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90% of the time I love you all, but....

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Old 09-24-2010, 07:51 PM   #1
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Default 90% of the time I love you all, but....

about 10% of the time, I get so frustrated feeling like everyone is losing weight but me I love the support, seeing the successes, and getting answers to questions, but does anyone else find others' success frustrating when their own scale is refusing to move...? I know it's part of weight loss and all, to have your ups and downs, and I know my scale will move eventually, but right now - Frustrated~

I realize this says horrible things about me as a person - self centered, narcissistic, and all that, but still
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Old 09-24-2010, 08:24 PM   #2
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Yes, in the beginning, yes, yes, yes. But pay close attention to those of use who have lost significant amounts and/or are close to goal. Our poundage chickies (avatars) don't change often...at all. We've just been doing it longer...not faster. I promise. Yes, there are some speedy losers out there. I'm envious of them too! But here I am ten months in and down 70 pounds and I'm thrilled. In the end, it doesn't matter how long it takes, so long as it comes OFF!
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Old 09-24-2010, 08:31 PM   #3
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i think how you feel is completely normal. all summer my scale was stuck after losing 30# fairly quickly. i knew that it would be harder in the summer, bc kids are out of school. but i thought i would lose, but i didnt. but i found i could maintain at a wt i havent been at in several yrs. eventually i stopped expecting the scale to move. maybe you can concentrate on other fitness goals? or other goals in your life. trying new activities. enjoying life.
i worked on consistently exercising, about a month at least some movement. sometimes it was crunches before bed. sometimes an intense w/o. those are what i prefer.
i also listened to IOWL podcasts. working mentally on myself. that helped alot.
most recently i joined a no binging challenge on this site. i've never counted before, but its been 19 days. so thats good. and on another forum i do a daily check in reporting my w/o, and if something interesting happened that day, encouraging the others.
after my month of consistently moving, i got really sick, but i exercised when i could. for the first time in many yrs i actually thought about exercising when i was sick.
i'm better now. last 2 weeks i've been losing. most of all i feel motivated bc i got past the WALL. for years my wt was 215. then i got up to 230. lost 15 last march. later lost another 10. then another 5. then i was stuck at 200, the lowest wt my kids can remember, my oldest is 9. i've basically been that wt or more his whole life. now i'm past it, and close to being 'over weight' officially. mentally i feel good about myself, maybe the best i've ever felt.

i dont tell you this bc its another success story. i tell you bc i was you a few weeks ago. i'm sure you can find what works for you. find the acceptance to love yourself, and if you already do, then great! if you are already doing everything right, then celebrate that. each day you didnt give in, but made healthy choices is a success. and plateu is practice for maintainance. renee stephens says its a gift. i'm not sure i agree with that, but it is practice for maintenance. hope this helps.
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Old 09-24-2010, 08:37 PM   #4
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actually.

when i was closer to 180 about 5 yrs back i was super active on a similar forum (cat recall name), and because i got so discouraged about my lack of progress i stopped posting and visiting.

i lost the momentum for a long time. but more importantly, as i recently realized, i lost a valuable community that could understand me.

in real life i dont know a single person that shares my struggle or could be in the 100lb club. here in a matter of days i have found so many and truly value each and every one.

it is completely normal to feel the way you do, but i hope you stick around anyway!
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Old 09-24-2010, 09:09 PM   #5
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You're not horrible, you're human, but you should know that you're not alone.

I don't like comparing weight loss to a race, but the analogy is too true to ignore. When you're running in a marathon, you can only see the people ahead of you - if you look back you fall. As a result, you always feel like you're in last place, or very close to it. Even if you're in the top 10% you see the 1,000 people ahead of you, not the 9,000 behind you.

You also don't ever know the truth behind the "successes" you're seeing. You could look at my ticker and say "Wow, she's lost 85 lbs, and I've lost only 10," but do you know it's taken me 4 years to lose those 85 lbs? Do you know that I've been working at weight loss (failing more than succeeding during most of it) for the better part of the last 39 years (since I was 5 years old)?

