I hope it's okay to post this here, but I had an NSV today that I was proud of. I've recently realized that I've become VERY sedentary, and I often let things get in the way of getting exercise, even just going out for a walk. I joined the August points thread, so I actually had some outside motivation to go for a walk tonight. Anyway, I left my husband to put my sons to bed since he's not working tonight, and I went for a walk by myself. I didn't know where I would go or how long I would be out for, I just walked. I ended up walking down to the park I take my son to, and I decided to do a few laps around it. I decided I would do 3 laps and then walk elsewhere. Well, I got to the baseball field part of the park and there are a bunch of guys playing softball. I have seriously let my weight stop me from doing stuff lately because I'm so embarrassed by the way I look, so I was mortified to have to walk past these guys while I'm all fat and sweaty. At this weight, I feel like I'm such a disgusting blob of yuck, how could someone not look at me and make comments and just generally be disgusted. I made my first lap, and as I was closing in on the ball field the second time, I started thinking that I would just go walk somewhere else. I was getting all nervous and anxious thinking about walking past them, and I had made up my mind to just go walk somewhere else. As I got to the corner where I would either turn toward the ballfield or go off in another direction, I decided that I can't let what other people may (or may not) be thinking about me stop me from doing what is best for me. So I turned, walked past the ball field, finished that lap, and then did another! None of those people gave a crap about what I was doing or what I looked like doing it. If I hadn't turned at that corner, I may have let my self-consciousness keep me from exercising again in the future. But actually doing what I was afraid to do made me realize that I can push myself and do things that I'm not really comfortable with and they will turn out okay. I know it may sound lame to some, but this was truly a victory to me.
I am often the heaviest person at the gym but I have had to teach myself not to care what other people think. I do get very self conscious at times but I try to always remember that I am there for me and no one else.
05/16/10 -20 made it 02/24/10
10/19/10 -40 made it 07/31/10
12/25/10 -50 made it 10/04/10
04/24/11 -70 made it 04/28/11
10/19/11 -90 made it 05/14/12
10/19/12 -100 made it 10/11/12
Long Term Weigh Ins
11/28/11 185.5 1/29/12 181 3/29/12 177 5/29/12 172 7/29/12 170 9/29/12 164 11/29/12 166.5 1/28/13 164 3/29/13 161.5
This is a big NSV, overcoming that sinking feeling about your weight and doing something healthful and good for you. Not only that but refusing to let's others ' opinions or what we imagine to be their opinions guide you. Good for you!
__________________ Onederland: 12/24/2009, Class I Obesity (197): 1/16/2010, Overweight BMI (169): 8/28/2010, Normal BMI (135): ??,
10% of start weight lost (193.5): 2/02/2010, 20% (172): 7/25/2010, 25% (161.25): 11/26/2010, 30% (150.5): ??, 40% (128.5): ??
Good for you for getting past the physical AND the mental hurdles!
As I lose weight, it's becoming easier to get past the paranoia that everyone is looking at me and thinking things about me. I think most people are so wrapped up in their own thing that they give others at most a passing glance or thought.
~*~*~ Lesley ~*~*~
"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail". Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thanks for all the support. It was actually a pretty good thing that this got bumped with the comments, because I was sitting here after a cruddy day in which I was tired, kids were being terrors, nothing was going as planned, plus the hormonal roller coaster of TTOM, and I was contemplating eating some chocolate or drinking a glass of soda, something nice and sweet to take the edge off my stress. Then I saw my post, read all the comments, and reread what I wrote. I reread my last line about pushing myself to do things I'm not comfortable with and they will turn out okay, and I decided to apply it to my cravings. I'm going to push myself to resist those cravings, and even though it's not how I usually deal with my stress, I will get through it and it will turn out okay. Now I think I need to get moving to dissipate this stress! Thanks for the kind words!
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