Center of attention
 

So, I'm kind of new to posting (actually this is the first time) but everyone seems so encouraging, I thought I might...rant, I guess.
I'm a student in college, second year but it's my first at this big of a university. My roommate, who has also been my best friend since high school, has recently joined a sorority. Great...I get to do all the fun stuff without paying (may favorite :D) Last night was an auction-fundraiser for frat boys. It was a really good time, let me tell you. Until, that is, attention started being paid to me. Now, I wasn't the only one who got attention nor was I the only one who is "bigger" than your average sorority girl. But, I just couldn't escape the feeling that the only reason I was getting attention was for my size. It was like I felt like I was being mocked or something. I really don't think that's what it was...but that's where I went. Automatically "they're making fun of me..." so I would turn and try to hide (not so easy when your on the end of a row...the easiest to get to). I was so uncomfortable, but I couldn't let it show as to why.
I've lost almost 20 lbs already, not close to where I need to be but really good, and I'm proud of myself, but I'm still in that frame of mind, and it's really frustrating :(
*sigh* anyone else feel like this sometimes?

Thanks for reading my rant! I kind of feel like a big baby, but it really helped to post.

Hi dreamerchick

I feel like that too sometimes. I must say I have been pretty fortunate to not have had a ton of experiences like that, or like other people describe (being picked on or teased) I was never big as a kid, although my parents told me I was, so I think I just kind of developed blinders to the whole situation yanno?

You have lost 20lbs that is an amazing accomplishment! You should be proud of yourself! I think though that sometimes we forget that everyone does not know that. We do not have a sign that flashes over our head that says "X amount of pounds lost". (unfortunately LOL)

But you are right, it is sometimes good to just write it out and vent about it. Since you yourself doubt that it was because of your size, then it probably wasn't. The fact that you can say that and mean it is a sign of change! Good job. And you are not a big baby!

YES! Sometimes when a guy flirts with me I don't seem to understand I'm being flirted with- silly isn't it?

I know what you mean, I never take anything lightly. My mind automatically twists it to think "omg is this a jab at my weight?" because I'm self-conscious. That's why I want to start losing weight, to be more comfortable with myself. I know it won't really start to register for a long time, and I won't really be able to see the difference in size, but I'm slowly learning to love my body more and more. I don't want to go through the rest of my life this paranoid!

thanks you guys!! It is really encouraging to know that I'm not the only one who has this problem. I am super proud of myself for losing that, considering I've done nothing but gain for years. :D I wish I knew you guys in real life (lol).
Your comments really have helped and it's good to know I have somewhere to go when I'm feeling down. Congrats to all you guys too!!
We can do this :D

Some guys like girls when they are heavy or skinny. That's when you know they truely are looking at YOU and not your weight. My daughter is in college and she has lost 605lbs and she gets alot more attention now but she still got alot when she was heavy.

You are right Terre.
There are guys (and girls) out there that have preferences both ways, and some people just see the person inside and do not really care about the outside. The trick to attracting people to you is to be confident and secure in yourself. If you do that, then you will never have a problem having the right kind of people around you.

Sometimes.

I once read an article about how guys go out and make bets with each other who can sleep with the fattest chick they find and then brag about it to their other guy friends. *shudder* That article truly ruined it for me..... I've always been one of those bigger girls that don't usually have a hard time finding a guy that'll flirt with her or whatever when she's out... but since then, it's always been in the back of my mind "What if this guy is just doing this on some crazy bet or something??"

*sigh*

Sad, huh?

Well yes I am sure that is true. I am sure that there are pigs out there just as sure as I am breathing. However, those guys are looking to score with girls who will sleep around without much thought for themselves. One night stands are about feeling low and bad about yourself most of the time.

I have always been one of those girls too, always had a boyfriend, always had tons of people around me laughing and having a good time. I am a huge flirt and I have never (until recently) felt bad about myself.

I think that the guys who are in it because they want to get laid, are not going to stick around if the girls do not "give it up" right away. And in my experience, girls who usually do that, are not feeling very confident. They tend to equate love with sex. Know what I mean?

If you are feeling good and confident about your body and about yourself, you are not usually going to attract those kinds of guys. Granted they may come around because of the size or look, but once they catch a drift that they are not getting anywhere they will go on to some other girl. Lets face it girls, guys are pigs. There is no different than a guy coming to talk to us because we are big and he has a "bet" then the guys who have a bet to see who can get the girl with the biggest boobs, or blond hair.