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Frustrated-----with myself. Sabotage and other ramblings

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Old 09-13-2010, 09:08 PM   #1
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Default Frustrated-----with myself. Sabotage and other ramblings

I get so angry at myself. I want nothing more than to be healthy, but as someone who is extremely shy, and reserved, as soon as I start getting compliments, or notice more than just a passing glance from men, I get really nervous, and end up sabotaging my hard work. I'm at the gym 5 days a week, for 90+ min, so it really is hard work, I feel good while working out, and even get some help from a guy who works there on tips and such. I leave thinking "I feel great! I need to keep this up" I leave and get oggling glances or a comment that make me uneasy, ( not from the gym, just everyday walking around stuff )and I end up eating an ice cream cone, or something else to erase what I've done.

Yes, I realize this sounds crazy, but after spending most of my teenage years, and all of my 20's being well over 200 pounds, never getting a 2nd glance from men, always being the friend vs the girlfriend, it is uneasy for me to get that kind of attention.

So, I sabotage myself? Ugh. Makes me so mad! Rarely, if ever when I indulge on something, do I think it was worth it. In fact, most of the time, I feel worse about myself. Physically and emotionally.

I know, I'm sure some might think, get a grip, guys are paying attention to you. It's what you've wanted in the past. I know I thought about it with others who would complain, but when it's actually happening, it's quite scary to someone like myself, who never had that kind of attention before.

I noticed I started feeling this way much more once I hit the 180's. My first huge milestone was getting into the 100's which I reached in June 2009. My next real big milestone will be to reach 178. I'm seriously hoping I can do this by my 32nd birthday, which is in Dec.

I just need to learn to stop sabotaging myself, and not pay attention to unwanted attention. Focus on MY goals, and wrap myself in a bubble of goals if I have to. It's just hard sometimes.


Thanks for letting me vent my feeling of the day.
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Old 09-13-2010, 09:14 PM   #2
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It's safe to say, I have a hard time with compliments. I have no doubts that I an looking better, and that I'm even pretty ( as I've been told ) but when I hear it out loud I think "why" "what do they see" It's like I have two sides of myself, the one I am now, who has a new body, and loves her her curves, and can't wait to see what my body will transform into next, and then the girl who at her known highest was 278 pounds, and could barely look anyone in the eye.
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Old 09-13-2010, 09:33 PM   #3
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Hey there. First of all - congratulations on your AMAZING success to date. I so admire your progress and find it very motivational! As you continue to move forward, don't forget the success you have already had.

This is probably much harder than it sounds, but try to remember that while compliments are nice -- you are loosing weight for yourself and not for others. Focus on how good it makes YOU feel and use that as your motivation.

Enjoy the better health that all the hard work has gotten you!

And btw, love the tag line.

Good luck!
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Old 09-13-2010, 09:45 PM   #4
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Long-term weight loss comes only when you're forced to do some soul-searching. Being shy may be part of it but I'm not hearing about the attention from women that you've been getting or the fact that generally, we draw attention TO ourselves by being overweight. Being average means blending into a crowd.

So, perhaps you might want to journal about what are your anxiety issues around getting attention from men. Is it that you're more likely to be approached? Is it that you've had your heartbroken in the past and you're not ready for that kind of attention again? Is it that you don't know how to be the girl in this body?

My friend always had a big butt. A nice round booty that she lovingly made fun of and she always dated guys that liked her butt. When she lost weight, she lost her booty. She didn't know how to be the girl without the large booty. She had an extreme identity crisis because "booty girl" was her persona. Losing it was a big deal. So she did some soul searching and found that being defined by that characteristic was not HER, just a facet of who she was.

Yes, it's normal. No, it's not going to go away without working at it.
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Old 09-14-2010, 09:15 AM   #5
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I actually know how you feel because I feel the same way! I have only lost like 65 so far but i have already had instinces were i feel uncomfortable around guys. I am not sure what my problem is either...although like the others said...its probably some deep rooted issue.
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Old 09-14-2010, 10:48 AM   #6
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I have similar feelings about attention from men, although I am an old, married woman now so comments are few and far between (thank God). My issues stem from an incident with a man when I was just a child. Is it possible that something like this happened to you? Maybe couselling would be beneficial. Just someone neutral to talk to and explore these issues.

You have come so far, and I truly commend you on your progress.
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Old 09-21-2010, 12:05 PM   #7
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Thanks for the replies you guys.

Jessica-compliments from women rarely make me as uncomfortable as ones from men. I think on some level I view them as unnatural since fir most of my life, I didn't reciece any, so I almost view them as "really, you think that about me? Why?" It's an awful way to view myself, I realize that, but yes, I have a huge fear of even getting approached.

Judy, I can't recall any uncomfortable instances when I was younger that would cause these feelings. Just that whenever I tried to show interest in high school, I was turned down b/c of my weight. In my 20's, guys paid me zero attention, other than "you're such a good friend" I think it's all I know how to be.

I've had people try and set me up, or mention they have someone in mind they think I should meet, the simple mention, makes me very uneasy and anxious. I just say thank you, but I'm working on myself right now.

I DO want to find someone, I'm just not sure I ever can get past the feeling of not knowing how to be anything but "the friend" How do I change 17 years of conditioning myself that nobody can view me in a romantic way.
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Old 09-21-2010, 01:10 PM   #8
 
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I know EXACTLY how you feel.

When I was younger and in high school, I was thin, and beautiful. I was used to the attention and I loved it. Then I became more introverted and starting gaining weight, and over the years I become used to being invisible.

Now that's starting to change for me too, and I do the same thing you do. I know it's what I wanted, I mean, I am not losing the weight because I want to attract other people, I am doing it for me, but I'd be lying if I said that it didn't have something to do with it.

As a result of this attitude I've paused my weight loss for about a month now, but as of today it's over.

I got so used to being overweight and being never considered as a girlfriend just like you, and now that people are looking at me differently, it's hard.

Just keep pushing through, remind yourself that you want this for you, and you'll start to feel more secure. At least I hope, because I'm counting on that.


Edit:
I want to add, that now that I'm at this weight and men tell me I look good, especially someone I'm interested in, I just can't believe them. Because of my weight I've managed to convince myself that I"m just not good enough to be someone's girlfriend, let alone someone fantastic and attractive. But this isn't true.

I am good enough. You are too. It just takes awhile for your mind to change and for you to get used to your new circumstances.
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Last edited by audrina : 09-21-2010 at 01:12 PM.
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