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My son gained 8 lbs in one week

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Old 07-20-2010, 04:57 PM   #1
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Unhappy My son gained 8 lbs in one week

I am so angry right now. The grandparents took our children on vacation for one week and our 10 year old, who has been maintaining 114 pounds for a year now, gained EIGHT pounds in one week. When he left he was 112...now he's 120. And it's noticeable. I knew as soon as I saw him.

Grandmother thinks a healthy breakfast is pancakes with strawberry syrup...because you know, strawberries are healthy. Add bacon and eggs and it's even better because that's protein. Whipped cream on top? Of course...she's grandma.

I get that she wants to feed them like that once in a while..but come on. You took my children who live on an ultra healthy diet and feed them crappity crap crap for an entire week??? I'm talking Ihop for breakfast, Burger King for lunch and McDonald's for dinner....FOR A WEEK. And of course it's kid's choice. I'd have told them ahead of time, "Yes, we're going to McDonald's and you're going to split a grilled chicken sandwich with your brother and you can each have a yogurt parfait."

I'm just frustrated because in one week's time she undid the work we've done for an entire year.

Oh, and then I tried to get him to go on a walk with me...biggest hissy fit this side of the Ohio river.

I just hate all the undoing I have to do after time spent with the grandparents.
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Old 07-20-2010, 05:01 PM   #2
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I am sorry. Yes, grandmas are very single minded. Whatever makes the kids happy. Thats why we always love grandmas But I totally understand. Hopefully it will come down a little with him being home. Good luck
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Old 07-20-2010, 05:07 PM   #3
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I bet a ton of that is water from sodium. It's just impossible that he ate 28K more calories than usual --that's over 3500 a DAY in addition to the 1600-2000 a day he probably burns. So that noticeable puffiness is hopefully largely water.
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Old 07-20-2010, 05:16 PM   #4
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I am sorry that you and your son are having to go through this. I bet he feels sick. I remember how hard it was to get kids back in the routine after visiting grandparents. It is a lesson for us grandparents too.

I remember as a child walking to my grandmother's house, 3 blocks from my own home. She kept candy, chips, and Coke that I could get any time I want. These things were never kept at home. My mother would get so angry but I kept getting the junk from my grandmother. Getting that junk definitely contributed to my weight problem.

My mother-in-law also ignored my wishes, not about food as much as other things. I vowed when my children were little that when I had grandchildren, I would respect their parents decisions. Now that I am a grandmother I do want to make their time with me special so some spoiling is allowed. My daughter and I have worked out a routine that we all happy with. I tell my 4 year old grandson that we can't break Momma and Daddy's rules and she gives permission for some indulgences. If I am not sure about something, GS and I call his mother and ask.

Are these your parents or your husband's? If they are your parents, I think a little talk is in order. If they are your husbands parents, he should talk to them. You might want to have some ground rules before the children spend another week with their grandparents. They may need your help too. Suggestions on what to feed the grandchildren can be a big help. When my daughter and her family come to visit, she sends me a grocery list of the items and brands that the kids like. It can change from visit to visit. Having that list is a big help to me.

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Old 07-20-2010, 05:18 PM   #5
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Goodness, I hope so. He's SO "puffy". I just feel so guilty. I enjoyed our kid free time, but now I feel horrible that I wasn't with him. He's very sensitive about his weight and gets teased everywhere we go, it seems. Even on the trip, swimming at hotels with stranger kids, he was teased. He hates it. He wants to change his body. But he's TEN!! So it's up to me. I wish to goodness that I could get his grandparents to understand this and we've had multiple conversations with them. THEY think WE border on neglect, or whatever, for not allowing them to have childhood foods like twinkies, hohos, cookies, fruit rollups, etc.

And did you know fruit snacks are healthy??? Grandma actually thinks that..."Made with real fruit." So let them eat FRUIT!!

Argh...feels so good to vent.
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mini goals: ~211-10% lost;12/24/09 ~203 class I obesity 1/28/10; ~199 Onederland/15% 2/19/10; ~188-20%; ~185 half way 5/14/10; 179-bye 180's 6/12/10; ~174 overweight 7/3/2010;169-bye 170's 8/13/10;~164-30% 10/23/2010159-bye 160's~11/1/10; 153-35%~12/23/10; 149-bye 150's~2/11/11; 145 normal~2/14/2011; ~141-40%; 139-bye 140's ~135 GOAL! (129-45%; 117.5-50%)






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Old 07-20-2010, 05:20 PM   #6
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that has to be so frustraiting for you! try to get him to drink tons of water and hopefully it'll come down. any maybe have a talk with the grandparents next time and explain that you don't want your kids ending up diabetic, they should be able to understand that.
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Old 07-20-2010, 05:23 PM   #7
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Cheryl, they're hubby's parents, can you tell? There's a touch of bad feelings there. I do not get along with his mother really at all. She is a wonderful grandmother, but "spoil" doesn't begin to cover it. I could understand the occasional break from mom and dad's routine and I believe I would welcome that...but limit it to a treat a day please! And most especially when they're in your care for an entire week! SOME of that has got to be healthy.

