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Old 08-22-2010, 12:08 PM   #1
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Red face Noticing me...

This might be a bit rambling, so bear with me
I have lost a grand total of 52 lbs - going from 297 to 245. I am very proud of my achievement and understandably (I think) would like people to comment. I went to the uk to visit some friends who knew nothing of my weight loss, and indeed they said I looked good, and said it several times, but I had to point out why I looked so good. Then they could do nothing but mention my weight loss
My question is were they being polite, or does it not show ??
Next thing, I'm going back to work in two weeks after being on holiday for 2 months (I'm a school teacher). I desperately want my friends and colleagues to notice the hard work I've put in (20 of the 52 has gone since the holidays- hardly anyone noticed or mentioned the first 32....) and feel anxious that no-one will be able to tell. I can, I have bones now, and none of my fat clothes fit, and smaller sizes have entered my wardrobe
It's difficult when you weigh so much to start off with, and when there's so much to lose. What do you think, and what have your experiences ben so far? I'd be really interested to hear your opinions.Thanks
x
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Old 08-22-2010, 12:39 PM   #2
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Yea, I know the feeling!

The last time I lost a lot of weight, it took 50lbs for anyone to notice and then they said, "Black is So Slimming, isn't it?" Sigh.

This time I can't even interest people in it. When I went to get my eyebrows threaded last week, I told the assistant I'd never done anything with my brows but decided to treat myself because of 54lb lost and 54lbs to go. She said, "No pain. Backgrowth 5 weeks. You sit."

Yesterday I went to the jewellers to get my second bead for my reward bracelet. I told her I knew it was a scant bracelet so far but two beads represented 2 stone lost (28lbs). She said, "Which bead do you want?"

I guess it's just not as exciting to other people as it is to us - but to you, you've done a great job!
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Old 08-22-2010, 12:48 PM   #3
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Way to go!
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Old 08-22-2010, 12:56 PM   #4
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For me it took 80 lbs loss for people to notice with a starting weight of around 255, so if they don't notice, don't be disappointed!
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Old 08-22-2010, 12:59 PM   #5
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People won't specifically mention weight loss until it's dramatic enough to be seen from space. They may be 90% sure you've lost weight, but the voice in the back of their head is saying what if I'm wrong? What if she hadn't? And it's a valid worry. What if you hadn't lost any weight and these same people said "you look really good. Did you lose weight?" It would sting, because it would imply that you NEED to lose weight and you haven't. It's awkward for everyone to have to say "No, still as fat as ever". When people say "You look great" or "I love that shirt", they mean "You've lost weight! Wow!". So accept the compliment as it is meant.
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Old 08-22-2010, 01:02 PM   #6
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the most important change is the change inside I think. YOU know how amazing you're doing, so just be confident and amazing like you are!

A few things to make the change more visible:

wear clothes that FIT and feel comfortable and make you feel good!

Do your hair a little different, is it short now? Short and full hair brings attention to your head and not your butt, and balances your look out, making you look slimmer

Give yourself some extra attention in the morning, you deserve the extra time Make up if you're into it?


For me anyways, self-confidence and feeling good about myself is just about half the battle for me. Plus, emphasizes the weight loss ^_^


Never forget your opinion of yourself is more important than anyone elses opinion of you Often, other people will reflect your own opinion of you!
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Old 08-22-2010, 02:33 PM   #7
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Some interesting responses. I totally agree that how you feel is the most important, but I need the morale boost that comes from someone saying "OMG you have lost sooooo much weight " ! Fortunately we are all different, and I realise that weight is such a thorny issue - people don't like to mention it. Guess I will just have to keep my own morale up !
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Old 08-22-2010, 02:40 PM   #8
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Well done on your weight loss. That is fantastic.

Dont take it personal, Brits are very reserved about things. Telling you that you looked great was their way of saying well done until you tell them yourself.

I know how it feels to want a kudos though. Your doing great!
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Old 08-22-2010, 03:08 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shmead View Post
When people say "You look great" or "I love that shirt", they mean "You've lost weight! Wow!". So accept the compliment as it is meant.
I think also sometimes people can't quite put their finger on WHY you look great, or why the new shirt looks so good on you. Because honestly, people are not as aware of our own weight as we are. So to me, when I lose 20 pounds, it's a BIG DEAL. Because that's a lot. But most other people really aren't as finely tuned to my body as I am. They don't see me naked every morning like I do. They just see me showing up at work, wearing the clothes that they see me wear, week in and week out. It's not until those clothes are HANGING on me that they might go hmmmm.....is she losing? But if I get a new top that fits my new figure nicely, that's what they say..."Hey, cute top! Is that new? It looks nice!"

