the bowl and sang my name in 4-part harmony.... but by the time I'd said no 77 times, there was no way I could have any!
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Old 11-06-2010, 08:04 AM   #2
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Good for you, Rosinante!

Sometimes it seems like it's best to view other people as the unusual life forms they are, sort of like a biologist would observe some strange new creature. "Huh. Look at what it just said/did." Takes some of the pressure out of it.

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Old 11-06-2010, 09:37 AM   #3
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You should bake cookies, tell her you love baking, couldn't have any, and thought of her.

Good for you on skipping the fries
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Old 11-06-2010, 11:34 AM   #4
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Quote:
Why are some people so threatened by our healthy eating choices?
We all know where her head is at! Some people want to assert themselves and attempt to control other people. It makes them feel powerful especially if they are feeling powerless in other areas of their life.

You can't change her but you can change how you deal with her. One of the ways I try to deal with this is to say my tummy is feeling a little touchy today and I don't want to push it. Even though she would like to push you into a bad food choice, most 'friends' will not want to push you into a puking incident.
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Old 11-06-2010, 11:49 AM   #5
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People can be really weird and
rude sometimes.

My friend, who I love dearly and
would do anything for, can sometimes
be intimidated by my weight loss.

Well I refuse to eat the school
lunches. They're cheap, nasty,
and very unhealthy.

One day I forgot to bring in something
for lunch, and I didn't want to buy
something from the school, so I decided
just not to eat.

One of my other friends asked if
I had any food and I said no.

Well my very good friend said,
"Oh, you're just starving yourself."

Really? REALLY? What a rude thing
to say, let alone around everyone.

I congratulate you for staying on
plan and not giving in.
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Old 11-06-2010, 12:01 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosinante View Post
They hunched together in the bowl and sang my name in 4-part harmony....
I love this image and I am totally stealing it from you.

Good job sticking to your guns. I love what you said about assessing the menu and making your choice, silently, without making a loud fuss or being a huge dramasaurus about your dietary restrictions. It's something I strive for too, and I do wish more people would do this.
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Old 11-06-2010, 12:34 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosinante View Post
I was in a mall cafeteria on Thursday with a friend. She's very good hearted and kind and I do like her but I do sometimes struggle with the way she expresses her insecurities.

For example, many years ago when she was in the profession I'm in now but I was not, I remember being in a Bible study class with her. I think someone must have said how well she was getting things across and her reply was, 'Well, I'm ordinary, I speak ordinary. People who have degrees have no idea how to talk to real people'. - knowing full well, if she'd thought of it, that I have a degree and am perfectly grounded, thankyou.
And
She never comments positively on my weightloss. When I lost a lot a few years ago, the only thing she said was, 'Don't go too low, you're looking gaunt' - when actually, the problem was that for the first time ever I was taking the same dress size as her.

When we have a lunch, I will silently assess what's on offer and make my choice. She yells down the queue at me, "Now what is there here that *I* can eat?", in a way that makes me want to dunk her in the (high calorie) soup.....

So this time we approached the sandwich bar. I don't eat much bread but once a flood is OK.
She: "We could split a Christmas turkey baguette."
Me: "Fine, that'd be good."
She: "We could split one."
Me: "Yea, great."
She: "I mean, HALF of one is MORE than plenty for MMEE."
Me: "Yup, me too."
She: "And we can split the chips (home fries)."
Me: "No chips for me, thanks."
She: "You've Got to have chips."
Me: "No thanks."
Food bought, arrives at table.
She: "Do you want salt on your chips?"
Me: "I don't want Any chips, thanks."
She: "Have some chips."
Me: "No."
She: "(Sighs) boring."
Me: "-"

Why are some people so threatened by our healthy eating choices?

I'll tell you what though, she did me a huge favour. The chips when they arrived were glistening, real potato, crisp and golden. The hunched together in the bowl and sang my name in 4-part harmony.... but by the time I'd said no 77 times, there was no way I could have any!
Love your description of the potatoes.Congratulations for not giving in !
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Old 11-06-2010, 12:53 PM   #8
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Dramasaurus!!!! I am so stealing that!

Thanks guys - and thanks for not telling me to go and get new friends. OK, she's not perfect but then, neither am I (well.....)
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Old 11-06-2010, 01:44 PM   #9
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Congrats for passing on the fries (although, after reading your description, I'm now truly craving some)! Sounds like she just needs some time to adjust to the healthier you!
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Old 11-06-2010, 01:47 PM   #10
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Sometimes I really, really love 3FC.
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Last edited by calluna : 11-06-2010 at 01:48 PM.
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Old 11-06-2010, 02:09 PM   #11
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I hate people who are like that. Why can't they just be happy for us?!?! Are they that insecure that they only felt good when we looked/felt bad about ourselves?! terrible!
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Old 11-06-2010, 02:41 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JayEll View Post
Sometimes it seems like it's best to view other people as the unusual life forms they are, sort of like a biologist would observe some strange new creature. "Huh. Look at what it just said/did."
I love this!!

Every once in a while, I get the urge to look quizzically at people and say "Ummm sweetie....Do you realize that you just said out loud?"
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