3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Support Forum > Support Groups > 100 lb. Club

Hubby is mad, well I am too.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 08-08-2010, 07:52 PM   #1
Senior Member
 
envelope's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 1,650

S/C/G: 237.8/191.2/157.8

Height: 5' 8"

Default Hubby is mad, well I am too.

My husband comes from a family that will sit down to dinner after their mom makes a meal all day and point out any flaws they find. Not enough salt, to much butter, something is missing...it drives me crazy. One day I told them all that if they ever treated me that way I would never cook for them again.

Now lets transfer that to my husband and I and my weightloss. I have lost over 45 lbs yet on occasion when my weightloss comes up my husband will say something like, "You've doing great, but you still have a long way to go." or when I told him my personal goal right now was to weigh 157, he said, "You should lose more than that." To which I pointed out my weight was about 157 when we met and I think I looked pretty darn good then.

So tonight I said, "It hurts my feelings when you say things like that, I know I need to lose more weight right now, I am not blind I can see how fat I am." To which he gets mad at me and says well that is my issue, he would never say anything about my weight to be mean and he knows that I would never say anything about his weight to be mean because he knows I love him. Why in the world is my saying what he said hurts my feelings my issue? I think it is our issue, and he should avoid saying things like that to avoid hurting my feelings.

Sorry for the rant...I just had to get it out.
__________________
envelope is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2010, 08:09 PM   #2
Senior Member
 
Windchime's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 2,089

Height: 5'11"

Default

I hate it when people use this tactic as a free pass to say whatever they want. The fact that you find those kinds of comments hurtful and unhelpful should be enough to cause him to stop saying it. It sounds like criticism is how his family of origin communicated, but he's got a new family now--you--and he needs to learn to communicate in a supportive, helpful way. Saying hurtful things and then claiming it's your issue when you are hurt by it is, in my opinion, passive-agressive behavior.

Congratulations on your accomplishments. 47 pounds lost is an awesome feat!
__________________


Short-Term Goal


One dancer for each 5 lbs lost!
Windchime is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2010, 08:14 PM   #3
Maintainer since 7-3-2009
 
Lori Bell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: A Nebraska Farm
Posts: 3,087

S/C/G: 333/160/145

Height: 5'6"

Default

Ahhh, just you wait. Any day now other men are going to start and notice your weight loss and perhaps be a little more friendly. Then, all of a sudden your hubby's tune will change and he will not think you should go SO LOW as 157. I'm married to a man myself, and they are just nuts.
Lori Bell is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2010, 08:28 PM   #4
Senior Member
 
sept15lija's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,679

S/C/G: 201/198.6/140

Height: 5'4"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lori Bell View Post
I'm married to a man myself, and they are just nuts.
Yeah, that!

I'm sorry your hubby feels he can talk to you like that - you are totally right he needs to respect your feelings (and who wouldn't be offended by a comment like that??) - for 5'8" 157 is perfect!! Of course you already knew that anyways. Well in any event, vent away, we're here to listen!
__________________
Journey Started: June 22, 2010 (233 lbs)
Met Goal: June 22, 2011 (133 lbs)
Starting again April 16, 2015 - losing weight from 3rd baby!!


sept15lija is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2010, 08:33 PM   #5
Maintaining (Lacto-Paleo)
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 533

S/C/G: 120s

Height: 5' 6.75"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Windchime View Post
.... Saying hurtful things and then claiming it's your issue when you are hurt by it is, in my opinion, passive-agressive behavior...
Windchime, thanks for naming what that is. It cleared something up for me.

Envelope, am sending you lots of good thoughts. I think Windchime, Lori, and Sept15 are right.
__________________
Today's weight-losing thought:

Macronutrient ratios mediate weight via hormones. Hormones drive fat storage. Kurt Harris, M. D.
SilverLife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2010, 11:20 PM   #6
Bella Signora ♥
 
Ciao's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,642

Height: 5'4.5''

Default



Men will say dumb things every now and
then. You've done great so far and you
should be proud of yourself.

