At 230, this is the heaviest I have been in my life. I wasn't this heavy even at nine months pregnant.
When my marriage ended 8 years ago I weighed 140 pounds. Although some women consider this fat, I looked and felt great (at that time I wanted to lose only about 10 pounds). Unfortunately, when I found myself living alone with two small kids, I gained about 55 pounds. I stayed between 170 and 195 for about 7 years. If I tried hard enough I could get into the 170's, which looked OK on me. (but boy did I have to work at it!)
About a year ago, I went over 200 pounds. I'm not even sure what caused me to gain that weight. I wasn't doing anything differently (other than being on several antibiotics, which may or may not have been the problem). Within the last year I have gained 30 more pounds.
Being over 200 pounds has affected my motivation. Before I could motivate myself to lose a few pounds when I needed to, but now I feel defeated. Even if I lose 10 or 15 pounds, I'll still be over 200 pounds. I haven't been able to get out of this negative thought pattern. I'm completely embarassed to tell anyone about this problem. I know they see I've gained weight, but I can't bear to say my weight aloud. The only people who know my weight are my doctor and his nurse- and that was mortifying!
I've decided to join this group because I'm hoping that talking about this problem (even if it's with strangers) will help me lose these latest 30 pounds, the previous 55 pounds, and even the 10 pounds I wanted to lose way back then.