People are generally kind of self-focused when it comes to these types of things. I have a guy friend at work who has lost a lot of weight. I see him every day. I could tell that he was slimming down but wasn't sure; as it turns out, he has lost 70 pounds! Yikes! That's a lot, and definitely is noticeable, but he's still wearing the same pants, the same belt, the same shirts. So it's not something I really wanted to comment on, because I wasn't SURE.
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Old 08-22-2010, 06:29 PM   #10
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People are often worried about commenting on people's weight, even in a positive way. Unless they know you are trying, they may be afraid that the comment will be taken as an insult about your former weight or that you are sick and not losing on purpose. " you look good" is a safe way to say it without worrying about those other pitfalls.

I get a lot of comments now, but only from people I know. I can feel the regular strangers in my life looking at me, like people on the bus, but I don't expect them to say anything for the reasons I listed above. I feel great, though, and I know I look significantly different and that makes me really happy. I just said to my husband today that for the first time in the past ten plus years I just feel like I look chubby, not like a fat person.

Anyway, from my experience, suddenly one day people will start commenting and they won't stop, so get ready. For me, it was around 50 pounds.
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Old 08-22-2010, 06:38 PM   #11
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Honestly, after reading some of the reactions to people's comments on their weight loss, I can see why people might be reluctant to comment. It never occurred to me before that my compliment on someone's weight loss (or any other accomplishment for that matter) could be taken negatively and, even worse, be unwanted and unappreciated!!! I'm not kidding when I say that the thought of this now seriously concerns me. I like to think that I won't hesitate to continue giving the compliments that I give...but honestly I think in the back of my mind I will now be thinking about it before I say anything.
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Old 08-22-2010, 06:55 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Natasha1534 View Post
I like to think that I won't hesitate to continue giving the compliments that I give...but honestly I think in the back of my mind I will now be thinking about it before I say anything.
You know what I think is a great thing to say? "You look like you've been working out!" or "Have you been working out? You look great.". It suggests someone looks healthy, energetic, alive.
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Old 08-22-2010, 06:55 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rachael View Post
People are often worried about commenting on people's weight, even in a positive way. Unless they know you are trying, they may be afraid that the comment will be taken as an insult about your former weight or that you are sick and not losing on purpose. " you look good" is a safe way to say it without worrying about those other pitfalls.
I agree. I'm POSITIVE you have made a big change in your looks having lost 52 lbs. If the outside reinforcement is that important to you, hey, go fishing with a couple of the people you're closest to (hey, do I look like I've lost a good amount of weight? just wanted some feedback since I've been working hard at it!)

look at then and now pics, that should boost your morale too.

and congrats!
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Old 08-22-2010, 07:03 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Rosinante View Post
Yea, I know the feeling!

The last time I lost a lot of weight, it took 50lbs for anyone to notice and then they said, "Black is So Slimming, isn't it?" Sigh.

This time I can't even interest people in it. When I went to get my eyebrows threaded last week, I told the assistant I'd never done anything with my brows but decided to treat myself because of 54lb lost and 54lbs to go. She said, "No pain. Backgrowth 5 weeks. You sit."

Yesterday I went to the jewellers to get my second bead for my reward bracelet. I told her I knew it was a scant bracelet so far but two beads represented 2 stone lost (28lbs). She said, "Which bead do you want?"

I guess it's just not as exciting to other people as it is to us - but to you, you've done a great job!
Bah! I'm sorry you had this experience! Yuck! LOL! Here in the states, I think compliments and comments are kind of a regional thing, and I bet they are where you are too. Here, I feel compelled to tell every salesclerk I run into why I'm shopping and how much I've lost and I've always been met with huge grins and lots of questions! If you're open about it, it seems everyone else is too, around here anyway. So it's not you...it's the people you're running into!

Starbrite, I'm in the schools too. I lost a lot of weight from November to May and this summer have lost just 15 pounds. I am getting the craziest reactions from absolutely everyone. I do love it. But they all think I've lost all 70 pounds this summer! They didn't notice my weight loss at all last school year. People definitely not as cued into our bodies as we are.

The comments will come! And eventually they may even be more than you can handle.
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Old 08-22-2010, 07:09 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shmead View Post
You know what I think is a great thing to say? "You look like you've been working out!" or "Have you been working out? You look great.". It suggests someone looks healthy, energetic, alive.
But see, that's what I always thought too!!! And now I read through posts in the threads that talk about that and some people take that as offensive b/c they see it as "oh, so I didn't look like I worked out before???" It's damned if you do and damned if you don't. We all have our own little insecurities, I guess, and that's what it boils down to. I personally appreciate receiving compliments, encouragements, and so on...and I can understand how people can be uncomfortable w/ comments...but I never would've thought a compliment such as that would actually affect someone negatively. That mortifies me!!!
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