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Tactless "Compliments"

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Old 10-12-2010, 09:25 PM   #1
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Default Tactless "Compliments"

Yesterday I visited my special ed school for the first time since I lost weight. Japanese people are always quick to point out weight gains/losses and they're not always so tactful about it. At least 5 people said "oh you became pretty" or "you became cute" (literal translations) and rather than feeling pleased I felt all indignant, like "what, I was an invisible homely whale before?!"

I'm sure a lot of folks have these kinds of stories about people who mean well but insult you in the process. I'd like to hear yours!
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Old 10-12-2010, 09:36 PM   #2
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Another time when I lost about 50 lbs. I had a co-worker who would tell complete strangers including clients how much weight I had lost. Everyone just looked at her funny.
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Old 10-12-2010, 09:57 PM   #3
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My grandmother does this all the time! She tries to compliment me by saying "black makes you look slimmer" or "when you wear longer t-shirts it covers your belly and makes you look skinny!"

-_-

She's 91, so I let it slide
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Old 10-12-2010, 10:04 PM   #4
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My FAMILY.

They are soooo bad! When I was 9 months pregnant with my son, they kept pestering me for pics of me and my belly. I hadn't shown anyone any because I knew they would make comments about how "big" I was. I lived 800 miles away, so none of them had seen me pregnant. One night, after my grandma practically begged for me to show her, I let her see one on IM. The first comment was, "OMG!! YOU GOT FAT!!

Then after I had him, I wore a thing that went around my belly to help the skin go back down, and they teased me for wearing a "girdle" and said I should just lose the weight.
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Old 10-12-2010, 10:21 PM   #5
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Its not really a compliment, but I find it sort of tactless when someone asks me specifcally how much weight I've lost. I usually say something like "I've been losing weight slowly over the past few years", etc.

Once or twice I did get the compliment "you are looking really good now" and I thought "so I was a ginormous ugly beast previously?".
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Old 10-13-2010, 03:02 AM   #6
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Just last Sunday: I was telling one of the congregation who was to be on duty where the new service booklets were. She suddenly said, "Rev'd Rosinante, what wrong with you?" I thought at first she meant she Knew where the booklets were but then she said, "What wrong with you? Your face gone all thin". (Trying to do the West Indian accent here).
I explained that it was on purpose, that I'd lost about 3 stone since May.
"Oh", she said. "I wondered. I noticed but I didn't want to say anything....."

I was happy, though.
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Old 10-13-2010, 03:56 AM   #7
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My tactless uncle, told me after I had lost about 80lbs, that I finally looked pretty enough to find a husband... imagine the shock when I told him I didn´t think marriage was for me...

And this is also the uncle that on my 26th birthday told me "You´re becoming a spinster, oh and happy birthday by the way". Lovely.
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Old 10-13-2010, 06:36 AM   #8
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"Great" stories everyone!! It's amazing how tactless people can be at times, huh?

carol - that uncle of yours... WOW.

I only have a funny story that still cracks me up.
When I was on babysitting, the kid and I were laying on the bed reading and she suddenly goes (in total kid-honesty):
"You know, you're not that fat when you're laying down"

I seriously was laughing b/c she was 6 and totally didn't mean it in a bad way . I also had one of my babysit-kids tell me once that snuggling with me was nicer than with her mom b/c I was "nice and squishy"
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Old 10-13-2010, 07:54 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JessLess View Post
Another time when I lost about 50 lbs. I had a co-worker who would tell complete strangers including clients how much weight I had lost. Everyone just looked at her funny.
My mother did this many times while we were on vacation last year. I finally told her to stop. Strangers do not care, nor should they, about my weight loss.
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Old 10-13-2010, 08:21 AM   #10
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I second Matt H. I find it extremely rude when people ask how many pounds I have lost. I just brush it off and say, well I still have a ways to go, or something like that.
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Old 10-13-2010, 08:23 AM   #11
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My worst was when my mom felt the need to add, "Now we just need to add a little color to your face. Blush? Do you know how to apply blush?"

I'm 36 years old mom!
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Old 10-13-2010, 08:25 AM   #12
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Hey, Eliana - I'm 55 and I still can't get my lipstick to please my mother!
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Old 10-13-2010, 08:53 AM   #13
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I have had some pretty tactless comments.

* You have lost a lot of weight. Are you sick?

* You have lost a TON of weight. (Not quite a TON, I tell myself that this is ignorance, not knowing that a ton is over 2,000 pounds)

* You have gone down several sizes. What size did you wear before and what size do you wear now? - My answer "Bigger than I wanted and not as small as I plan to wear", my version of "none of your business"

I tried to be gracious with those comments which is easier with some than others. I hate having people ask me how much weight I have lost and what size clothes I wear.

I had someone say to me yesterday, "You look like you have lost weight. Have you?" I surprised myself because my impulse was to say, "Yes, I have lost over 100 pounds and you are just now noticing!" but I was nice and just said, "Yes".
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Old 10-13-2010, 09:41 AM   #14
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Wait, SERIOUSLY? People ask your clothing sizes? And here I thought Americans were much more delicate about talking about weight than Japanese people, haha.
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Old 10-13-2010, 10:17 AM   #15
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I have people ask my clothing size all the time. For the most part, it is friends who think that they are close enough to me to ask but sometimes, it is acquaintances. I had a female security person ask me last week, "You look like you are down to a size 12 or 14 now? (question in her tone of voice)" I just smiled because I don't have to answer that kind of thing.

What really freaks me out is when someone that I don't know, and may have never even noticed, says something to me about my weight loss. That happens about twice a week now. I will be walking across campus and meet someone I don't remember and they will say something about my weight loss. It lets me know that people are watching.........
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