__________________
Sierra Maria. 20. Married. Mother.




An it harm none, so mote it be.
Ciao is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2010, 05:36 AM   #7
Calorie counter
 
Eliana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,679

Height: 5'4.5"

Default

My husband has gotten dumber as I've gotten smaller as well. I got roses for it not too long ago.

The latest:

I took some belly shots the other day. They're just pure belly shots, no head, with my underwear rolled down beneath the pooch. They popped up on the screen saver. (Gotta fix that!!) He came upstairs and kissed me and said what a fabulous job I'd done. When I asked him why, he said he'd just seen some pictures of my naked belly from 65 pounds ago. Ugh! No DARLING, those were from a few days ago!! Thanks so much Sweetheart!

He tried! But even when he tries, he STILL gets it wrong.
__________________
Long term goal: To still be calorie counting 11/9/2010
mini goals: ~211-10% lost;12/24/09 ~203 class I obesity 1/28/10; ~199 Onederland/15% 2/19/10; ~188-20%; ~185 half way 5/14/10; 179-bye 180's 6/12/10; ~174 overweight 7/3/2010;169-bye 170's 8/13/10;~164-30% 10/23/2010159-bye 160's~11/1/10; 153-35%~12/23/10; 149-bye 150's~2/11/11; 145 normal~2/14/2011; ~141-40%; 139-bye 140's ~135 GOAL! (129-45%; 117.5-50%)






My "goal" story: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/goal...goal-post.html
Eliana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2010, 07:36 AM   #8
Senior Member
 
KatMarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 539

S/C/G: 325/125/maintaining

Height: 5'6.5

Default

I totally understand. My husband says insensitive stuff and then he can never figure out why it upsets me. And then call him out on it and he gets his feathers all ruffled. Men! My hubby's favorite thing to say is "I was just joking". Grrrrrr
My hubby keeps a picture of me in his wallet that is 10 years old and I weighed about 120 pounds in that picture. That's the one he shows people and he can't understand why it upsets me!
__________________


Link to before and after pics
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/goal...unds-gone.html
KatMarie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2010, 08:49 AM   #9
Senior Member
 
guamvixen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 547

S/C/G: 250/110/110

Height: 5'4''

Default

It boggles me how men feel that they don't have to try after a while. Almost like they take you for granted. However, when they decide to "work out" or "do weights" we are supposed to jump up and down and rave about how bigger and sexier their arms are looking?

Men really have no clue. Lately I've noticed the women are either planning the date nights, making the kind gestures, offering the support, losing weight for them, "initiating". I mean, when did the roles become reversed? Is it just me?

I agree with Lori Bell, the more "attention" you will start getting from other men, the more attention he will give you. You aren't alone little chick!
__________________
guamvixen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2010, 09:45 AM   #10
Calorie counter
 
Eliana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,679

Height: 5'4.5"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by guamvixen View Post
Men really have no clue. Lately I've noticed the women are either planning the date nights, making the kind gestures, offering the support, losing weight for them, "initiating". I mean, when did the roles become reversed? Is it just me?
Well, holy Toledo, you could easily open up a can of worms for me there. You just described my marriage and I'm a bit frustrated at the moment! It is so not you!! And honestly, I think women have always ben the lead role, it's just that we get to complain about it now.

If it's going to be, IT'S UP TO ME!!!
__________________
Long term goal: To still be calorie counting 11/9/2010
mini goals: ~211-10% lost;12/24/09 ~203 class I obesity 1/28/10; ~199 Onederland/15% 2/19/10; ~188-20%; ~185 half way 5/14/10; 179-bye 180's 6/12/10; ~174 overweight 7/3/2010;169-bye 170's 8/13/10;~164-30% 10/23/2010159-bye 160's~11/1/10; 153-35%~12/23/10; 149-bye 150's~2/11/11; 145 normal~2/14/2011; ~141-40%; 139-bye 140's ~135 GOAL! (129-45%; 117.5-50%)






My "goal" story: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/goal...goal-post.html

Last edited by Eliana : 08-09-2010 at 09:46 AM.
Eliana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2010, 11:52 AM   #11
Senior Member
 
guamvixen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 547

S/C/G: 250/110/110

Height: 5'4''

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eliana View Post
Well, holy Toledo, you could easily open up a can of worms for me there. You just described my marriage and I'm a bit frustrated at the moment! It is so not you!! And honestly, I think women have always ben the lead role, it's just that we get to complain about it now.

