I'm new to posting, but am a habitual lurker around these parts.
Most of my life I've lived around the 170 mark (excluding childhood)...I always felt enormous, but when I look back on photos I actually look pretty healthy at that weight and it kills me that I've let it get this far out of control. I got married 6 years ago and over the course of the first two years the lovely combination of Depo and fast food led me to the 240'ish range. I got down to 220 lbs. and stayed around that weight for a couple of years. Within the last year I piled on an extra 30 pounds. For some odd reason I've been in size 22 since I've been in the 220s. Weird.
Anyway, something finally clicked...I realized I was going to be 30 in August and I refuse to be fat on my 30th birthday. So I spent a month and a half gradually cutting back on fast food and sodas until I was ready to cut them out completely. I started a food journal and keep my calories around 1200 to 1500 and really started losing weight. I've been journaling (i.e. seriously changing) for 4 weeks and I've lost nearly 10 pounds. I have goals and intend to be my high school weight of 150 by my birthday in August. Ultimately I want to be smaller, but I think 150 is a reasonable first goal.
Last night I had my husband take some photographs as semi-before images so that when I reach goal I can post here and hopefully inspire others. But the problem is...I'm devastated. I had no idea I was so huge and disgusting. Now, it is TOM so it could be adding to my state of mind, but I'm having a really difficult time. I'm one of those who is obsessed with the idea of loose skin...it has literally stopped me from moving forward in the past. I know everyone says it's better than being obese, and I agree...but, I don't know. I just cannot get the idea out of mind--especially now that I've seen what I really look like. I'm not going to let this loose skin fear stop me, but I'm having a really hard time. I could deal with a tummy tuck and boob job, but not a lower body lift or the arm skin thing.......This is coming off as completely whiny and stupid, I know, and it's a **** of a way to introduce myself. I'm just feeling so down and hopeless right now.