You only see the success stories, because you're only looking at the people who you think are "ahead." If you looked for them, you'd find more people behind you than ahead of you. Some of those people are hiding in plain sight (but you wouldn't know it, because you don't check out other people's tickers that way - you don't say "Hey that person hasn't lost any weight at all in the last 11 months." Others are camouflaged because they don't use a ticker, and still others just disappear because they lost heart and quit in frustration.

The statistics are grim - most people attempting weight loss give up. What the statistics don't tell us, but I firmly believe is true is that most people give up not because they are failing, but because they feel that they are - they aren't succeeding quickly or dramtically enough. I know that's been true of myself for all of my previous decades of weight loss attempts. I didn't give up because I had stopped losing, I gave up because I was losing too slow and I started thinking "What's the use, I'm never going to win this thing?"

The biggest difference in "this attempt" (the one that's far exceeded any previous attempt both in quantity of weight loss and duration of effort - though it's come at the expense of speed) has been my decision not to view lack of impressive progrss as the same as failure. In the past, I didn't see any difference between a week without weight loss and a weight gain. Both were just as much a failure, and both led me into thinking "what's the use, this just isn't worth the effort."

As long as I don't backtrack (gain) I am not failing. I am succeeding in a way I never have before, just because I've refused to throw up my hands in frustration and self-fulfilling defeat.

I know how frustrating it is to see all those people up ahead, but you've got to remember how many are behind you. Unlike a marathon, everyone can be a winner as long as they continue their personal race, not just the race against everyone else. In fact, comparing yourself to the people around you, can throw you off, because this isn't a race, it's a battle - and it's not a battle with the people around you, it's a battle with your own body. Of course it can feel like failing no matter what you do, because the battle is with parts of yourself, no matter how you cut it part of you loses. If you "win" at the weight loss, the part of you that wants to eat whatever and whenever you feel like it without worrying about weight, loses. If you let the hungry part of you win, the healthy you loses.

Trying to forge a peace treaty with yourself is no easy task. Hang in there, though there are far more people in your shoes than you will ever know. And there are far more people envying your spot that you will ever know as well, because some people are already looking at you and saying "I wish I could do that (lose 10 lbs)."
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Old 09-24-2010, 10:11 PM   #6
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Thanks so much for all the amazing words of encouragement! The positives of this community soooo far outweigh any of my ridiculous little pity-party moments. Still planning to continue on my weight loss journey as well as continue posting here - I've been down the weight loss road many times, as have so many people here, but this is the main thing I'm actually doing differently this time. Usually, when I'm attempting to eat healthier, workout, or make other lifestyle changes, I tend to keep everything to myself. By announcing diet or exercise plans to friends and coworkers, I feel embarrassed...perhaps because previous history tells me I'll fail. So this time, I found this online support community, and I already find myself looking forward to reading people's posts or adding in bits of my own. My hardest time of the day is always when I get home after work. Work exhausts me, and I've had a tough time breaking the habit of chowing down when I get home. I've been developing a habit of coming on here instead, and it really seems to help (excluding the rare, above mentioned, tantrums). I've only been a member for a week and half, and I'm really looking forward to getting a little ticker I can put in my signature area. Thanks again for all the support
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Old 09-25-2010, 12:07 AM   #7
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That doesn't make you a bad person. It is normal to have those feelings when you are feeling discouraged. I've felt the same way many times throughout the process.
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Old 09-25-2010, 12:43 AM   #8
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thats whats different for me too. i realized i needed forums for expressing/discussion, but now i've made online friends that i feel i know personally. i dont have friends in real life, my family tries to help, but theres not much they can do-the kids and dh. they sure cant stand me talking about fitness ect 24/7. when i'm having a great or terrible time those online friends and these forums get it. they know how tough it is to get through a certain cathe w/o. and sometimes its a struggle not to eat the entire fridge. knowing i'm not alone, even though my family cant relate really helps. and reading blogs about wt loss journeys. being accountable is really important too. thats also new for me.
also, i've spent yrs focusing on the 'right' healthy foods. always talking about food side, with little thought to exercise. i dont hate it, but wasnt even close to consistent.
now that focus is reversed. focusing on my food too much makes me want to eat. all that you need this and this, blah, blah. no. fiber is really important, hard for me to be satisfied w/o it. but when theres no more healthy food left i can deal. the focus has to be on exercise. sometimes i count those cal, but totalling my food for the whole day, planning it out drives me bonkers. i read labels. try to limit the fat to reasonable levels. cheese is still difficult sometimes its better not to have any, bc i want it to cover the plate.