If it's going to be, IT'S UP TO ME!!!
Exactly! Thanks for sharing my thoughts! It's always a little comforting when you know you aren't alone. It gets depressing. I can only plan so many date nights, and do so many nice gestures, and give so much of a hoot for so long! It's getting extremely exhausting. Even just a picked flower for me would do these days.
__________________
guamvixen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2010, 12:19 PM   #12
Focused on the Future
 
JustBeckyV's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Iowa
Posts: 990

S/C/G: 237/132/137

Height: 5' 3"

Default

My DH is the same way about things. He tries to say the right things and means well just doesn't always word things correctly. I know that he loves me and is proud and most of it I just let it roll off
__________________


JustBeckyV is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2010, 03:53 PM   #13
Age 53
 
caryesings's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: NC now/MI for first 42 years
Posts: 1,652

S/C/G: 265/ticker/165

Height: 5'7"

Default

Well ladies, thanks for making me feel pretty darn good about my never married status!
__________________
caryesings is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2010, 04:17 PM   #14
Calorie counter
 
Eliana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,679

Height: 5'4.5"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by caryesings View Post
Well ladies, thanks for making me feel pretty darn good about my never married status!
Today, I could give you an ear full! Seriously...today's a really bad day for me to be participating in a thread like this. I've already had my ear chewed off twice and I don't think it's over. DH is PMSing.
__________________
Long term goal: To still be calorie counting 11/9/2010
mini goals: ~211-10% lost;12/24/09 ~203 class I obesity 1/28/10; ~199 Onederland/15% 2/19/10; ~188-20%; ~185 half way 5/14/10; 179-bye 180's 6/12/10; ~174 overweight 7/3/2010;169-bye 170's 8/13/10;~164-30% 10/23/2010159-bye 160's~11/1/10; 153-35%~12/23/10; 149-bye 150's~2/11/11; 145 normal~2/14/2011; ~141-40%; 139-bye 140's ~135 GOAL! (129-45%; 117.5-50%)






My "goal" story: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/goal...goal-post.html
Eliana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2010, 04:35 PM   #15
PCOS/IR/Hypothyroid
 
astrophe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 3,806

Height: 5'8"

Default

Quote:
Why in the world is my saying what he said hurts my feelings my issue? I think it is our issue, and he should avoid saying things like that to avoid hurting my feelings.
I agree. Who cares if he thinks it is silly? Or he didn't mean it like it sounded?

Fine, you can forgive him this time for not knowing it. But now that he DOES know and was called on it... is he going to cut it out or what? Does he need help in what to say? Give him some examples he can use that are acceptable.

"'You are doing great.' (snip) Stop there and end on a positive. Don't add the "You have a long way to go" bit. That would be ok."

Or maybe the topic of weight needs to just be a nontopic right now?

A.
__________________
Started Oct 2014:

Last edited by astrophe : 08-09-2010 at 04:36 PM.
astrophe is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice
and no guarantee is made against accuracy.


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My name is Angela and I am Addicted to Food! Ang2877 Metabolic Research Center 35 06-02-2010 11:17 PM
Help I've been living in denial Kiwi24 Support Groups 693 02-02-2007 08:19 PM
Hot & Healthy Challenge Chicks!!! (Everyone is welcome!) Jasmine31 Support Groups 255 12-13-2006 05:12 PM
hubby says I'm too fat! Wishing Low Carb Archive 29 04-17-2003 01:26 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:00 AM.






Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2