We've had the talk...but we're talking to processed food junkies with high BP, high cholesterol, diabetes with sedentary lives who would like to change the world to fit them. There just need to be better medications for all that.
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Long term goal: To still be calorie counting 11/9/2010
mini goals: ~211-10% lost;12/24/09 ~203 class I obesity 1/28/10; ~199 Onederland/15% 2/19/10; ~188-20%; ~185 half way 5/14/10; 179-bye 180's 6/12/10; ~174 overweight 7/3/2010;169-bye 170's 8/13/10;~164-30% 10/23/2010159-bye 160's~11/1/10; 153-35%~12/23/10; 149-bye 150's~2/11/11; 145 normal~2/14/2011; ~141-40%; 139-bye 140's ~135 GOAL! (129-45%; 117.5-50%)






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Old 07-20-2010, 05:32 PM   #8
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Ugh. I'm so sorry you & your boy are having to deal with this. I completely understand that Grandparents want to make their time special. But (and I've had this conversation with my own mom) "special" does NOT have to revolve around food. It just doesn't.

My mom watches my kids every Thursday. And without fail, I would come home every Thursday night to Burger King wrappers in the trash, new kids meals toys, & there was always a sundae cup thrown in there as well. My kids are at pretty healthy weights right now at 6 & 2, but I (and my brothers) were healthy at that age, too. Fast forward & all three of us are obese. DH was a large kid, too, & although he thinned out in his 20's while he was in the Army, he's been struggling the last 8-10 years. All we want is to set our kids up for success in life, and that includes their health & weight. I told my mom that once, & the BK trips didn't stop. I finally just put my foot down & said absolutely no more Burger King. They don't need it. There are plenty of healthy things to eat at home, as well as a few small treats that she can give them ONCE IN A WHILE.

For me it is difficult because on one hand she is my mom & I know without a shadow of a doubt that she LOVES & ADORES my kids. But I also know that a lot of the food habits I (& my brothers) have are due to the way we were raised. And I want better for my kids!

Hugs to you & your boy. I hope with a lot of water & some exercise he is right back down. You are a great mom for watching out for you son like you do

Sorry this got so long - it turned into a vent session of my own!
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Old 07-20-2010, 05:44 PM   #9
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How frustrating!!!! My husband went away for a month with his grandmother when he was 8. When he left he was 85 pounds. He came back at 107. 22 lbs. 1 month.

My mother watched my neice for three months while my sister had to sort some stuff out in her personal life... when she left my 10 year old niece was 71 lbs. She was 96 when she got back.

It's horrible. It happens. Those 8 pounds could be partially real weight gain. And that SUCKS. I am sorry that this happened to HIM and to you!!!
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Old 07-20-2010, 06:01 PM   #10
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I have the same issue with my inlaws - made even worse by the fact that my mother-in-law is actually my DH's stepmother and she doesn't treat him as a son since he was 15 when she married his father - so he can't talk to her, and she has already told him that she hates me. To keep grandpa close to the grandkids, they only watch them one night of the month on average, and it's all junk food all the time! Limiting it that was keeps it from having such an effect, but doesn't give us adults any child-free time. I bet that a lot of the weight is water weight and that he will start feeling better soon. I have been exercising with the Wii Fit Plus more again lately because it has made my kids want to try it. At least it gets them moving. My oldest (8) is horribly sensitive to heat and light, so trying to exercise outside isn't working with the heat lately. Can you get him to the pool more often? I know that's hard when he has been teased there, but my kids have gotten some good exercise there and it keeps them cool. Unfortunately, my oldest gets teased for his autistic tendencies, but he still loves to go, and swimming is helping with his coordination.

I hope that he's feeling better soon!
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Old 07-20-2010, 06:15 PM   #11
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Oh man, my son went with his dad for 3 weeks when he was 11 or so and he came back about 20 pounds heavier. It was very noticeable! He looked quite chubby and was not at all when I sent him. That's what fast food and junk will do. But it came back off over about 2 months, nothing drastic, just back to healthy eating. Try not to make him feel 'fat' about it or like 'omg you gained weight!" because that will set up even more issues. But yeah it is SO frustrating.
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Old 07-20-2010, 06:29 PM   #12
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I had the same problem with my mom. Ironically, my own mom was the FOOD POLICE-- I NEVER was allowed junk, she HID the Halloween candy and watched what I ate all the time. Consequently, I became a food sneaker and food binger. I know my mom deeply regrets "screwing me up" by being so worried about my weight, body shape, and eating habits.

Determined NOT to make the same mistakes with my kids that she made with me, she loves to give my kids whatever they want when they are with her.

When my oldest was 14, he spent a month with the grandparents. He had to go to the pediatrician the day before he left home and got weighed for a prescription. One month to the day he returned home and had his check-up the next day. TWENTY POUNDS on the doctor's scale in one month. I always KNOW my kids are going to put on weight when they go there.