i havent been a yo-yo dieter. havent been trying every diet. hardly any really. no commercial ones. but i always taljed about losing, so now finally theres action in the long term. about 6 mo. i guess. i was on my way to morbidly obese. thank goodness dh kicked me in the butt, kick started me and we got started with the wii fit. i guess i've out grown it now. if it werent for dh, i might weigh 250 right now. 20# more than my highest wt.
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Old 09-25-2010, 01:21 AM   #9
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Totally Normal!! Sometimes I feel the same way.
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Old 09-25-2010, 01:31 AM   #10
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Yeah, I agree with everyone else. Its a normal feeling. Sometimes it just seems like everything is moving around you and you are standing still. I find dieting painfully hard, and I know that I have some physical challenges, so I can't lose as fast as some others, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't love to! I have decided to move slowly and surely towards my goals and take every pound off as a blessing
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Old 09-25-2010, 02:00 AM   #11
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I do know how you feel--been there. My experience is that lots of people have feelings like that, and it's people who are ashamed to "own" their feelings who are more likely to lash out or turn passive-aggressive.

FYI, I weighed 260 on December 29, 2008 when I started this journey, When I started previous diets, I usually lost 5-6 pounds in the first week. This time, I lost just 2 pounds in the first week--wasn't sure whether to be discouraged or not. As it turns out, I lost exactly 2 pounds a week for my first 15 weeks. My pace slowed down after that.

I think I'm going to be at 153 for this Monday's weigh in, which will make a loss of 107 pounds in 1 year and 9 months. Just like the straws on the camel's back, the small amounts add up--you just have to stick to it.

Try not to be discouraged!
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Old 09-25-2010, 05:29 AM   #12
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I've taken to looking up some of my favorite members who have lost all their weight and are living in maintenance, and reading their past threads. I find the threads that they start themselves and see their struggles and successes. It's helpful for me to know that this journey towards good health and a fit body is going to be a lifetime challenge and that others also have to daily live up to their challenges.
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Old 09-25-2010, 10:24 AM   #13
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I feel the same way sometimes too. I see people that started the same time as me that have lost way more than I have since January. We all lose weight at a different pace, and it is hard to not compare our progress against others.

Just keep going. Even if you lose a pound a week, instead of the two pounds per week that many seem to strive for, that is still a huge loss that has huge benefits for your health.

I don't care if it takes me three years, this weight is coming off! Just keep going and we will get there!
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Old 09-25-2010, 01:35 PM   #14
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It is a lot easier to get online to post successes. It take the courageous to get on line and put in writinf the failures. I know I fall off the wagon and lose all my momentum regularly. Good for you for acknowledging it.
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Old 09-25-2010, 04:10 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kaplods View Post
In the past, I didn't see any difference between a week without weight loss and a weight gain. Both were just as much a failure, and both led me into thinking "what's the use, this just isn't worth the effort."
THIS.

I can't believe it's taken me this long to realize it, but Kaplods is absolutely right. Every other time I've failed to continue a plan, it hasn't been because it isn't working... it's because it hadn't been working fast enough for me. I even had fancy spreadsheets projecting how much I would lose in six months if I kept to 3 pounds a week, or 2 pounds a week. When I compared my measly weekly losses against this impossible projection, I felt a total failure.

This time, I'm sitting back and settling in for the long haul. My "official" weigh in and measurements are taken once a month, and when I look at that chart (rather than the up and down of daily or weekly fluctuations), all I see is a slow, steady downward trend. I need that.

But more importantly, I'm internalizing the HABITS of my plan. They are my goals each day. The number on the scale is a by-product of that plan, but it's not the goal itself. That's the other real difference in this go-'round for me.
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