Eliana-- I DO feel for you, but I also really urge you to tread lightly on this subject when it comes to your son.

I KNOW he dislikes being heavy, but I'm sure he worries a lot about your reaction to it as well. He probably enjoyed the junk food environment at grandma's and you don't want him to start thinking of those kinds of foods as off-limits at your house and a free for all everywhere else as that can lead to food sneaking.

As a parent, you can model healthy behavior at home, and you can serve healthy food, but you cannot control a child's food environment 100%. If it's not grandma's house, it can be birthday parties, camp, a neighbor's house, you name it. A kid who is motivated to eat will eat.

Hopefully, if you have a positive attitude and model healthy behaviors at home in the long run your kid will adopt those practices in his own life.

I get that grandma is a family member and that she really should respect your wishes regarding how to feed your kids, and so it's a special situation, but even so... there is a big world of food out there, and in the long run, no child with a weight problem will succeed unless they learn to regulate themselves-- an entire world of IHOP and cupcakes is still going to be out there beckoning.

It IS frustrating! But, you will NOT be able to follow him around and control what he eats all the time. If he's eleven now, soon he'll be a teenager and be making his own food choices a lot of the time.

I think we have a moral imperative to feed our kids healthy at home, but we also have to realize that teaching them to learn to make smart choices when not home is also a large part of the battle-- and we may not be able to GET them to make the choices that we think are the "right" choices every time.
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Old 07-20-2010, 06:37 PM   #13
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It is so frustrating! I know how you feel and it's not an easy place to be in. I just finished with school, but my MIL watched my kids a few days a week during my internships and classes for a few years. She is wonderful, but would always, almost every day feed them fast food and junk. I was so grateful that she watched them, but it just made me cringe. thankfully my kids are still in pre-school, so they're ok, but it was just awful to see. I know when it happens in the future, I'll make it an issue
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Old 07-20-2010, 06:58 PM   #14
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I agree that teaching your kids to make good food choices when out in the "real world" is important, but at this age, that's not the issue. The issue is that the adults are still resposible for the food that the kids eat, and need to provide healthy foods for them. It's not like he could say "Gee those chicken nuggets don't look healthy; I think I'll jump in my car and go out for some Subway instead" Besides, most kids figure that grandparents are there to protect them and that if they offer food, then it must be okay to eat it.

In our family, my parents could be trusted to watch my kids for a week or more, and would offer healthy foods, but if they only have them for one night, then they give them junk - it's kind of a grandparent's right. If they're going to have them for more than one night, then they need to recognize that they're responsibility crosses over into parenting and nutrition as well. My inlaws baby-sat our niece for 5 years every day, and they fed her nothing but junk food for 5 years because they said it was their right as grandparents, and now our niece is 14 and is significantly obese. And now my mother-in-law, who is horribly anti-fat lectures her on her weight and criticizes her constantly. Lovely!

BTW if anyone ever does have their kids doing WiiFit, you may not want to do a body test on them. My 8 yo did a body test and that stupid WiiFit board called him overweight - he looked so upset. Why can't that stupid game recognize that calling a kid fat is not motivational and is really upsetting?! It calculates the age; it "knows" that he's only 8!
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Old 07-20-2010, 07:39 PM   #15
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What? You mean I can't control my kid? Oh come on now! Truth is...I WANT to control my kid. I want all food to go through me. But at the same time, I realize that's not teaching him anything and I'm afraid it sets him up for the sneaking and the bingeing. It sucks. His makeup is that of a lazy couch potato. It just is. And there's nothing I can do about it and never has been. I have to force exercise on the kid. It's awful! My biggest regret is that I wasn't more active when he was young, because then maybe...just maybe...he'd choose a more active lifestyle himself.

Right now, I have both kids asking me before they can eat anything. I almost always say "yes", but I get to guide what the food choice is. "No, you can't have a peanut butter sandwich right now. But you can have an apple." That kind of thing. And we reward them with poker chips. When they earn 150 chips they earn $10.00. We just told them for every glass of water they drink over the next week they get 3 poker chips. They both jumped on that one. (We didn't relate it to weight...we said it was just so dang hot outside.) But I want their systems cleansed.

On the Wiifit thing....I had lied a bit to my son about his height and had him enter it a bit high so it wouldn't fatten up his little Mii character. Stupid game.
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Long term goal: To still be calorie counting 11/9/2010
mini goals: ~211-10% lost;12/24/09 ~203 class I obesity 1/28/10; ~199 Onederland/15% 2/19/10; ~188-20%; ~185 half way 5/14/10; 179-bye 180's 6/12/10; ~174 overweight 7/3/2010;169-bye 170's 8/13/10;~164-30% 10/23/2010159-bye 160's~11/1/10; 153-35%~12/23/10; 149-bye 150's~2/11/11; 145 normal~2/14/2011; ~141-40%; 139-bye 140's ~135 GOAL! (129-45%; 117.5-50%)






My "goal" story: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/goal...goal-post.html
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